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Opiate addiction Support for coping with Opiate addiction and Opiate addiction treatment.

 
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  #26  
Old 30-03-2012, 01:13
pinky808 pinky808 is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

I don't have too much to add to this thread, as there is so much good advice here.

But I can relate to you, being young and addicted to opiates (oxy) myself. It took a really long time for me to get the amount of "Help" that I needed. After about a year of doing it everyday and dealing with withdrawals when I couldn't get it and being like "I want to stop I can do this on my own..." I admitted to my parents about my oxy use and I decided to go to a detox center. I lasted about 2 days there because it was kinda scary and I was the only girl there, everyone else was there court ordered. I didn't know about this prior so I left, feeling uncomfortable and the withdrawals were getting to my head. So basically after that I was clean for 2ish months and I was doing sooo good and feeling good. My friend and I went on a trip to Hollywood, I paid for it all by myself. I wasn't in debt anymore and I was doing all these things I had wanted to do.

Basically I started dating this guy who was super square. And I thought he would be good for me. I thought that he would make me a better person and I would be drug free with him but I just ended up using way more. It all started with me doing 5mg percs and then I was back onto the 30mg oxys as many as I could afford. So I kept it a secret and only told him when I decided to break up with him (which my addiction wasn't the only reason why)

My parents thought that I had stopped oxy, so I had to recently tell them again that I was back on it and I was really scared to do it. My therapist had been urging me to do so but I was like nooo. I wanted to do it on my own. What I've learned is that you can't do it on your own. (although I find it easier without a boyfriend)

Some things that have helped me was the Thomas Recipe, music music music, clean friends, writing in my journal, these boards (not knowing you're alone is huge), my outpatient program, yoga (love yoga), trying different foods, just doing ANYTHING I can to distract me from wanting to use and being bored. I like reading too... just anything to keep me from thinking.

You've come a far way in a short time and I hope all the best for you in your recovery darling!!!
  #27  
Old 30-03-2012, 15:57
Tdogg49 Tdogg49 is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Pillpopper - Thank you for all of the useful information. My friend will see what she can get her hands on. From the few previous withdrawal experiences she has had, she only had the fever like chills and hotness. She hasn't thrown up or gotten diarrhea from w/d's yet, and is hoping that it stays that way this time, seeing as how they have occurred not so long ago.

Pinky - Thanks for sharing your story, and for your support.

She has taken off work the 9th and 10th, so detox starts the 7th. I'll do my best to keep you all updated during that time, and again thank you all for the support and advice, it has helped a lot. I don't know if my friend would have been able to go through any of this without you guys. (telling her parents, starting NA meetings, and actually going through with stopping, hopefully for good)
  #28  
Old 30-03-2012, 18:36
brettjv brettjv is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pillpopper96743 View Post
that I know help for OP WD's: Klonopin, Kratom (if desired), DXM, daily vitamins/suppliments especially magnesium and potassium, immodium, anti anxiety medication (Xanax, Valium or Ativan), <snip>

-Klonopin - heart rate/high blood pressure/ chills/ insomnia/nausea (very good, but hes never used this before) Cuts withdrawal down by 1/3 or more.
.
Small correction here, you appear to be saying Klonopin when what you mean is Clonidine. Klonopin is a benzo, like valium, xanax and ativan. Clonidine is the blood pressure med that helps take the edge off.

Personally I recommend Clonidine, but not Klonopin or any other benzo except perhaps in extreme cold-turkey type of cases, preferably under supervision i.e. rehab. I would also advise against Kratom, personally. It's just another opioid-agonist drug, and all that's going to do is delay the inevitable. DXM would probably do the same, and taking enough to get you out of w/d's ... would also get you pretty damn tweaked/loaded.

Everything else mentioned though I'm behind 100%

To respond to what Pinky said ... I also generally prefer AA, even though I'm an opioid addict primarily and it's more religious generally (which I don't like) ... but I generally find it more 'organized', with more long-term sobriety at the average meeting, and the wisdom that accompanies that, plus it's people more from my own socio-economic background, etc. I do, however, prefer reading the NA Basic Text to the Big Book of AA, and I like that the steps say 'Higher Power' instead of God at NA.

But guys will hit on girls wherever you go in this world, I don't think that aspect is all that different ... but the guys at AA are probably generally a bit less sketchy

Last edited by brettjv; 30-03-2012 at 18:53.
  #29  
Old 31-03-2012, 01:17
pillpopper96743 pillpopper96743 is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by brettjv View Post
Small correction here, you appear to be saying Klonopin when what you mean is Clonidine. Klonopin is a benzo, like valium, xanax and ativan. Clonidine is the blood pressure med that helps take the edge off.

