I have a feeling I’m not alone on this one, but, it’s ridiculous how much I think about meth, and my addiction. I’m sure my sub-conscious thought is thinking about all sorts of things, I’m talking about conscious thoughts… When I’m consciously thinking, and I’m not even exaggerating, 90% of the time I’m thinking about my addiction, or meth. I think about how much I love it/need it… I think about how much to get next time, or how I should smoke it… Anything and everything about it. I think about how bad my addiction is… About what I’ll do when I need a new connect. I think about when I’m gonna quit, or if I’ll ever get to the point where I’m fed up and actually want to quit. How hard it’ll be…. I think sometimes, maybe I won’t ever quit, maybe I’ll smoke till I die. I think about shit to write on this forum…. These are my thoughts when I’m high anyway.
When I’m not high, basically all I’m thinking of is how fucking good its gonna feel to take that first hit… I picture it, melting it, rolling it around… I can taste it. I think about my next step towards acquiring some more. I gotta call dealer…..Okay I gotta cash cheque… Okay gotta meet dealer… Yessssss.
And then it all starts all over again. These days I don’t go out as much as I should be, because I’m always high and I like to tweak alone, so when I’m alone, my thoughts run rampant. There are other things I think about obviously, like, important people in my life, and music… But it seems like theres this world inside my head and that world is just completely based upon meth. All day every day, it’s all I’m thinking about!! Meth, meth ,meth meth….Theres no way to stop it. To be honest, im not trying to explain it as if it’s a terrible problem Im facing, I like thinking about it… Ive been this way for, well at least a year anyway, Ive been addicted for 3. Well, no it’s probably been this way all three years.
I know one day I should quit, and hopefully that idea will be easier to accept over the years. But right now, to imagine no meth in my life, and not even thinking about it sounds absolutely impossible. My whole life right now seems to be so diluted and overcome with thoughts of meth and, imagining these thoughts cut in half even seems like an epic feat.
One day will it become so routine, that I don’t even think about it? It’s just natural? I mean it’s already so routine…. I drink coffee too, but I don’t think about coffee.
“I’m only 22, my thoughts throughout my entire twenties are going to mainly consist of meth. My actions will mainly consist of smoking chalk and tweaking. My twenties, the youthful prime of my life that I can never get back will be focused and geared towards my meth addiction”
That thought, I know is supposed to make me sad and supposed to be an awful realization… But It doesn’t even make me flinch… Not one bit, I just brush it off and take another hit. Where is my sense of urgency?
I don’t know, and I don’t care… and I don’t even wish I cared because that implies I’d want to do something about my addiction - and ironically, THAT thought makes me flinch. Imagining getting rid of meth, THAT bothers me… Like I understand how this is wrong and is completely backwards, I’m not confused… It’s bizarre. If I saw myself now, 5 years ago, I wouldn’t believe it. Its strange having family so close and are completely oblivious to the severity of my meth consumption, yet this “world” within my head is just a complete overkill of meth-related thoughts, this world, its just completely about meth and screams meth so LOUDLY inside my head… yet they don’t even know this world exists.
Well I’ll keep on keeping on, thinking these thoughts…
Anyone else’s thoughts completely dominated by meth?
this is the case when it comes to any person who is severely addicted to meth, heroin, crack. since its something that you need to function, either mentally or physically (for meth or crack i would say the physical extent of the addiction is about nil compared to heroin addiction) so knowing that every waking thought is going to surrounding that. wether its thinking about how to get more money, where to get dope, and everything that comes along with using, its more than a full time job.
when i was using opiates i would wake up and the first thing i thought about was using, if i had some all ready (which was the case maybe a couple times) or if i had to figure out how to get some, it was a consuming process. throwing in the factor of how much i costed to feed my addiction (for meth this is a factor im sure but to a somewhat lesser extent, especially with how much it costs for oxycodone or heroin around here) i had to come up with about a hundred dollars a day to barely be able to feel comfortable.
if it doesn't bother you than good for you, but my guess is there will be a point where you want your life back. your 22, i am as well, and all you do is tweak at home for a few days, sleep, maybe work idk you've never mentioned that, that repeat. you should be going out with friends and doing stuff like that, meeting people. thats how i felt anyway, i was sick of not being able to hang out with people because some drug was controlling me so much, its not worth it.
yeah, I agree, one day Im sure it will start to get to me. As of right now, I dont see that day in sight! And yeah I work - But I don't go through many shifts without getting high.
