Hi, I am 33 years old and have been using hydrocodone since 2007. It started innocently enough and has progressed to where I am now. IN HELL! I had started to have a few issues in 2007, but after my mom died, and I am the one who found her ( long story ) it escalated big time! 2008 was NOT a good year. I had a legit script...7.5/500 with 6 refills and a dead mother, she was only 54. Ironically enough she died from toxic effects of methadone, so I damn well know better. Spent the better part of my life ridiculing her for her problems, never realizing exactly what she was going through. Needless to say, addiction is in my blood. I played with fire and now am paying the price. I have 3 young children and a husband who is not the most supportive of souls. I can now take up to 10 10/500 lortab a day and right now I am in hell. I had my last 2 1/2 tens on monday, half of a 10 on tuesday, 3 7.5's on wednesday and one 7.5 yesterday and nothing today and I am losing the mental battle here. I have no one I can talk to. Trying to go on as if nothing is wrong. I take them when I get them til they are gone, withdrawal and damn well do it all over again, and again and again. But this time mine led to more, that led to my husband's, back to mine before I knew it I had been going this time for close to six weeks or so. Not that long I know, but I have done this so many damn times that each time is worse and worse and I knew this would be bad, but not THIS bad. Please tell me this will pass. I feel like I will feel like this forever. The want for another pill, the only thing to take this feeling away is killing me. This has lead me to do things I would never do normally....mainly steal and the guilt is eating me up. I am not this person. I knew better and am so ashamed of myself after what I saw my mom go throuhg. OMG. I just hope the worse is almost over. I just honestly feel like I cannot take this for one more second.
sounds like a rehab might have the answer for you, If you feel powerless over your addiction then you might try checking it out, I know that the waiting list is long , in the mean time narcotics anonymous helps alot of people , one addict helping another stay clean one day at a time.
withdrawals are the worst and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
Go to your doctor first thing in the morning and they can help you by giving you medicine to help with withdrawal and check out the Thomas Recipe for detoxing. There are many ways people have gotten off, including suboxone, methadone, clonidine, benzos.
I know how it feels and its a nightmare but if you have been through it before im sure you can do it again.I would recommend buying some loperamide,it doesnt stop the rattle but really does ease it up a lot.Maybe some B vitamins as well and if you can get them valium or a similiar benzo drug can help you get through it.Just be careful not to switch one drug for the other like a lot of people do.Exercise also helps a lot after you get through the first 5-7 days of withdrawal.In my experience this can often be the hard part after the physical symptoms go its a mental battle.Even if its just a walk round the block or whatever it really does help.You also need to try giving yourself different 'rewards' for your brain/body just simple things like eating chocolate or sex which both help as well.
Welcome to the boards, SS. I daresay, there's nary a one among us who doesn't know intimately well the situation you describe and who hasn't done all this same crap you have (and much 'worse' in many cases). Lying, cheating, stealing, hustling ... you 'do what you gotta do'. That's all part and parcel of how the disease of addiction works once you're in it's clutches. It doesn't make you 'bad' ... unless we're all just a bunch of 'bad people' ... but I don't believe that for one second
On the upside of this situation, a max 100mg/day hydro habit ... I don't wanna downplay the seriousness, but honestly ... it can get a LOT worse than that unless you decide to nip this thing in the proverbial bud before it does.
For my part, I used to have a 240-320mg/day oxycodone habit at one point, and that stuff is even stronger by about 25% per mg. I was buying it on the mean streets, and this habit was $90-120/day, and it went on for YEARS. I ended up losing my job, my girlfriend, sold my condo (right before I lost it) and blew the considerable proceeds on dope (that was 2005), started adding Rx stimulants like adderall to the mix, had some coke and speed runs during this time ... I mean ... it got BAD. And I didn't stop until I'd lost everything and ended up kicking buprenorphine on mommy's couch at 40 years old with no place to live, nor two nickels to rub together.
The most important question I have for you now is this ... are you so miserable just because you're out of pills, or do you feel like you're learned your lesson here and want to stop the madness finally?
Because one thing I can tell you from experience is that there's a fairly profound difference in the mindset (and hence how tolerable it is) you have about the withdrawal experience when you're going through it willingly because you're DONE ... vs. what it feels like when you're just 'out of pills' and have no intention of actually stopping. It's miserable either way, don't get me wrong, but ... it's far worse being in w/d's when your mindset is focused entirely on getting more pills to make it go away.