Personally I recommend Clonidine, but not Klonopin or any other benzo except perhaps in extreme cold-turkey type of cases, preferably under supervision i.e. rehab. I would also advise against Kratom, personally. It's just another opioid-agonist drug, and all that's going to do is delay the inevitable. DXM would probably do the same, and taking enough to get you out of w/d's ... would also get you pretty damn tweaked/loaded.

Everything else mentioned though I'm behind 100%

To respond to what Pinky said ... I also generally prefer AA, even though I'm an opioid addict primarily and it's more religious generally (which I don't like) ... but I generally find it more 'organized', with more long-term sobriety at the average meeting, and the wisdom that accompanies that, plus it's people more from my own socio-economic background, etc. I do, however, prefer reading the NA Basic Text to the Big Book of AA, and I like that the steps say 'Higher Power' instead of God at NA.

But guys will hit on girls wherever you go in this world, I don't think that aspect is all that different ... but the guys at AA are probably generally a bit less sketchy

Yeah, youre right. My friend doesnt have any experience with klonopin or any other prescribed medications for withdrawal other than xanax, so correction necessary. Thanks for clarifying man Also with the difference between two sort of similar names with withdrawal meds that Ive been getting confused.

Tdogg49 - Thank you for taking our advice. It makes a difference to me, knowing that somebody can learn from my friends mistakes and make better choices than he did. Im happy to have taken a part in changing someones life for the better.

My friend is on day 5 of his cold turkey detox and he says it feels great. There are some lingering symptoms but he feels different. Alive, mentally clear/focused, got back into training, lifting weights and making music...etc etc. All that good stuff. Hes been using for about 1 year straight with only a month clean inbetween. Now hes staying clean forever. Hes going to stop using nicotine also....eventually... So, I guess hes saying for once, sobriety is a really good feeling. Keep staying positive and keep checking in Tdogg. Ill be here to respond

Last edited by pillpopper96743; 31-03-2012 at 01:39. Reason: forgot to add some stuff.
  #30  
Old 02-04-2012, 16:28
Tdogg49 Tdogg49 is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Hey my friend has another question. She would like to know if there are any over the counter meds that will help her get a good nights sleep through the withdrawals, because the first time she got them was in the morning one day around four or five and wasn't able to fall back asleep. She just kept tossing and turning.

Thanks.
  #31  
Old 02-04-2012, 17:43
brettjv brettjv is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Tdogg ... the best OTC sleep aids (in the US) are things that contain doxylamine succinate. It's an anti-histamine found in Unisom and Nyquil (at least, it is in the region I live in, the SW USA). Some folks suggest Benadryl or other meds containing diphenhydramine, but in my experience this drug doesn't work for SQUAT, in fact, I've had it make my nighttime discomfort worse when I tried it.

Ask your pharmacist if you can't easily find anything with the doxylamine succinate. Chances are high that Unisom will have it though so start there

Personally I've graduated to Ambien while in detox ... I refuse to suffer through not sleeping, and my sub doctor has let me have it both times I've detoxed ... that stuff works a treat. I pop up after 4 hours, but then I just take another to finish getting my 7-8.

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Thanks for the advice.
  #32  
Old 03-04-2012, 09:26
pillpopper96743 pillpopper96743 is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Sleep, my friend finds, is a rarity and a treasure when withdrawling. The first night he got about 5 hours. second night:4 hours. Third night and through day 7:8 hours total.

Even with sleep medication, its tough to fall asleep and stay asleep with the temp problems, RLS, anxiety etc.

Try and get your hands on some xanax. It made him sleep the first two days at a dose of 1mg. Other than that, some herbal teas and "natural herbal" sleep meds from a grocery store will help. OTC sleep pills with the exception of what Brett said.

Being comfortable is another really big thing when sleeping. Try potassium and magnesium suppliments with lots of water and bananas....even V8 (high in essential vitamins for withdrawal).
  #33  
Old 05-04-2012, 16:31
Tdogg49 Tdogg49 is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

I am not sure how long my friend is going to be able to stay clean for, once she gets clean. She loves heroin, and hates that she has to give it up. Also, as she said before she is not ready to give it up.

Even when buying regularly, shes got dealers hitting her up almost daily, asking if she needs any. One guy even delivers. So even when she deletes the numbers, if she is unable to block them, they are going to keep showing up in her phone and life.

She doesn't know if she can always say no. It is almost like a fat kid saying no to a piece of chocolate cake. Its not likely to happen. Even right now, she's got enough to last her through tomorrow, but it is hard to say no.