Every now and again, when Im sober, i'll get subtle thoughts of wanting more substance in my life (not drug substances haha) but, then I just take puff and I jussst dont give a fuckkk bout nothin.
I can relate to an extent I think. More so for me when I have intention of using or plans to use more so than all day every day.
For example, when I was planning on getting high after work, I would send hubby to connection, and spend the rest of the day and/or evening edgy and unproductive. I would replay that moment when I would first taste/feel the dope at the back of my throat, the cough and that first wave of the rush followed by the battle between coughing and rushing, the cough eventually subsiding and finally giving in to that first big wave, inducing a moan as it takes me over and my eyes flutter shut and roll backwards...and my heart would race just thinking about it.
I would avoid customers and purposely give potential sales to other associates if it was within a few hours of my shift ending, because I did not want to be STUCK there negotiating and delaying my plan any further. I was going to leave when I was scheduled off even if it killed be because dammit I STILL had at least another 45 minutes ahead of me just to DRIVE home so don't even bother, there is no way in HELL I'm staying late today...
The drive home would drive me bonkers and I would begin shivering and trembling in anticipation and I would call hubby and have him mix em up when I was just down the road because the last thing I wanted to do when I got there was wait some more lol. There is nothing I hate more than feeling like a fucking fiend, because for the most part I am very much in control, in fact I usually don't think much of it until I decide I am ready to go again...and in those moments I feel like a huge piece of shit junkie. I can get snippy and short, I pace a lot and that is really all I can think about until I get it done...so yes in a sense, at times it DOES consume me, I'm extremely thankful that it doesn't have that grip on me all the time...I would never get anything else done....oh yeah and probably be broke to boot.
I feel ya man. The biggest one for me is always how much easier situation a, b, or c would be if i was high. Or how much easier it would be to get project x done high.
Out of curiosity how long have you been seeing her?
That thought, I know is supposed to make me sad and supposed to be an awful realization… But It doesn’t even make me flinch… Not one bit, I just brush it off and take another hit. Where is my sense of urgency?
If it's any consolation, it made me a little sad. Your boy B is by no means someone with any certification to or background in counseling, but I suspect that you wouldn't write that much on the subject if you weren't just a _little_ bit concerned. Then again, at the end of the day, I'm most likely projecting.
Anyway, yeah, it's not something I actively think about, but given the company I find myself keeping recently and community I live in, it's more of a tertiary thought process consideration. For reasons I can't really go in to much detail about, it's become a major source of stress in my home. Also, since I'm between jobs, I'm at home an awful lot.
Even when I go out nowadays, it factors in to my observations of people and their behaviors. For example, I don't like the fact that I could tell that some street kid idling in the cafe section of the grocery store was waiting for the bathroom to clear out so he could hit. I wish I could attribute this to my own general personal sketchiness, but that really isn't the case.
I kinda wish I took the blue pill back there, you know?
right now the stuff is good up there where you live , it used to be like that here in california, but it went to shit and those of us who used feel the way you do and kinda fell in love, well it puts us in the wanting to not use the stuff because its bad quality but there is the sometimes chance of finding some real good and then you just keep going up and down..
and even the loss of quality sleep with quality dope, it starts to cause life to be harder.
so yeah if the same love you have is the same love that I had then its going to be a rocky love.
Hey Bakin', please take care, you're at a crossroads, which road to take?? Dunno bud, only you can choose...I'd take the one that leads to the music ya know?? Sending love from the desert
“I’m only 22, my thoughts throughout my entire twenties are going to mainly consist of meth. My actions will mainly consist of smoking chalk and tweaking. My twenties, the youthful prime of my life that I can never get back will be focused and geared towards my meth addiction”
That thought, I know is supposed to make me sad and supposed to be an awful realization… But It doesn’t even make me flinch… Not one bit, I just brush it off and take another hit. Where is my sense of urgency?
