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Opiate addiction Support for coping with Opiate addiction and Opiate addiction treatment.

 
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  #1  
Old 26-02-2012, 20:41
hillbilly345 hillbilly345 is offline
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Whats it like to be addicted?

So what is it like to be addicted to opiates? And I dont mean for legitimate pain, I mean to the euphoria or rush if you IV? I assume it takes precedence over and above all things, it comes first.

But can you , do you enjoy life like you did before at some point in time? Are enjoyable things like hiking, fishing, cooking, reading, playing, bike riding, dog walking, playing with your kids, making love, cuddling, caring, listening and empathizing , reading, cleaning your car, just everday activities , are those enjoyable anymore?

Or is it all just about getting that high? Im not asking those that take opiates for legitimate pain, I assume you have tried all avenues and opiates are your last resort and you do them responsibly so my question is not for you, it is for those that use opiates for the high.

Please , I mean no offense to anyone at all. I am just trying to understand what it is like to be an opiate addict.

Opiates addicts arent "selfish or self centered", they have a disease, as science says but alot of addicts dont like that label, they refute that it is a disease, so than they are saying it is a choice.

Again , no disrespect! I just want to hear some other opinions or takes on their addiction. Please no flaming , just help me understand.

I try to understand but its so complex. I for one know what it feels like to have back pain. I have been very active my whole life and work a very physical job in construction. I have had days that put me down where I needed Ibuprofen or Acetamiophen. Ive used heat, ice, stretching, exercise, chiro, all to address my issues. I believe that the endorphins released from natural things are enough to heal my body and keep me in check physically and mentally, like a runners high.

I know someday I might actually need opiates for legitimate pain that cannot be remedied any other way but , Thank God , as of now I dont.


I know I will problably piss off alot of people by this but that is not my intention. I am just trying to understand opiate addiction from a psychological view of insiders and outsiders.

Again sorry if you take offense, it you do that is your bag and you need not answer. Thanks

Last edited by hillbilly345; 27-02-2012 at 02:37.
  #2  
Old 26-02-2012, 21:05
Morrigan_la_Fey Morrigan_la_Fey is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

I'm not sure what you mean by addiction. Are you talking about the psychological pull or the physical dependence? I know that for myself, the combination of physical dependence and psychological obsessing over when I would use again took precedence over pretty much everything, but when I was using I surrounded myself with people who were in that lifestyle, so all of our "activities" involved shooting dope. The sex sucked - dope dick on the boyfriend was the worst thing ever. And honestly, we really didn't feel like doing shit like hiking or whatever, if it was physical. Maybe we would surf, but rarely, and the perceived danger of drowning kept me on dry land. Mostly we went to concerts or clubs, and used. It's a shitty lifestyle, IMO, and I'm glad I'm in recovery.

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important point here, as addiction has many aspects!
for pointing out the op's original question may not have been clear enough
  #3  
Old 26-02-2012, 23:40
aikidoka aikidoka is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

hillbilly if you've never been addicted to heroin or any other opiate you will never understand it. You can try, of course, but it would be the same as trying to imagine being Chinese, or gay, or anything you currently aren't.

People will literally crawl through shit for their drug of choice; the compulsion is stronger than anything else I have experienced. It transcends love, hate, sex, food, money; nothing else matters but having that drug. Otherwise God-fearing and loving people will commit crimes they couldn't conceive themselves doing. They'll sell their grandmothers for dope (or money for dope). If they could, they'd sell their soul to the devil (some would claim they already have) in order to avoid sinking into the abyss of those dreaded withdrawals.

I don't take offence, I just believe there is no way you will know or understand it unless you have been through it. The deepest and darkest despair of not having any drugs and not having any money or even any possessions left to sell to score is something that nobody can comprehend unless they have been there. The fear of stopping and the resulting withdrawals is unfathomable to those who have never felt that way. It is hell in a hand basket and like men in combat, unless you've been there, there is no describing it.

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love the first lines of this reply, and this post is full of 'food for thought' for the OP. Good work!
this is very true for a lot of mental disorders as well "if you have never experienced them you really can't understand them first hand"
  #4  
Old 27-02-2012, 01:10
Mikey82 Mikey82 is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

No offense taken at all, I think more people should know the hell an opiate addict is going through while in withdrawal and while high. I will do my best to describe my addiction to opiates and will be completely honest about it's nine year hold on me.

I have never used opiates, like so many others, for an injury or any other kind of honest treatment. I used it to get high. When I used, I was filled with euphoric energy, and being in the hospitality industry it opened me up socially. The more I talked the better the tip. I've always had a great connection so vicodin became an everyday thing for me. Instead of coffee I'd pop a few vicodin in the morning, a few before work. this went on for years though the few turned to 15 or 20 in the morning, same at night. I was now dependent on opiates. I truly believed that if I didn't have my fix I would not be able to make it through a day.