She just doesn't know if she is strong enough to stay away for good, and keep saying no. She's not 100% ready to give it up as it is, and it is going to keep stalking her. How does everybody else stay strong enough to say no, and not go back when they aren't even ready to leave.

She wants to think that in a few months she can go back to chipping, but she knows that it will get again, and quicker this time. Even with all the support she is getting, she just doesn't know if she can do it. She has to pretend to be strong for everyone else, so they think that she can get through, but she doesn't really think that she can stay clean. She knows that she can get clean, its the staying clean that's troubling her.

Any advice and suggestions are appreciated.
  #34  
Old 05-04-2012, 18:38
Black Transit Blues Black Transit Blues is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

No doubt you have heard about the concept of "rock bottom" that an addict needs to hit rock bottom before they can get their shit together and clean up their act.

I think there is a great deal of truth in this theory, it's almost like aversion therapy, you need to hit a point where the default setting in the brain switches and comes to associate Heroin not on balance with pleasure but with misery.

Once you are there you can still get caught in a surreal kind of rut like a needle on a vinyl record that sticks on a scratch and keep using for years more, but you are a chance of getting clean eventually because at least you do really want to.

What is the point of all this rambling, silly as it may sound you have to really want to sober up and that means you have to reach a point where your brain at a semiconscious level reaches the conclusion that the advantages of using are heavily outweighted by the downsides.

Once you reach this point you will at least have the desire to kick, and from desire will come the willpower you do need,despite what some people may say.I can tell by your post that you have not reached this point yet, your brain still thinks of Heroin on balance in positive terms.

To put it simply you are yet to hit your "rock bottom" but remember if you keep using you may never get there, you might die first, plenty do.Then again sobriety might arrive not because you choose but because you are doing a long stretch in Prison due to some big time scam to support your ever growing habit coming unstuck.

You are only nineteen, rock bottom can take years to arrive and like I said above years more before it produces sobriety and the older you are when it does the harder it is to pick up the pieces and try to salvage something from the wreckage.

When the time does arrive when you do really want to kiss dope goodbye, you may well find you no longer have any clean friends, your family have given up on you,you have lost a lot of social skills when it comes to mixing in mainstream society, a combination of a poor work record and an extensive criminal record make anything but monotonous low paid work almost impossible to find,your social life consists of wretched NA meetings and not much else, you have next to no veins left, hepc, and perhaps other serious health issues, the list goes on.Suddenly the default setting in that flexible organ we call the brain flips again and you go fuck it I might as well be dead anyway and you head back to the needle.

I am forty five years old and having yet another crack at sobriety, just over three months clean and as I look back on my adult life I see nothing more than one giant wasted fuckin opportunity.

If you keep using and via a combination of good luck and good management stay alive long enough to reach rock bottom I can guarantee what you will regret more than anything is the wasted time, the lack of any sense of achievment or lasting memories of naturally euphoric moments.Instead you will look back on a life of no lasting value just day after day of getting stoned or getting sick nothing much worth reflecting on at all, just boring NA war stories. Remember life is not a dress rehersal you only get one shot at it, do you want to waste it drifting between faux euphoria and dopesickness.

I mean at the end of the day only you can decide what you want out of life but just remeber the earlier you decide to bail out of this lifestyle the easier it is to put things together again, in the meantine please take care and remember every time you push that plunger you are playing Russian roulette.

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Sage, helpful advise from BTB as per usual

Last edited by Black Transit Blues; 05-04-2012 at 18:44.
  #35  
Old 05-04-2012, 18:45
MangroveShark MangroveShark is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Tdogg, has your friend ever tried yoga? I know that probably sounds totally lame and impossible, that yoga could replace heroin, but my addict friend has replaced heroin with yoga, and it seems to be working really well for her. She's been clean for a year. Or if yoga is too slow or hippy-dippy for your friend, perhaps some other kind of exercise that really pushes her limits, like marathon running.

In my own experience, the only way to really successfully quit something is to replace it with something else. Your friend anticipates that nothing will ever make her as happy as heroin, but truthfully, being clean from something that harmed you in combination with something that actually improves your health AND releases endorphins can be rather empowering. The hard part is that the release your friend gets from exercise will not be as instantaneous as snorting heroin, so she just needs to try really hard to stick with it and stay strong. It will pay off.

I have read your whole thread and I am really pulling for your friend. My shark-friend is currently withdrawing from tramadol, and she will use you for inspiration.
  #36  
Old 05-04-2012, 19:26
Tdogg49 Tdogg49 is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

BTB - All the things you said and more are the reasons that my friend is quitting, but she just has that fear that because even though she knows that she needs to get clean, there is still that part of her that doesn't want to be clean forever. This is what scares her, she may stay clean for months or years before she goes back (if she does, she hopes she doesn't), but she feels that no matter what she is going to go back sooner or later. She doesn't know how to get that little devil off of her shoulder, and if she does what if it comes back.