If you ask me, the second part is a pretty easy one. Your sense of urgency has been swallowed by your addiction, I think. I'm not telling you that to be judgmental, merely factual. But I'm not a psychologist or an addiction counselor, so I don't know.
The first part of that is more difficult, because you're only 22 and no one knows what will happen the next eight years of your life. Right now, I'm sure you want your entire twenties to mainly consist of meth, and why wouldn't you? You have a job, you're getting high all the time, and other than a mentally crippling addiction, it sounds like life is pretty good. Unlike monkeyspanker, I don't think you're at any particular crossroads right now. Sure, could make the decision to get clean and live an arguably "good" rest of your life, but how does it compare to your "good" life right now?
I think the crossroads come later, maybe a few years from now, when you realize the choice is between getting clean and not seeing thirty. Certainly not all drug addicts end up like this, but it's an unfortunate reality for many. It doesn't sound like you have much reason to quit right now, or perhaps you're still at that point it's still easy to ignore. I know when I was really hooked on coke, as I came to the end of things it became harder and harder to not think about the havoc it was really wreaking on my life so, maybe you'll find that. Maybe you won't, I don't know.
Bakin,I'm right there with ya.I still go out and see friends and lead a somewhat normal life style but i'm constantly thinking about it,it's always in the back of my mind.Even when i'm out having a great time with friends or family and feel genuinely happy,I'm secretly anticipating getting home and taking a huge hit of meth.It's not the only thing I think about or care about but it's a major part of my life for sure.It's like right up there with eating and breathing.hahah.just playin' but you get it,it's pretty important to me.I often wish it wasn't this big a deal to me and that I didn't want it like i do but I'm optimistic about the future and I'm practicing self control by finding other things to do to occupy my time instead of just tweaking.
i no wat u mean forsure bro.i hav a friend he loves it and i mean loves it he'll wake up and straight to his shed and burns, and hell burn all day while makn things outa wood pretty much wateva he can get his hands on to occupy his mind .hes smoked every single day, prob bout close to a ball a day,add that up over 3 yrs its round about a 250000 au dollars a yr habit, one day i watched him smoke cuple grams frm wen he woke up at 10am and they wer gone by 1pm.hes had one week off in them 3yrs, and he was normaal no real effects from all that use,hes still on it jus as hard now, he has no skin problems,weight problems nuthn,he eats and sleeeps 8hrs aday an goes gym and fit as fuk, muscles everywer looks like sumone that would not smoke like that. so bro it jus depends on wat kinda person deep down you are dont let it worry you.if its wat you love .. fuck everyone else ..cause at the end of the day ,lifes fukn boring not on it true.wel thats wat my mate says. i neva touched it.
Swims head is such a mess right now. Swims head is under stress because he was cuddling with his girlfriend and she tells me his breath smells like Meth. After being clean and sober for 5 months still smells like Meth? How do you get rid of that!? It's annoying and now I'm balling my eyes out thinking about killing the pain. Needle come to me please God help me this craving is the devil and I can't make it go away. Just for today I DO want to use. No I DON'T! I don't know! I want to free myself from this misery.. JUST FOR TODAY THE NEEDLE ACHES MY TAPPING VEINS! UGH DANG IT DUDE I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO OR WHO TO FIND THIS MIND IS INSANE NOW =/
Every single thing you said in your post, I can relate to completely. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone on this one. Every single waking thought is about meth, and anything and everything to do with meth. I also think of smoking it, in great detail, about watching it melt and the delicate smoke start to rise. You're not alone. I guess it's just when your addicted to meth, you think about it all the time. i seriously felt like everything you wrote was me!, thats how close it is to how i feel! all your thoughts on meth are the exact same thoughts I have. I unfortunately can't give any advice as I'm in the same situation! But lets just hope that theres a way out of this, someday, when we decide its time to stop. If we can stop...
nevergoback added 10 Minutes and 38 Seconds later...