My best advice to you is this: considering you're at a max of 100mg/day of hydro, and having gone through w/d's a bunch of times recently, and having tapered down over the past few days ... this is a real good time to bite the bullet, suffer the w/d's and STOP this insanity. Make up your mind that you're DONE. Because if you don't, I promise you all it's going to do is get worse from here if you don't stop.
Sooner on later you're going to go down the rabbit hole, and start looking for an illicit source (which you'll probably find cause LOTS of people sell these pills) and/or doctor shopping and/or buying online ... and that's when shit's gonna get REAL bad, cause then there's nothing stopping you from going non-stop until you're completely broke. Then you'll have SERIOUS problems.
Yes, it's gonna suck for about 5 days, but think about what a small price that is to pay for getting your life back. If I were you I'd stock up on gatorade type of drinks, grab a six pack of Ensure, some aspirin/tylenol, some doxylamine succinate (antihistamine that's in most Unisom and Nyquil formulations ... ask the pharmacist to help find something w/that in it) to help you maybe sleep at night, and some imodium to help with the runs. Wash your sheets so your bed is comfy, take lots of hot showers, go out on walks, listen to music, watch movies ... basically take it easy ... make like you're sick and needing to take care of yourself.
So my last question to you is this ... if not now ... then when?
I'll also add one more thing ... I can't stay clean without being involved in some kind of recovery program, going to lots of meetings, working with other addicts and alcoholics. Esp. at first when I've gotten clean (which I've done a few times) I go to LOTS of meetings. I highly advise you consider doing the same.
The above poster has given you some great advice. I myself have just recently got off a fairly large oxycontin addiction. (oxycodone) and as the above poster stated this is a much more powerful drug than hydrocodone (not saying your problem is not a serious one or anything just letting you know theres people here that have been through hell just like you) I REALLY reccomened you go see your doctor about this, I know it can be scary and some find it to be rather embarrasing but mine was EXTREAMLY supportive and helpful and honestly I dont think I could have done it without him. He prescribed me a med called clonodine which is probably the most commonly prescribed med for any type of opiate withdrawals and it helped very much. It takes away the feeling of restlessness all over your body, the hot and cold flashes that I always got when in withdrawal and generally just helped me relax a bit although it is not a euphoric drug or anything like that (there is no "high") The worst part about the withdrawals for me was not being able to sleep all night, just tossing and turning and never ever getting comfterable. The clondine does make one very drowsy and sleepy so some people find if you just take a couple before bed it will help you sleep but this would not really work for me so I went back to the doctor and he prescribed me some valium (diazapam) I LOVE my doctor for this as the valium knocked me RIGHT out for the whole night and took most of my withdrawal symptoms away. He only gave me 7 tablets as obviously he knows I am a drug abuser and benzo's can be very addicting so I was to take one before bed every night for a week but honestly I have been through withdrawal MANY times before I actually quit and it never lasted a full week for me, it could just be because I am young and in good health but after about 3 days I started feeling better and after 5 full days I felt amazing. I have heard some people say it lasts for up to two weeks for them but as you are on a pretty low dosage of opiates compared to most I dont think you will feel bad for more than a week. Definently get some immoiduim (loperamide) to help with the runs you may experience and just take it easy, try your best to do some mild exersise even though I know it will be hard. Just try and get out for a walk and get some air on a nice day. It will all be over soon and soon you will have your life back! I believe in you. Stay strong.
thank you to you all. I am sitting here crying my eyes out and trying to deal with a 3 month old. God I feel horrible. Some great advice you have all given me and I thank you. I am just so scared right now. I crossed the line at some point of feeling in control of this to not and I am scared. I know the right answer, and you have all reinforced it for me. I DO want my life back, this is no way to live. I DO want to quit this, but my mind isn't letting me fully grasp that just now damn it. It's all...next pill when? when? I am fighting this tooth and nail trying to get in the NO MORE mindset, truthfully I am. I know my problem isn't as bad as most, and I don't want it to get there either. I saw what this did to my mother and the shame I feel is almost as bad as WD's. I will keep you updated. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
You are not alone through this, and shold you ever need to talk, my pm's there for you. I will for sure find distraction techniques for anyone on here who needs distracting!!!
