Hey all im new here ...To cut the story short i met my partner when i was 13 he was 14 , i got pregnant on our 1st child when i was 16 , My partner started using heroin when he was 17 .He has battled with this addiction for 13 years now and spent the last 10 years in and out of prison through committing crime to fund his habit , i dont accept his behaviour i dont allow him to use in my home i dont give him money to buy the drug and i dont allow him to be intoxicated around my children .Anyway he was released from prison in dec 11 after serving 2 1/2 years inside he came out and he was doing so well he got back in to his hobbies and was looking for work etc But unfortunatley late february he relapsed because he is a priority prolific offender (ppo) his probation officer decided to do a 28 day re-call back to prison . I have give him tough love while he is in prison (this time) refused to go to see him etc . He is being released this friday 20th april and he rang me tonight and said that he does not want to use anymore he just had a relapse what everyone has through recovery and that he is on a meth script and he wants nothing more than to be happy with me and his kids he also said it was going to be hard but it will be worth it in the end and can i trust him to make me happy! He is going to be staying in a hostel when he is released . I just want to ask you guys how do i know he is telling the truth? What should i do? I dont want to turn my back on him but i have had enough of all this shit . He is BEGGING me not to leave him just to give him 1 more chance to make us all happy !
My head is done in big time i just want to be happy with him
One of the worst things about heroin is that it turns the people dependent upon it into selfish liars. Whether they want to be or not. I think it's safe to say that it's the addiction doing the lying and the addict it just the vehicle, if that makes any sense. I say this from experience and was a heroin addict and complete lying piece of shit for over a year. I hurt everyone that I loved with my selfishness and I didn't care as long as I could keep doing heroin. I got clean a months ago and reality slapped me in the face hard. I'm so sorry that you are on the other side of this addiction because I'm sure it can be just as hard. We addicts tend to think we are the only one's affected by our actions and this is absolutely not the case.
You're doing the right thing though by giving him another chance. If nothing else, then for your children. And if you really love him then that's another huge reason to stick by him. He sounds sincere enough and you sound like you've set some ground rules but if he realizes you aren't sticking to them then why should he follow them? If he is still lying about wanting to get clean then it's probably time to make some tough decisions. Stay with a heroin addict or leave the father of your children. Be strong missad. It's going to be a long road, but people can and do recover from this addiction so why not your partner?
Only you know how many chances he's had. One things clear, he has used all the time you have been together and is a listed PPO and so you'd be dumb to take his words on face value.
That said, you seem to have a very good approach to his addiction when it comes to you/your family and what you allow your children to be around.
If you feel he deserve's another chance, give it to him, but make him KNOW its his last. He has a lot of proving to do and he has to respect that. One last chance HAS to mean exactly that and you have to enforce it. Have you given "one last chance" before?
He can't feel like he can say sorry and stroll back into your life, you deserve more than that and so do your kids. Lets see if he want you and your kids more than he wants Heroin, because if he relapses again you will HAVE to back up your words and kick him to the kerb.
I wish you all the best with it. There is loads of support here for you AND for him, should he want it.
maybe you should give him another chance. after all he has methadone now. lots of H addicts are able to stop with the help of methadone since it takes away w/d and cravings too.
for someone who has been using so long it is important to remember that long term drug use changes your brain chemistry and you feel you 'need' something. so methadone will really help in this way if he sticks with it.
my rat was a IV H addict for over 8 years. she finally quit by methadone. so it does work. and my rattie girl also wants to mention that at this point until recently she had been clean for over 12 years and only recently started playing around with H again - but realized pretty quickly how dangerous it was and is now sticking to kratom.
kratom might be another option for him.
good luck! hope it works out well!
oh and last of all - another person can't make YOU happy. you make your own happiness.
First off, I like you, youve done all the things I suggest people do, youve kept the kids and the drugs seperate, thats a good place to start, and not easy I know.
You ask the people here what should you do? and you know that no one can answer that except you, but my basic rules for partners of addicts in recovery are dont lie to me, dont do drugs in the house, dont bring drugs into the house, get help. (these are just my rules, that I used while living with a heroin addict and supporting him in recovery) Youve stood up for your childrens rights to safety in the home by setting up the rules youve already put in place; now it's time to look after your own safety, because I hear you when you say your heads done in.
Is the move to methadone new? it sounds like it is, and if so thats a good sign. You dont have to believe him straight off, he sort of has to prove that he's serious to you, I know its a cliche, but he does need to earn your trust; remember love and trust are two different things. A good place to start is methadone and drug counselling with a professional counsellor. You tell him to take all the help that is on offer from the doctors, the drug service, the probation; tell him dont be to proud to ask for help or to stubborn to accept that he needs help.
Space numpty is right when he says if you are telling him its one last chance then you better mean it, not just for his sake but for yours as well; this kind of yoyo in and out of addiction/prision/home again can go on for years. There are only 2 people here who can put an end to it, him by getting into recovery or if he cant or wont do that, then you by getting out.
It's good that he has hobbies because many people here will tell you it's not the stopping heroin thats hard, it's the staying off heroin thats hard. Creating a whole new way of life, finding positive reinforcement and fulfilment in things other than the drug, a new pattern of living is what keeps a person off heroin.
Whatever you decide to do, and my gut instinct is that you will take him back, I genuinely hope you find the happiness you are looking for.