I would also like to add, with the whole stoppig thing. The question is, do you want to stop? And to me, it sounds like you don'th. I'm at a crossroads, I'm pretty much being forced to go into rehab tomorrow. I'm heavily addicted to meth and it consumes my every waking thought. Like, I lay in bed all day, for 7 hours straight I will lay there and think about meth, smoking meth, how im going to get my next hit, about the last time i was high, about qualities, quantities and price of the drug. I will imagine myself smoking a pipe full of crystal. Every waking thought is about meth, and always thinking "fuck, i could really do with a hit right now". And the excitement I get when I know I'm going to get high, and have that little baggie of magic crystals, is undescribable. And to relive the whole routine of smoking it, and indulge myself in it, is a complete and utter happiness on a whole other level. For you, fellow tweaker, this shits going to fuck you up in the end, if you find yourself thinking about it all the time like i am, well, at least you accept you have a problem, thats good. but the thing is, what comes next? continueing, changing, or getting clean? im not going to tell you which path to take. thats up to you. as for me, im off to rehab tomorrow. i dont even want to go, i want to keep getting high and using meth. but im pretty much being made to go.
Last edited by nevergoback; 11-04-2012 at 04:30.
Reason: Automerged Doublepost
I remember when I would want the smoke sooo bad, I would get butterflies in my stomach............just counting down the time till I knew I could knock on the door and get that white (methamphetamine for those who don't know what "white" would be).
I loved it, the creative side I had, the insane and complex theories I would ponder and read about for hours, it was just so freaking cool. The way it made me feel, the white clouds just bringing me to new heights.
Then, because of a life changing event, I stopped for good.
Flash forward to last week........another piece of tooth broke off, from a piece of bread. I have 15 teeth left, well, only 7 full teeth, the rest are broken. My hygine has nothing to do with it, it was from the years of fucking my body up from meth.
The cravings, the intense joy when you score, when you light that first flame or snort that first line, even when you slam that first pool, it's nothing compared to the depression and sadness that comes from the after effects of meth.
I don't judge those who do it, I don't look down, or feel sorry for them, I don't feel sorry for myself. We are adults, we make our own choices and everyone has fucked up shit that happens in their life. I can only hope that people make the choice to stop, but, until then, have fun and be safe doing it.
A SIGH AS THE NEEDLE SLIDES IN I KNOW WHAT'S COMING SKIN ON SKIN GIVE ME WHATEVER YOU'VE GOT LET ME SHARE THIS BEAUTIFUL POISON AND FLUID I CAN DO IT MYSELF YOU ARE TWITCHING LIKE A BITCH WHY ARE YOU NERVOUS WOULD YOU LIKE MY ASSISTANCE FUCK MY EXISTENCE A GASP AS THE LIQUID IS SET FREE INTO THE SYSTEM LET GO AND LET ME RELEASE AND THEN LET GO BE FREE BE ME A SINNER ARE YOU HIGH GETTING HIGHER NOW CAN YOU TALK WITH A BLINK OF AN EYE HOW ABOUT A THOUSAND MILLION BLINKS AND YOUR EYES ROLLED BACK YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE A WALKING HEART ATTACK I WOULDN'T WANT IT ANY OTHER WAY BUT STILL.. YOU CAN'T CALL THIS A LIVING BECAUSE THE THRILL ONLY LASTS FOR SO LONG AND AS THE HIGH WARES OFF SO DOES YOUR COCK AND IT'S BACK TO THE HELL HOLE YOU WERE ONCE STUCK IN.. WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN NOW? YOU ARE ALONE AND THE CLOUDED ROOM NEVER SEEMED SO EMPTY FILLED WITH VAMPIRES WITH PALE SKIN BLOWING SMOKE THAT FUCKING DOPE WE CHOKE ON BUT NOW ALL I WANT TO REMEMBER IS THE SHADOW OF MY PAST SELF BECAUSE I WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE WITH THE WORST DISEASE I WOULD SLAM A COUPLE OF GRAMS MAYBE HUNDREDS I CAN'T REMEMBER BUT I COULD TELL YOU I JUST DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN BECAUSE MY TOLERANCE WAS WAY TOO HIGH I COULDN'T EVEN FEEL A THING SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF GOING ON WITH THIS SHIT I'VE LOST MY WAYS ALONG THE ROAD AND I WAS OVER IT IT'S A START OF A NEW YEAR AND I HAVE TO VOW TO BE A MORE CLEAR MINDED AND SOBER MAN BE FREE FROM ALL MY DEMONS I CAN SEE THE FINISH LINE THAT I WILL CONQUER AND CROSS INTO MY NEW DESTINY I DON'T WANT TO LOSE EVERYTHING AND END UP ALONE INSTEAD I SEE MY WIFE AND KIDS AT HOME WHERE WE CAN LAUGH AND ROAM FREE AND TRULY BLESSED.. LIVING OUR LIVES THE HAPPIEST WE COULD EVER BE