I guess she is worry too much about the future right now. She knows what will happen if she picks it up again, and how much she will lose. That is why she is I guess "freaking out" so to say. She is scared that she will go back after she gets clean and will then lose everything and more.

Mangrove - She did do yoga briefly with one of her friends for a while. I think that she is leaning more towards running/walking/gym membership. She may pick up yoga, but it didn't seem to that much her then. I wish your shark-friend luck, she can do it. The only problem with replacing it with something is she is very busy. She is going to school fulltime, working 3 different jobs = over 50 hours a week, and she has to fit counseling, boyfriend, friends, and family time in there as well. She also has to sleep . Now she has to fit in NA meetings as well. So her schedule is packed full. When she has spare time, she just wants to sit around and do nothing.

Thank you both, your advice and time are appreciated. I will keep you updated on how my friend is doing.
  #37  
Old 06-04-2012, 04:21
GreyPaws GreyPaws is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Sometimes its helpful to look at the drug use in plain time terms. I find it helpful to think that way about cannabis, or any other drug I do regularly. Your friend worries about the possibility of wanting to use heroin again in the future because of how much she "likes" it. Whenever I am struggling with those same thoughts I remind myself of how long I was using consistently, and I attempt to allocate some arbitrary amount of time to not using. IE If I smoked pot every day for two years, I try and convince myself to give sobriety 25% of the time I gave to the drug (6 months, if my math is ok) I find it much easier to stay away from whatever drug I'm struggling with once I've put some daylight between the last use of that drug. Its way easier to stay sober after not smoking for 5 months, than it is to stay sober after not smoking for three weeks. hope I made some sense, I'm a bit tired today.

Hang in there, you can do it.
  #38  
Old 06-04-2012, 05:16
brettjv brettjv is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Tdogg, I'm here to tell ya ... I'm not sitting around thinking about staying clean and sober for the rest of my life.

Although I'm 'aware' that it would certainly 'be best' to do, I just don't think about it.

And if I do, then I know it's my addict mind trying to undermine me by overwhelming me with a Herculian task I'm ill-equipped to handle, so I tell it to STFU.

The way I do this thing is ... I'm staying clean and sober for TODAY. Just today. That's all I have to do. And that's all you have to do. That's not THAT hard, is it? Staying clean for ONE day ... the one currently at hand?

Worry about doing that, and don't worry about a week from now, a month from now, 5 years from now, okay?

You're staying clean today. Get that idea through your head, and don't let the addict voice that says "you can't possibly do this thing forever!" ... get inside your friggin head and try to lure you back in to it's clutches with it's trickery.

BTW, what BTB said ... I couldn't have said it better myself. Nice job, amigo.

Last edited by brettjv; 06-04-2012 at 05:42.
  #39  
Old 06-04-2012, 19:32
east_of_eden east_of_eden is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Tdogg, you sound a lot like my friend when she was your age. She started shooting heroin at 18 even though her friends weren't doing it. She sought it out and did it along with the other drugs she was using at the time and it was just her thing. She loved it and didn't want to stop either. She had a very hard time seeing it as a problem until she got 2-3 years in (? don't exactly remember) and it became obvious it was indeed a problem.

She knew she shouldn't be doing it and it was playing with fire. She initially just wanted to experiment a little and leave it be but she couldn't stop using when the problems hadn't yet shown themselves and things were still great and there were so many things she "hadn't" done, so many reasons that she "wasn't" an addict and it wasn't a problem yet, so why stop? That was her thinking.

When the "things you haven't done .... YET" was mentioned in this thread, this really hit home. It is so true. For addicts like us that have been down this path, it is so easy to see how everyone starts out different but after awhile, almost all users end up basically the same. But when you're still "fairly" new in your addiction, the future is all something that hasn't happened yet and, you'll deal with that when the time comes and, yeah maybe that'll happen but it's not at that point yet, etc., etc. .... It's hard to imagine things changing so drastically but it really can happen very quickly (or in some cases, slowly, but it always happens).

So what my friend thought would be a little "heroin break" from life. A short time of using then stopping before anything became a problem, has now been 18 years. Basically her entire adult life has revolved around this substance, and still does. If your friend continues, it will be incredibly expensive, she will eventually need more money than she currently can afford and if that doesn't make her stop, she will do all kinds of things to get the money she needs.