Don't feel too bad. The fact that you're having regrets and are realizing the impact on your baby is a huge step. Now it's time to bring it home. If you try to do this alone you will most likely fail. I know it's hard to accept but the statistics are just screaming with this. Power in numbers, get hooked up with a positive group, preferably a 12 step program.
Also, one very important thing with prescription addictions. Sometimes, cold turkey is the worst thing you can do. Highly advise seeing a doctor as to what the recommendation to properly get off this drug is. Some drugs hook a mind and body so much that a cold turkey cut will spiral the body into a potentially harmful situation. Please see a doctor and get informed.
is tapering an option? wait until you go into w/d and then take as small amount as you need to just take away the worst symptoms. stay on this dose until you feel normal on it and then go down again and stay until you feel normal. keep doing this until you are no longer taking the hydrocodone. it has worked for my rattie girl in the past.
I agree with all the past post exspeily bret his words have helped me tremendously and u realy have to get it in ur mind mind mind mind mind that u are gona stop cause for me the physical wds where and are bearable BUT the mind is a powerful thing it can drop anybody to there knees. Just stay strong and think of your youngins they can be the biggest factors in your quiting
well, Im a new member on this forum but Ive been an addict off and on for the last 12 years... Ive detoxed 100s of time, literally... most of the time it was mild to moderate withdrawals..Everybody is different but Ive noticed when my withdrawals were mild to moderate, the best thing for me to do is get out and do something, weather its a walk or a jog or anything physical that makes you sweat. it not only helps keep your mind off of it, but it seems to help quicken the withdrawal process. If its severe withdrawals,GO TO A DETOX CENTER!! I cant emphasize that enough... Not only is kicking a bad opiate habit excruciating, it can be extremely dangerous.. Most Detox centers will give you blood pressure pills to lower your heart rate and keep you from having a frickin heart attack and valium or something similar to help with the anxiety and keep you from flopping around like a fish... I went to Detox to kick a gram a day heroin habit a few years ago. I tried to kick it cold turkey by myself and.... well lets just say i would rather of been dead. Detox made it a 100 times easier, I swear to you it will help more than you can imagine. And also you wont be going through it alone. there will be many other people there going through the same thing you are. You need to surround yourself with supportive like minded people so I suggest you go to N/A meetings once you get sober. You can get support from Family and Friends but if their not recovering addicts themselves, they really have no Idea what your going through.. Its alot easier to talk to people who can relate. Rehab was also a great learning experience for me, although I have fallen off the wagon tons of times, I think the things i learned in rehab have kept me from becoming a full blown user again. Getting Clean is the easy part believe it or not. Staying clean is the real challenge. But you can do it!! Hopefully what I've said will be helpful to you. Good Luck girl..... Oh yeah, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM SUBOXONE AND METHADONE!!!! I've heard nothing but horror stories about that crap.. GOOD LUCK..
Dillon added 47 Minutes and 49 Seconds later...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dillon
well, Im a new member on this forum but Ive been an addict off and on for the last 12 years... Ive detoxed 100s of time, literally... most of the time it was mild to moderate withdrawals..Everybody is different but Ive noticed when my withdrawals were mild to moderate, the best thing for me to do is get out and do something, weather its a walk or a jog or anything physical that makes you sweat. it not only helps keep your mind off of it, but it seems to help quicken the withdrawal process. If its severe withdrawals,GO TO A DETOX CENTER!! I cant emphasize that enough... Not only is kicking a bad opiate habit excruciating, it can be extremely dangerous.. Most Detox centers will give you blood pressure pills to lower your heart rate and keep you from having a frickin heart attack and valium or something similar to help with the anxiety and keep you from flopping around like a fish... I went to Detox to kick a gram a day heroin habit a few years ago. I tried to kick it cold turkey by myself and.... well lets just say i would rather of been dead. Detox made it a 100 times easier, I swear to you it will help more than you can imagine. And also you wont be going through it alone. there will be many other people there going through the same thing you are. You need to surround yourself with supportive like minded people so I suggest you go to N/A meetings once you get sober. You can get support from Family and Friends but if their not recovering addicts themselves, they really have no Idea what your going through.. Its alot easier to talk to people who can relate. Rehab was also a great learning experience for me, although I have fallen off the wagon tons of times, I think the things i learned in rehab have kept me from becoming a full blown user again. Getting Clean is the easy part believe it or not. Staying clean is the real challenge. But you can do it!! Hopefully what I've said will be helpful to you. Good Luck girl..... Oh yeah, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM SUBOXONE AND METHADONE!!!! I've heard nothing but horror stories about that crap.. GOOD LUCK..