^^ SWIM's poem written in the past! Pretty much was a user for 10 years on and off and SWIM is 25 years old sober for 5 months doing better now just had an attack and the whole mind over matter is hard sometimes. It's hard to rebuke when SWIM has used for that long but knowing SWIM has a future now it's getting easier! SWIM just hates days that focus on the needle and nothing but that but one has to be stronger ain't that a fact? SWIM feels welcomed and hope the poem wasn't too much for anyone to view SWIM is still new to the forum and hopes the rules haven't been broken so SWIM apologizes if something was said that was too much! Cheers!
When I’m not high, basically all I’m thinking of is how fucking good its gonna feel to take that first hit… I picture it, melting it, rolling it around… I can taste it. I think about my next step towards acquiring some more. I gotta call dealer…..Okay I gotta cash cheque… Okay gotta meet dealer… Yessssss...
But it seems like theres this world inside my head and that world is just completely based upon meth. All day every day, it’s all I’m thinking about!! Meth, meth ,meth meth….Theres no way to stop it. To be honest, im not trying to explain it as if it’s a terrible problem Im facing, I like thinking about it… Ive been this way for, well at least a year anyway, Ive been addicted for 3. Well, no it’s probably been this way all three years.
I know one day I should quit, and hopefully that idea will be easier to accept over the years. But right now, to imagine no meth in my life, and not even thinking about it sounds absolutely impossible. My whole life right now seems to be so diluted and overcome with thoughts of meth and, imagining these thoughts cut in half even seems like an epic feat.
if you havent you should read up on how meth effects your brain and behavior.
because meth produes all that dopmaine in your brain, from the first time you did it, your brain connects meth and everything related to it, with pleasure and feeling good.(despite any negative effects) after contined use in looking for theose desirable effects your brain re organizes itself around meth. any thing you do to get and use meth becomes litterally imprinted on your brain. you map out a route to get high and it becomes part of your brain, like a natural response, so even thinking about not using can be extremely difficult...for your brain.
Hey everyone! I've been lacking an internet connection for the past couple weeks, but I'm back now. I was really happy with the response I got from this thread, and it felt really good knowing how some of you genuinely care about my well-being... It's appreciated! Don't worry about me though, I do value myself and my life very much, and I know I possess the fortitude to one day be able to acquire more meaning in my life and get over my affliction. That day will come when I have the desire, for now I'm just not gonna concern myself over it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SatansGod
I feel ya man. The biggest one for me is always how much easier situation a, b, or c would be if i was high. Or how much easier it would be to get project x done high.
Out of curiosity how long have you been seeing her?
Very true! Sometimes i'll even put off a task if I'm sober because "it'll be easier when I'm high"
And I've been addicted for about 3.5 years now, roughly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bravez
If it's any consolation, it made me a little sad. Your boy B is by no means someone with any certification to or background in counseling, but I suspect that you wouldn't write that much on the subject if you weren't just a _little_ bit concerned. Then again, at the end of the day, I'm most likely projecting.