Very good advice was given when someone here said wisdom is learning from other's mistakes (something like that, sorry i should have gone back and looked it up exactly but am in a hurry ) but this is so true. We are all smart but our best thinking got us here. If you can change your lifestyle now and get control of your life back, it could truly mean the difference between having a decade long addiction and nothing to show for your life or becoming anything you want to be and having the choice to lead any life you want.

Do you want to ever get married, have kids, buy a house? Maybe not or maybe it seems so far away, it doesn't matter right now, but it might matter one day and how you handle this now will effect the entire direction your life goes. You're at a cross roads right now, it is unlikely a better opportunity will come up to mend the damage and start new. Not like it would be impossible to get clean in the future, but it gets SO much harder the longer you use. You don't want to forget what living a life off heroin is like. Once it gets to the point where that is all you know or remember, it will be terrifying to think of trying to quit because you wont know how to live any other way.

Go to NA meetings, they can be great. Really great. You'll hear a lot of stuff that makes sense and see a lot of people who've been through it all but made it out with incredible wisdom to share. Even if you do keep using, you'll hear things that will stick with you and will be of use to you at some point. There are guys that will hit on you. When people are new in recovery they want something else to focus on and tend to get "too" social but NA is there for people to take what they need from it. If you go and focus on just listening to the message or make a point to find some women to talk to, you'll be fine and wont fall into the dating aspect (or 13th stepping) that can occur amongst the people going to meetings.

Stay strong. Be one of those people who get out fairly unscathed. I'm always amazed when I see this, but it does happen. You could stop the whole nightmare from starting, right now, give it everything you've got. What do you have to lose? Heroin will still be there for you if you really decide you're not ready to stop, but if you give it a try, you might find life's actually okay without it.

Best wishes

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very good, caring advice for our young friend
  #40  
Old 08-04-2012, 04:51
Tdogg49 Tdogg49 is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Thank you EOE, those are some very kind and true words you have said. Well my friend is one day into it. Over 24 hours sober. Withdrawals aren't that bad yet. Just those damn feverish chills. This is going to be hard though. She is in a lot of pain, the same pain that drew her to heroin recently. She just took a nice hot shower and that was nice while it lasted. She wanted to stay in there for a very long time . She just wishes there was another way to relieve this pain. She's 19, and feels like she's in her forties or something.

She tried multiple things before to decrease the pain before the heroin, but nothing helped. Massages, exercise, chiropracter, doctors, medications, etc . . . She is losing her insurance soon and can't afford to keep doing all of these things that aren't working.

She feels that if these problems aren't solved, she is going to go back to heroin sooner or later. I know that she isn't supposed to think about the future, and she is supposed to take it one day at a time, but it's hard not to think about the future. She doesn't know how shes going to be able to leave this behind her. One of her dealers has already hit her up five times today.

Well thats it for the night. She is tired and is going to sleep soon. sorry for any errors, really tired
  #41  
Old 09-04-2012, 15:35
brettjv brettjv is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Hang in there tdogg. If I were you I'd tell your dealer(s) that they're assholes to keep calling you when you're trying to quit ... that's just fucked up. What the hell is wrong with them? I mean I know they're dope dealers and everything but don't they have enough 'willing' customers?

AFA where your heads at right now, worrying about your 'pain' and the future ... that's just 'how it feels' at first, when you're detoxing. Your disease is fighting it, throwing everything it's got at you. And since you have no 'feel good' chemicals of your own right now, all the negative stuff it's telling you is going to make a whole lotta sense, unfortunately. And you're GOING to be 'in pain', because detox makes every ache and pain 10x worse, again, due to your lack of natural pain-killing chemicals. It's just an imbalance though, it gets better as you stay off the stuff.

Trust me though if you can make it through the tough part here over the next couple weeks and get yourself free, you'll be amazed how much easier the task ahead will seem. Everything is just gonna seem terrible for a little bit here, and you're gonna feel overwhelmed, like there's 'no way' you can do this. But trust me, if this old man can find a way to tough out withdrawals at 45, after struggling with this crap for like 15 years, you can find one at 19 after 3. I *KNOW* you can.

I promise if you just get through this really acutely hard part, things will seem very different to you on the other side. I'm also going to advise you again to drag your sorry detoxing ass to some meetings. Right now is a critical time to get yourself immersed in some support from others in recovery. Going to some AA meetings as well as NA wouldn't be a bad idea either, even if your problem isn't alcohol, it's all the same problem, and the solutions are the same as well. I say this cause there's a often a lot more long-term sobriety in the average AA meeting, and you can gain a good deal of wisdom from the old-timers you usually find there.