Withdrawal became my main motivator to always have my dose. My personal
withdrawal is somewhat indescribable but I'll do my best. 24 hours without opiates I lost interest in absolutely everything and everyone. Cold sweats were a constant and the pain throughout my entire body and soul was beyond that of just physical pain. While awake I felt almost as though I was in a dream state, everything was blurred and shaky. All I wanted to do was lay down, it offered no relief. Every nerve ending in my body was firing at will, and my legs were just waves upon waves of horrible cramping. Every ounce of energy
was gone from my body. My mind raced in a way best described as a flurry of random images and thoughts, making absolutely no sense, and most quite terrifying.

In all those years I went through many withdrawals, yet by the second day maybe the third I would find the one thing that could stop the nightmare, opiates. I started with vicodin, by the time I had realized I couldn't stop without the help of a professional I was taking ten 30mllg of oxycontin at a time while I had the strongest fentynal patch in my mouth like chewing tobacco. I couldn't get high enough. I was out of control and was going to die. The hardest thing I've done in my life was pick up a phone and ask for help.

To this moment I still struggle with temptation and I do slip. I have been to many NA rooms that have helped me cope and understand the severity of addiction but I am a long way away from truly realizing I don't need a substance to get through a day. Please feel free to message me or add me as a friend if you have any questions about addiction. I will openly and honestly answer each one you have. Asking questions can actually help me along the way, so please feel free to contact me!

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very helpful post :)
perfect description of what motivates an opiate addict.
open and personal post. experience report as asked for.
a very raw, open glimpse of the soul and mind, Thanks for the honesty. Peace mate
Very honest and touching
honest, thoughtful, and clearly veered towards a positive end, good post
articulate and informative
  #5  
Old 27-02-2012, 03:24
RobertT RobertT is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Not much I can add that hasn't already been said, it's more typing it out for my own purpose. My deal as a heroin addict was like it made everything ok. When I got my dope, nothing bothered me at all. I just felt gooood all over like an all over body orgasm until I got hooked. At first I just needed the tinyest little bit to get high for like 6-8 hours. I though this drug was sent from God for me and I was hooked right away. As the tolerance went up and the high got less, after a year or so it was all about just keeping from getting sick. Then it was like living in hell. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day was all about how to get the mmoney or the dope or the needle or the money or more dope. Even if I had money and dope I wanted to find better dope and a bigger bag and a faster connect and it consumes your life like everybody else said. It is 100% all you do with your life. I don't want to even think I would but a person might step on their own mom's face to get a bag if you are in withdraw. That;s the hell part because you don't know what you would do. Like I never gave head before and never would thank god but let me be sick as a dog and I tell you what I might be like "Hurry up dude and don't be grabbing my head and shit" I mean it's just that powerful. I think most addicts get suicidal because you don't see how you can stop and you can't see how you can go on that way.I'vr had the gun to my head a couple times but a phone would ring or something would happen that would snap me out of it and I would either score or get in the hospital and try to quit again. Now I'm on methadone and that's an addiction too but it's legal government addiction. I just get my fix and keep on going. I don't get high but I get to feel better like I trick my body into thinking it's getting high so I don't crave it so much. I still slip up and do it every now and then but I know that if I mess up my done I'll probably go to prison because I'll need money bad. I know I'll do something stupid for a fact. That's my deal. SOunds fun huh?

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So true.
  #6  
Old 27-02-2012, 06:06
hillbilly345 hillbilly345 is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Is it fun? I mean all the info and stories are out there but it doesnt change a thing, people still keep falling in to the trap.

Thank you to those that have posted. Please dont stop lets hear more. Its Harm Reduction. Let those people who are following in your footsteps hear your stories or explanations , keep em coming!

Last edited by hillbilly345; 27-02-2012 at 06:40.
  #7  
Old 27-02-2012, 06:34
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

I like Vicodin, and when I could get it I would take more than prescribed. However, I never got that much (maybe 10 days worth gone in 3) then I would stop and never really think of it again until the opportunity arose.

If I ever had happend across a large amount or steady cheap connection I am sure I would have taken advantage of it and used for an extended period.

It was not until I read on DF the physical dependancy that happens that I ever considered the possiblility. I would now never take vicodin for any kind of an extended period for the fear of this possible dependancy

So I guess thanks for the information
  #8  
Old 28-02-2012, 17:44
brettjv brettjv is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Here's the deal ... our brains retain certain 'primitive' features that are common to pretty much all remotely sentient beings ... anything from a newt or lizard on up. The structures, pathways, and chemistry involved are often referred to as the 'reptile brain'.