"You cant control the wind but you can adjust your sails" self control
Last edited by Dillon; 01-04-2012 at 15:38.
Reason: Automerged Doublepost
I totally support you wanting to get sober and if your going to do it you have to do it cause you don't want the life of an addict anymore and will do anything to stop, not because you ran out of pills and are going through withdrawal and wanna make it to your next fix. Based on how much you've been using and how you've had a slight taper your physical withdrawals shouldn't be that bad (and by that I mean not life threatening) the mental part is a lot more difficult than the physical. I know plenty of junkies that have quit more than ten times and keep going back. You have to get into a program (in or out patient) and you have to put all of your effort into getting better.
The main thing you need to keep in mind is that all the terrible things that you're feeling right now and all the guilt you have is a result of your use. Taking another pill is not the solution things will only get worse and worse til you have nothing left to lose.
ps. I hope your doing an extraction on the hydro's cause taking that much APAP/Aceteminophine/Aspirin will fuck up your liver
thanks everyone, I really appreciate all the kind words, truths and support. After one hell of weekend, I have decided that this has to stop. I have to stop it before it gets bad. It is already bad but you know. I am past the physical wd's and it's all in my head now and battling my own mind is not something I have ever been very good at. I have spoken to a few close friends and I have their support. One of which quit drinking a few months ago after years of drinking. I am going to have to go one day at a time and I will do what I have to to get through this. You have all given me some great advice and I am so glad I found this forum. Thank you. I know it's not too late, that it's never too late, but I don't like where this is going. My mom got on methadone to deal with her issues..all that led to was a hell of an addiction to methadone..she would abuse that just as much as anything else, and eventually her death at 54 years old. I always vowed to never be like my mother and the one thing my mother never did was ask for help. I will keep posting and I truly do appreciate the support.
starstorm added 837 Minutes and 59 Seconds later...
I feel much better today. I wish I could say I went all weekend without taking anything but that is just not true. I took enough to bring me to 'normal' yesterday and this morning I can tell a BIG difference in how I feel. That "there's something missing in my brain" feeling is almost gone. The fog is lifting a bit. Thank goodness. Still have some intestinal issues but the aches are gone and I am not sweating all the time. I'll take this feeling over the way I felt on Friday any day! Hoping I am over the perverbial hump and can take it an hour at a time now.
Last edited by starstorm; 02-04-2012 at 15:36.
Reason: Automerged Doublepost
starstorm, start a journal. You can chart your progress, or lack thereof, and trust me, you will start to feel better. Or at least, more normal, whatever that means to whoever.
Who's in charge? You're in charge. "They" will play with your mind, but you.are.in.charge.
starstorm, start a journal. You can chart your progress, or lack thereof, and trust me, you will start to feel better. Or at least, more normal, whatever that means to whoever.
Who's in charge? You're in charge. "They" will play with your mind, but you.are.in.charge.
It really is great advice for the OP to start a journal.
Directly after bodily w/d we are so mixed-up-in-all-emotions-at-once that writing about it can do two different things to you:
To help you find out what you really feel like, inside and
Help others understand what you go through and so help them in similar situations.
A journal is the best way to keep track of how getting back to normal feels, read back what you felt some weeks ago and compare to your then situation.
Dillon, opioid detox is really only life-threatening for people are already in really bad health, like with progressive heart, liver, or kidney disease. People who already have one foot in the grave, so to speak.
The only actual potentially dangerous effect of w/d's for a reasonably healthy person is dehydration due to vomiting and/or diarrhea. As long as you drink fluids to offset this effect, there's no way opioid w/d's are life-threatening.
And good for you SS, making this decision, you're doing the right thing, I promise
What are you saying you 'took' over the weekend, though, exactly? Because taking any opioids at this point, when you already suffered through a couple days of detox ... is sliding backwards I'm afraid.