Anyway, yeah, it's not something I actively think about, but given the company I find myself keeping recently and community I live in, it's more of a tertiary thought process consideration.
I kinda wish I took the blue pill back there, you know?
Well it isnt consolation, I'm not looking for pity, but I can see how it sounds kinda sad... lol like I know it's sad, but it doesn't make me sad... If that makes sense. And you're right Im sure deep down there is a bit of concern in me, but when Im high which is most of the time, I don't care about a thing except the task at hand. Thanks for the reply though
Personally, I'm quite happy I took the red pill. Every choice I've made had made me who I am today.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beentheredonethatagain
right now the stuff is good up there where you live , it used to be like that here in california, but it went to shit and those of us who used feel the way you do and kinda fell in love, well it puts us in the wanting to not use the stuff because its bad quality but there is the sometimes chance of finding some real good and then you just keep going up and down..
and even the loss of quality sleep with quality dope, it starts to cause life to be harder.
so yeah if the same love you have is the same love that I had then its going to be a rocky love.
Yeah well the qualities been slippin for the past year. It's already kinda goin to shit, but I only started like three years ago, so I've never really had a taste of the shit that I'm sure was spectacular way back when. I just hope the decrease in quality comes to a halt soon... Still gets me where I wanna go though, and I got a solid connect. I try not to think about what the future of my meth supply and quality, if it deteriorates, than I guess there is nothing I can do, might as well enjoy it while I can but yeah I've heard the good shit in Cali is getting hard to find. Thanks for your reply!
Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeyspanker
Hey Bakin', please take care, you're at a crossroads, which road to take?? Dunno bud, only you can choose...I'd take the one that leads to the music ya know?? Sending love from the desert
Thanks! Appreciate your concern... Personally though i dont think I'm quite at the crossroad. I have no intention or desire to quit anytime soon, I'm in love with my addiction. The thought of meth makes me feel warm. If and when that changes, I believe I will be able to make the right choices. Music is my passion, but I like meth and music I want both lol... I hear ya tho.. thanks! Sending love from the tundra!
Quote:
Originally Posted by baZING
The first part of that is more difficult, because you're only 22 and no one knows what will happen the next eight years of your life. Right now, I'm sure you want your entire twenties to mainly consist of meth, and why wouldn't you?
I think the crossroads come later, maybe a few years from now, when you realize the choice is between getting clean and not seeing thirty. Certainly not all drug addicts end up like this, but it's an unfortunate reality for many. It doesn't sound like you have much reason to quit right now, or perhaps you're still at that point it's still easy to ignore. I know when I was really hooked on coke, as I came to the end of things it became harder and harder to not think about the havoc it was really wreaking on my life so, maybe you'll find that. Maybe you won't, I don't know.
But I'm with bravez, and kind of sad for you.
Good to get advice from a former addict. You're right I do want to be around meth. The thought of living without it and being clean is scary and sounds unappealing. As for the crossroads, well theres just no telling what will become of me.. Only time can tell, but you got one thing right, its very easy to ignore.
And please don't be sad for me. I'm not lost, or confused, or not seeing something that that everyone around me can. I know the dangers, and severity of my addiction is, and I know what the potential outcomes can be. It's my choice and I'm okay with it, so there's no need to feel sad for me. I don't like being pitied. But thanks very much for your reply, it was insightful. Cheers
Quote:
Originally Posted by cloud_nine
Bakin,I'm right there with ya.I still go out and see friends and lead a somewhat normal life style but i'm constantly thinking about it,it's always in the back of my mind.Even when i'm out having a great time with friends or family and feel genuinely happy,I'm secretly anticipating getting home and taking a huge hit of meth.It's not the only thing I think about or care about but it's a major part of my life for sure.It's like right up there with eating and breathing.hahah.just playin' but you get it,it's pretty important to me.I often wish it wasn't this big a deal to me and that I didn't want it like i do but I'm optimistic about the future and I'm practicing self control by finding other things to do to occupy my time instead of just tweaking.