With opioid addiction, there's two primary systems involved here ... the 'reward' system, and the 'protection' (the 'fight or flight') system. The former is stimulated primarily by endorphins (the 'feel good' chemicals), and the latter by 'adrenalin' (to use the common parlance).

Now, these two chemicals are produced naturally by the brain in response to stimuli that animal receives in it's natural life, and they are diametrically opposed to one another in their operation. They 'balance' one another in a normally functioning brain.

Endorphins are CNS-depressants (not the same thing as 'making your depressed') with powerful 'calming' and 'pain relieving' properties, released when the animal does something 'good' ... makes a fresh kill, mates, finds a fresh pool of water when it's thirsty ... things that are productive to it's continued existence. The sense of 'good feeling' that results then compels that animal to continue to seek to do these productive things. It's a very, very basic process.

Adrenalin, otoh, is released in response to stressors ... a friggin lion is after me, that kinda thing. This naturally occurring drug is a powerful CNS stimulant, and has all the attendant affects ... some primary ones are a sense of panic, increased heart rate to feed the muscles so immediate and strenuous action may be taken (like running the fuck away), and reduction of tiredness/fatigue/desire to sleep, eat, crap, etc. Again, this is a very basic brain/chemical process that still exists in people due to their evolution from wild animals that lived a very stress-filled existence, but had little in the way of real 'cognitive' abilities.

Now ... opioids/opiates are the closest thing out there to our own natural endorphins. When we dump these chemicals into ourselves, we 'trick' the brain and body into thinking it's 'done something good'. Although other drugs out there work on these same systems in various ways, nothing out there does it quite so well, and naturally, as opioids.

Because we are, as humans, basically hard-wired on a very instinctual level to desire the effects of these natural chemicals, we have the same proclivity towards 'liking' opioids. Our brains can't entirely tell the difference between the good feelings produced by opioids vs. natural endorphins.

So ... that's all well and good in a short-term, occasional use scenario. However, when we flood our brains with these foreign endorphins, continuously, through abuse, a couple serious problems arise. Our brains equilibrium is upset, and it ceases to produce appreciable quantities of the natural endorphins. At the same our adrenalin system begins to go into overdrive. This is because opioids are a CNS-depressant drug ... they make us tired. So the brain begins to over-produce adrenalin to keep us 'awake' despite these huge doses of depressants. This 'equal/opposite' reaction by the brain is part of why 'tolerance' develops.

Now as long as the dope keeps coming in, everything is 'okay'. Dope offsets adrenaline, and the lack of natural endorphins just fine. But when the dope runs out ... you're left with NO natural feel-good chemicals, and a huge glut of adrenalin with no offsetting depressant. This results in an incredible sensation of 'bad feeling' ... you become consumed with pain and panic. Literally, you have fucked with the most basic operations of your brain, and on a VERY instinctual level, you start to act based on the premise (even if it doesn't consciously occur to you) that you are going to DIE if you don't replenish your endorphins.

And trust me, if you DON'T ... you are going to wish you COULD die for at least a week after that, because that's about how long it takes for these systems to start to 'bounce back' from their states of being totally out of equilibrium. The lack of endorphins causes one set of w/d effects, the plethora of adrenalin produces another, resulting in the full 'syndrome' ... you go into a state of total panic ... you can't eat, sleep, stop shaking your legs, you're in massive pain all over, you get cramping and diarrhea ... on top of that, you're massively depressed, you sneeze, your eyes water, and perhaps worst of all ... you're massively craving the drug, like your very life depends on it, and I mean on a very animalistic level ... your reptile brain starts to scream at you repeatedly ... you are fucking dying, DO SOMETHING! And the only 'thing to do' ... becomes painfully obvious.

Why do people do this to themselves? It should be self-evident, really. We're wired to like these drugs. And because we are proud creatures, who fancy we are 'in control' ... we under-estimate them. We think 'THOSE people, the WEAK ... they may addicted ... but *I* am better, *I* will not fall pray to this substance!'.

And that may be true ... for awhile. This disease creeps up on you slowly, lulls you into false security ... people just don't realize just how much more powerful our ancient 'instincts' are ... vs. the power of our 'personalities' ... which are a much 'newer' development in our evolutionary chain

So to answer your question 'is it fun?' ... of course it is ... for awhile. But that fun comes at the cost of messing with brain functions that are very primitive and more powerful than what you think of as 'you'.

The sense of getting 'something for nothing' ... well, a few bucks to the dealer man or whatever is nothing compared to taking down an Elk or beating up the whole Pride so that you get to mate with all the bitches ... that has a great deal of instinctual allure.

So basically opioid usage slowly 'infects' your brain and thought process, every time you use that shit to get high ... it's slowly 'changing you', by changing how your mind works, by re-wiring it's reward center. After awhile, nothing can take the place of dope. Not sex, not a good meal, nothing.