Good luck, hang in there ... I promise it'll get better, and these "I can't do it" thoughts plaguing you now will subside. It's just the disease working it's angles, trust me. YOU CAN DO THIS.

Let me give you a short list of famous people who were raging alcoholics, or dope/pill/coke heads who got themselves clean, and have stayed that way for quite a long time:
Robert Downey Jr, Eminem, Drew Barrymore, Samuel L. Jackson, Robin Williams, Brett Favre, Jamie Lee Curtis, Glenn Beck, Christian Slater, Keith Richards, Elton John, Steven Tyler, Eric Clapton, Jimmy Page, Steve Earle ...

And then there's the list of people who didn't beat their addiction problem:
Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson, Layne Staley (Alice in Chains singer), John Belushi, Chris Farley, Heath Ledger, Brittney Murphy, Shannon Hoon (Blind Melon singer), Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, John Bonham, Keith Moon ...

You notice a trend here?

It CAN be done ... or then again, it can NOT be done.

The question is: which list would you rather be on?

Last edited by brettjv; 09-04-2012 at 18:49.
  #42  
Old 09-04-2012, 18:25
east_of_eden east_of_eden is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

I hope you're doing okay and toughing it out. Hang in there, even if there is a slip up (hopefully there wont be) but if it happens, don't let that become anything more than just that, a small speed bump on the road to detoxing.

I know how hard it is to remember why you wanted to get clean in the first place when you're in pain and miserable and your addiction is screaming at you to take the easy way out. This is a true test of your strength and determination.

Because you're posting that you need to get clean but can't help wanting to use, I know you're going to be fighting against yourself. Those two opposite voices in your head are enough to make a person go crazy, or give up and say "what's the point?" I know how this goes, but remember, you can stop this cycle now. If not, it might take a long time to get back to the point of being ready to give it another try and so many bad things can happen between now and then.

One thing my friend found really helpful was to basically be on lockdown until the withdrawals were over. I don't know if this is a possibility, but if you could have someone take your phone, car keys, money (whatever) and force you to stay in the house until the worst is over, it will take the pressure off you of having that angel fighting the devil on your other shoulder.

When my friend did this, she was able to successfully get clean then made sure she stuck herself like glue to the people who helped her get through it and spent a lot of time in NA meetings. If you go to one and just tell some people where you're at and that you can't be alone right now, I think you'd be surprised how willing people are to spend time with you (constantly) until it starts getting easier.

I really wish you all the best. If my friend could have stuck to it years ago, her entire life would be different. It's so frustrating for her to think of everything she's screwed up and it didn't have to be that way. When she was clean, she really was happy and doing well but just didn't respect the power of addiction like she should have and didn't keep up her defenses.

She's always been one of those "one more time wont hurt" types. It is so stupid. She's wasted so much time, money, life on this and hopes you can start fresh and avoid the years of poverty, begging for change, losing apartments because she could never pay the rent, utilities not paid, etc., etc. .... just constant stress and spending every dollar on this drug, not to mention all the things that had to be done to get money together for that day.

It really is bizarre and crazy thinking about the utter desperation that takes hold and drives a person to do (almost) anything for money. Things they would never normally do. At best you'll just ruin your own credit and finances, constantly taking out "payday" loans or "cash advances" on credit cards, at worst, well you know the story. That and the revolving door of methadone clinic detoxes until finally they tell you you've had too many "unsuccessful detoxes" and you need to go on maintenance.

Well, that's my friend's experience anyways, it's been about 8 years now on methadone maintenance, plus her heroin habit and can't forget the benzo addiction that popped up along the way.

I don't mean to sound preachy, I just hate to think you could end up this way. If you think it feels impossible to stop now, think how much worse it could be with the tri-fecta above

Sorry for the long post, I just hope you're getting through the worst of it right now, and if not, at least this thread will give you some things to think about. There is a lot of solid advice in here that could help a lot of people.

Oh, one last thing, when my friend got clean through NA, she was kind of like you, she wanted to get clean but at the same time wasn't so sure she was ready to give it up. But once she did it and surrounded herself with the right people and started to do "normal" things again, she was actually content with her life. So, you don't have to be 100% sure this is what you want, you just need to give it a try. Give it a few months, let your mind and body get back to a natural state and then re-avaluate (sp?) the situation. Heroin will always be there if you really want to go back, but think of all the other things that are out there in life too. Things you wont experience if you don't give it a try first before making the decision to throw it all away for a powder or tar.

You can do this.
  #43  
Old 09-04-2012, 19:31
Tdogg49 Tdogg49 is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Thank you guys, shes doing better. She is still in pain, but at least she is able to sit still. No more twitching. That was by far the worst the restleness. She couldn't stay in one position for more than a minute, and falling asleep damn only happened when she wasn't trying to.