I feel for you.Its so hard to abandon someone who has already been through so much,not least an enforced seperation from you and your children.(of course I understand he has to pay for his crime). I am expecting my partner home on Thursday 10/05/2012,after a 20 month stretch for drug related crime. He is drug free,and finished a meth script in Dec 2011. He will not consider a script on release,he says he doesnt need one. I have never had dealings with drugs,nor prison,I just fell in love with him,oblivious to all his issues. If I could turn back the clock,I would have carried on walking,I didnt! He has relapsed many times,served numerous prison terms,and has apparentley never seen a summer,a birthday,or a christmas since 15 as a free individual. I have only been with him for 18 months,so this is my first and last stint as a prisoners partner,Ive hated every second of it.
That said,I have learned more about his life,addiction,crimes since he has been inside,and I feel our relationship is as honest and equal now,as it has ever been. Perhaps your tough love approach has hit home,perhaps he truly saw you slipping away,and he couldnt bear it. I envy you regarding the hostel,I realise that sounds mad,but he will be safe,supported,and there is no more temptation in Hostels than anywhere else,I worked in one.
My partner is coming home to me,and I dont feel as happy as I should,I lovr him,I really do,but I have waves of absolute hatred and disgust that overwhelm me at times,I never tell him. He is a p.p.o too,I think that the police and probation are just trying to stop him offending,and I dont blame them. I look into his eyes now,and I dont see the devious addict anymore,but there is no sure way of ensuring he is telling you the truth,just the same desperate hope I have, that they appreciate that we have been hurt and lied to enough.I hope Im not being naive. I wish you all the luck in the world,in finding a happy and secure life with your children,with or without your partner.and hope that your love,trust, and support will be all he needs to be fulfilled.
In my opinion. He should be in MMT. Methadone Maintenance. There is not such thing as a script for Methadone. Methadone cannot be prescribed by doctors unless it is for pain. If he does have such a script, that is not as good as MMT, but make sure he takes it watch him take it. Everyone is different but he should be on at least 60mg of methadone. Even when my dog sparky was on 60mg of methadone i was able to still get higher on heroin. So lately the DEA has given MMT the ability to distribute above 100mg of methadone a day. At that dose, heroin will be a waste of his money and hopefully he will realize it, because the Methadone will be too strong and he wont get anything, but again, he might still try. I also know a doctor cannot prescribe for pain methadone over 40mg usually. At MMT there is not limit. Plus he will be forced to go to groups, be randomly drug tested and have a personal counselor to talk to.
But allot of people just like my dog sparky end of leaving because he says you feel like your on liquid handcuffs. The only way to get them off, is to switch to suboxone (or even better pure burprenorphin generic)
If my dog sparky could talk to him, he would say dont sweat the relapses, its going to happen, 10 percent relapse 1 time or less, 90% relapse multiple times. But do not use that as an excuse. Man your in jail, you have a record, next step is death, sparky died but, by without a huge story, sparky was found, even though he was hidding, by a complete stranger, and was not breathing for 10 minutes before EMT for dogs came, and received CPR, died two more times on the way to the hospital, and woke up in cuffs. Then sparky was sent to the worst jail in the United States of America. Newark New Jersey aka the green monster. The only worse jail sparky saw he said was on tv in South America.
After that sparky did it all, institutions, jail, and death. All for the seeking the high of heroin, that you will not receive anymore. Its at best 50% and your chasing. Methadone at 100mg will make you nod, sleep just what your probably getting from H. without the 10 second rush. Is all this worth 10 seconds?
Sparky said forget this,im getting married, having kids, getting out of debt, and cleaning my record and getting back to work, which happens to be sparkys hobby.
Sparky is on a high dose of buprenorphin generic, not that suboxone crap. Sparky get a very good endorphin anti-depressent buzz, and talk to a psychiatrist once a month.
Its time to grow up and be a Man as best as you can.
In my opinion. He should be in MMT. Methadone Maintenance. There is not such thing as a script for Methadone. Methadone cannot be prescribed by doctors unless it is for pain. If he does have such a script, that is not as good as MMT, but make sure he takes it watch him take it.
I just wanted to mention, the OP is in the UK. Across the pond, they call MMT "getting a methadone 'script", because it IS a written prescription, by a specific kind of doctor. IIRC, it's called into a pharmacy that accepts MMT patients, and then you go there every day to get your dose.
So, if he's in the UK saying he's "getting on a methadone script" he does, in fact, mean he's going on MMT.
Just wanted to clear that up. Some of our UK members can chime in with better details if I fucked anything up/missed anything important.
Originally Posted by mre227
Even when my dog sparky was on 60mg of methadone i was able to still get higher on heroin. So lately the DEA has given MMT the ability to distribute above 100mg of methadone a day. At that dose, heroin will be a waste of his money and hopefully he will realize it, because the Methadone will be too strong and he wont get anything, but again, he might still try. I also know a doctor cannot prescribe for pain methadone over 40mg usually. At MMT there is not limit. Plus he will be forced to go to groups, be randomly drug tested and have a personal counselor to talk to.
ETA: uh, this isn't true. Clinics have always been able to prescribe well over 60mg. Pain doctors can also prescribe well over 40mg/day as well. Additionally, plenty of people are blocked at doses much lower than 100mg, just as there are people who can still break through on doses of over 100mg. It's very individualized.