Hehe I know you are thanks c9, it's good to be optimistic, I try to be optimistic about the future as well. I envy your initiative in trying to find activities to replace tweaking with, I can't even think of something I'd rather do than tweak lol... Im sure Ill get there. Thank you
Quote:
Originally Posted by nevergoback
Every single thing you said in your post, I can relate to completely. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone on this one. Every single waking thought is about meth, and anything and everything to do with meth. I also think of smoking it, in great detail, about watching it melt and the delicate smoke start to rise. You're not alone. I guess it's just when your addicted to meth, you think about it all the time. i seriously felt like everything you wrote was me!, thats how close it is to how i feel! all your thoughts on meth are the exact same thoughts I have. I unfortunately can't give any advice as I'm in the same situation! But lets just hope that theres a way out of this, someday, when we decide its time to stop. If we can stop...
nevergoback added 10 Minutes and 38 Seconds later...
I would also like to add, with the whole stoppig thing. The question is, do you want to stop? And to me, it sounds like you don'th. I'm at a crossroads, I'm pretty much being forced to go into rehab tomorrow. I'm heavily addicted to meth and it consumes my every waking thought. Like, I lay in bed all day, for 7 hours straight I will lay there and think about meth, smoking meth, how im going to get my next hit, about the last time i was high, about qualities, quantities and price of the drug. I will imagine myself smoking a pipe full of crystal. Every waking thought is about meth, and always thinking "fuck, i could really do with a hit right now". And the excitement I get when I know I'm going to get high, and have that little baggie of magic crystals, is undescribable. And to relive the whole routine of smoking it, and indulge myself in it, is a complete and utter happiness on a whole other level. For you, fellow tweaker, this shits going to fuck you up in the end, if you find yourself thinking about it all the time like i am, well, at least you accept you have a problem, thats good. but the thing is, what comes next? continueing, changing, or getting clean? im not going to tell you which path to take. thats up to you. as for me, im off to rehab tomorrow. i dont even want to go, i want to keep getting high and using meth. but im pretty much being made to go.
Awesome, I like knowing theres someone just like me and yeah, hopefully when I want to stop, there is a way out.. I just try not to think about it.. But no, I currently dont have any desire at all to stop.
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatsmynameagain
if you havent you should read up on how meth effects your brain and behavior.
because meth produes all that dopmaine in your brain, from the first time you did it, your brain connects meth and everything related to it, with pleasure and feeling good.(despite any negative effects) after contined use in looking for theose desirable effects your brain re organizes itself around meth. any thing you do to get and use meth becomes litterally imprinted on your brain. you map out a route to get high and it becomes part of your brain, like a natural response, so even thinking about not using can be extremely difficult...for your brain.
Thanks for the heads up! But considering how much I smoke, and that I sleep maybe 3 times a week on average, a lot of that time I have thats normally spent sleeping, I spend on the cpu... and I have spent countless hours just researching anything and everything about meth. When I first started I was so obsessed and fascinated by it, I wanted to know everything about it! So yeah I know all about what you just said..... and basically the only thing it makes me think is "meh"...... Thank you as well tho for your concern.. I cant really think of something anyone could ever say that would make me think twice about my meth addiction.
I mean, I know its bad for me, I assure you, thats not why I do it lol.
You're right tho, thinking about a meth free life, is hard to do and is a terrible thought.
Well thanks again everybody for your genuine and supportive answers! This thread is a great example of why I love this website so much. Where else could I get valuable feedback like this? Feels like a family. Take care everyone
yea this shits a part of daily ritual life now.
i feel ya man, its ALWAYS ON MY MIND, cant wait to get home to smoke when at work...cant wait 2 just hit the pipe wen im not...
SWIM finds himself thinking about it in one form or another. No matter what store he goes to, you can find him reading all the labels of anything and everything in search of "useful chemicals" that could be distilled out.
I want both lol... I hear ya tho.. thanks! Sending love from the tundra!