She is basically on lock down right now. Her parents dropped her off at her boyfriends. So she has no car, and is miles away from her dealers. It is just so agonizing having the guy text her over and over. She'll have her mind off of it, but then that number shows up on her phone, and thats all she can think about. She's going to look into blocking the number in a little bit.

She is going to her first NA meeting tonite. Her parents are coming and taking her out for dinner. One of her friends is a massage therapist, and is coming over to give her a massage, so hopefully that will help with the aches and pains for a little while.

The worst of the physical shit is over, but that mental craving is just eating away. She can do this. Three days clean. She can do this. One day at a time. Just have to keep telling herself no no no no no no no no. She misses it, but knows that shes better off without.

Again thank you for all of the support, honestly she wouldn't be any further than she was the day that she started this thread without your support. She doesn't want to hit rock bottom to haveto stop. Part of her thinks that thats what it is going to take for her to stop for good, but she can stay clean for today, and tomorow, and the next, and hopefully the next and so on so forth.
  #44  
Old 09-04-2012, 21:24
east_of_eden east_of_eden is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

I'm really proud of you! You're doing great. I think the best thing you could have done was get your parents involved. It's too easy to keep using when we're hiding it from everyone. It's much easier for us to isolate when we're in our own private world and there is no one to answer to.

As for the dealer, have you thought about having your boyfriend call and tell him that you are not using and to please not call or text you? Honestly, my friend has done this in the past and it usually works well. For dealers, it's part of the job. People are constantly coming and going, whether it's people getting clean, going to rehab, going to jail or OD'ing (I know that sounds terribly morbid) things are always changing in their line of work and they should understand that. Unless he is a complete asshole, the dealer should immediately stop texting you and give you your space. He just needs to be told.

You're right in that the mental craving is going to be the worst part. This is where staying busy is really important, even if you feel like crap and don't really want to do anything, just keep people by your side ... keep your mind occupied. Watch a funny movie with someone, maybe you'll actually laugh a little and when it's done, a couple more hours will have passed without using.

This is how the next few weeks will go, just small chunks of time here and there, focus on the moment, don't worry about whether or not you can stop using forever. The idea is to stop using for right now. You're still so young, just stop using for awhile, give yourself some time to find out more about yourself and what you'd like to do with your life.

If you can get through the next couple months without using, the cravings will ease up and give you a break. You'll actually be able to focus on doing things you enjoy and thinking about where you see yourself going in life.

Here's a little trick, maybe it will work for you, whatever gets you moving in the right direction. If you still feel you can't give up heroin forever, then instead start thinking about your future. What cool job you're going to have, where you're going to live, etc. Plan how you can be one of these successful people that do some drugs here or there. You can kind of daydream about this because chances are once you get to the point of achieving something you are proud of with your life, you'll be past the point of wanting to self destruct with drugs.

The idea is to get through this next little bit of time, when every decision is crucial. You are at such an important crossroads and you're doing so well. Stick close to friends and parents and tell that dealer to stop contacting you.

  #45  
Old 10-04-2012, 11:51
Black Transit Blues Black Transit Blues is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Now is a good time to be looking into new interests/hobbies, stuff you either have never tried before or used to be into and then lost interest in when the dope started to bite.

One of the problems I always have when trying to stay clean is that for the first couple of months stuff that I used to like doing when I was using either simply no longer interests me or acts kind of like a trigger and makes me crave because there is such a strong link in my brain between certain activities and dope.

That is where finding some different things to do that your mind doesn't associate with Heroin can be benificial.Over the last few weeks I have been binging on detective novels by a writer called Peter Temple, prior to this year I had probably read about a dozen novels in my entire life and none from this genre.

Much to my suprise I can not only concentrate on them but they keep my mind occupied and also reading before bed helps me sleep.At nineteen you have probably got lots of other things you would like to try in your spare time ahead of staying home reading books, but the point I am making is start trying new things, things your brain doesn't associate with dope.

Secondly use all that money you used to spend on dope to buy stuff, reward yourself and shop til' you drop, don't worry about saving - in early recovery it is better not to have to much spare money hanging around anyway.
  #46  
Old 13-04-2012, 18:02
brettjv brettjv is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

THis is all really, really great stuff. Congrats on your clean-time T-Dogg, and thanks to EoE and BTB for their awesome advice. I can't rep you guys anymore though

If I were you T I'd text that dealer back something like "This is (bf's name) and if you don't stop texting my girlfriend, who's trying to get clean, I'm going to call the cops and give them your name and number. Knock it the fuck off, dude, I'm warning you!"

Eventually one has to learn how to 'deal with temptation', but early recovery, the first weeks or even months? That is NOT the time. It's just not smart to subject oneself to something like this if one doesn't have to. You have to develop the tools, and get your friggin brain chemistry back in proper working order first.
  #47  
Old 18-04-2012, 19:42
crazyhorse90 crazyhorse90 is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Hey Tdogg do you have an update for us??

I've been following this thread for a while now but just registered for the forums today. I too have a friend of friend who has gone through very similar trials, an oxy addiction that got out of control and gradually turned towards H when he couldn't find any pills to keep him going. also had a user girlfriend who was only dragging him deeper and deeper into the hole. He wanted to quit--and tried several times but could never get over the hump and stay clean.

Well that friend has made several serious changes to his lifestyle and is now 28 days clean today. He has found the mental aspects to be the toughest part after toughing out the brutal physical withdrawals for the first 7 days or so. But every day still gets better and better!! Just wanted to let you know your friend is doing a GREAT job so far and seems to be making all of the right decisions. Keep it up!!! There is light at the end of the tunnel. Stay strong!

- ch
  #48  
Old 18-04-2012, 19:51
pillpopper96743 pillpopper96743 is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Just checking in to see how the OP is doing. My friend is 25 or something days clean. The basic WD's were a pain in the ass for almost two weeks straight, but its the PAWS that are the hard part with the brain chemistry and such. He now has temporary anxiety issues and constant boredom with a slightly sick/lathargic feeling.....ugh.. Your friend will need to find things to occupy herself with and stay positive throughout the few month process of getting over PAWS. IT really sucks, but its well worth it. Each day gets better though, and you start to turn back to the old you again.
Tell us how your friend is doing.
  #49  
Old 18-04-2012, 21:00
east_of_eden east_of_eden is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Congrats crazy horse and pillpopper on getting through almost a month! The first few weeks (after the acute withdrawals) are extremely difficult.

The best advice I can offer is to just surround yourself with people who are positive influences and who can help catch you if you start to fall. I find submerging yourself in NA to be really beneficial. I know some people don't like NA for various reasons but it's always been a lifesaver for me.

When you're newly clean and you're all over the place and cravings can hit out of nowhere with such strength and intensity, it is crucial to be around people that have been through it and have found the strength to continue to stay clean. Plus, most people in NA (or AA) really want to help and will just spend time with you before meetings having coffee or whatever, just to kill time and talk some sense if you start wavering in your convictions to stay clean. I've been talked off the ledge several times.

It is so hard to get through those first couple months of being newly clean. Everyone is different and timelines are different, but I've found the first couple to be the worst. I've always felt dead inside, people ask me what I'm thinking or feeling and I realize there is nothing going on in my head at all, I'm so numb, emotions haven't come back and until I get to the place where I can smile or laugh again or want to talk to people or find a hobby or something interesting, I can usually only think of one thing and that is using.

Everything else seems so bleak, it's amazing anyone ever gets through that phase. But please remember, it does pass. It really does.

It's funny cuz usually I don't feel anything, I walk around like a zombie unless I see something that is designed to make you sad (a sad commercial or advertisement or news story or even really ridiculous things like a plastic bag getting run over on the freeway!) then I'm balling like a baby for 20 minutes straight. Oh, what a strange life we have. It does balance back out though and it will happen so slowly you probably wont notice it right away until a few days have gone by and you realize you've actually had some fun during that time and went most of the day without thinking of using.

Good luck on your journeys.
  #50  
Old 19-04-2012, 06:26
quazzbert quazzbert is offline
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Re: I want to be high sooo bad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tdogg49 View Post
She is basically on lock down right now. Her parents dropped her off at her boyfriends. So she has no car, and is miles away from her dealers. It is just so agonizing having the guy text her over and over. She'll have her mind off of it, but then that number shows up on her phone, and thats all she can think about. She's going to look into blocking the number in a little bit.

She is going to her first NA meeting tonite. Her parents are coming and taking her out for dinner. One of her friends is a massage therapist, and is coming over to give her a massage, so hopefully that will help with the aches and pains for a little while.
SWIY is lucky to have supporting parents, the psychological cravings will get better over time, especially once you start to forget about it. SWIM learned that if ever craves anything to try and keep himself away from anything that reminds him of it. This may be obvious to most, but SWIM just wanted to put in his two cents haha.

Post Quality Evaluations:
Wonderful advice about staying away from anything that even resembles a reminder of using. Great also to remind the OP that cravings wont last forever- they become few and far between and will become weaker.

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