That state ... is one that you DO NOT want to find yourself in.

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You are a freakin' rock star in describing this!
i have to agree, thats awesome and well written!
excellent reply with plenty of aspects of addiction to think about. well written too!
neat piece of writing. more of that kind!
I couldn't have explained it better
a very well written piece, very concise and direct. Brilliant vocabulary and quite honestly....TRUE! Well done brettjv and Thankyou
has to be the best thing I've ever read in my life on addictions, never seemed so clear
Very descriptive of how opiate addiction warps your brain & body. Pretty easy for people who've never experienced it to sort of understand!
Becoming one of my favorite poster's with routine, excellent, and apathetic information
a very basic explanation very easy for anybody to understand
easy to understand explanation on the use and dangers of opiates and opiate addiction, very well said
love the toxicology lecture

Last edited by brettjv; 29-02-2012 at 15:34.
  #9  
Old 28-02-2012, 22:02
east_of_eden east_of_eden is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

just to add some balance to the thread and to try to answer the original question, yes everyday things like cuddling with the person you love and watching a movie, taking your dogs for a hike, spending time with family and friends, gardening, washing the car while listening to the stereo, going on vacation .... all these things are still enjoyable.

a lot of people might disagree, since all the other replies make it seem like nothing exists in life except trying not to be dopesick, but my friend doesn't find that to be true. yes, of course, making sure she has a good supply of heroin is always the most important thing because in order to do anything else in life, she can't be sick.

but when she has everything she needs, she lives a life pretty similar to most other people (except with one very major difference!) and enjoys all the things she listed above.

but, again, she is what most would call a "functioning addict" so this makes things a lot less hectic. for many years she lived the existence of barely being able to scrape enough money together to keep from getting sick, then doing it all over again. this is the most common thing people think of when thinking "opiate addiction" but it's not always the case.

gotta go ... i'm at work but wanted to add my friend's experience.

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thank you for sharing personal experiences that add another dimension to the OP's question/answers
  #10  
Old 29-02-2012, 06:23
Kelewan Kelewan is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Sometimes I feel really, really guilty whining about a bad codeine addiction, when so many others have injected heroin. But then I think...screw it, addiction is addiction. Makes you do the same fucked up things.

Anyway, after 11 years, addiction is not to get high. Not even close. Addiction is to keep an even equilibrium. To feel "normal". In my case (I can only give my own perspective here), it started so innocently. I took some tablets for a headache, and discovered that; A) they were cheap, B) freely available at any pharmacy, and C) made me feel so much nicer. But that was only for a few months. After that, the doses go up and up and up...until you are literally taking 40 tablets a day, just to stop yourself turning into the monster from the black lagoon. I would wake up, and if I didn't have any tablets, I would be crazy. I mean, and extremely unpleasant person to be around. I would be angry and aggressive until I managed to find an open pharmacy at 9:00am, buy a bottle of 20 just to get me through to the afternoon, and try to find another pharmacy to get another 100, which lasted about 2.5 days. See? I can even recite in my sleep how I organised my entire life around them. I would then get a can of coke and take my 11 or so tabs, and then I would be okay for at least 5 hours. Pretty pathetic life, neh?

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great point about addiction being about equilibrium, thank you for sharing personal experiences too
  #11  
Old 29-02-2012, 06:34
slay13 slay13 is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

I miss my opiates all the time but then again I tend to romanticize. To answer your question about being able to enjoy life: I am starting to get back to that after about two weeks clean off of everything. I have been longboarding, playing tennis, basketball, and running, really anything outside has been so much fun. Perhaps because I have spent the last year or so inside sauced out on the couch. I was a slave to oxy and heroin and yes, I was selfish, as is every other addict I know. I dont know if we are to blame entirely because we were so ignorant in the beginning. I am sure if any of us knew what we were getting into in the beginning we would have never touched the shit. It is great to finally feel again, to finally be able to care about something other than finding junk and getting high.
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Old 29-02-2012, 15:45
brettjv brettjv is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Hey Kel ... what you say is very true ... addiction is addiction, and perhaps more importantly, opiates are opiates. They all work the same way. Going down the mental road of thinking that a codeine addiction is in any way less 'serious' than being addicted to H is just going to get you into trouble. This 'disease', if you will, tries to use EVERY angle to trip you up and suck you back in.

One of it's most basic approaches will be trying to convince you that 'OUR problem is not that bad, look how much worse other people have screwed up, pushing gear into their veins and such. You're not like them, and you never will be!'.

You seem to grasp that on a conscious level, so that's a great start, but I'm urging you to be wary of this thought process, even just putting it down in writing like this. You shouldn't feel 'bad' about the fact of 'only' having used codeine and still being in a state of suffering or feel like you shouldn't share with us cause you're somehow less qualified to 'complain' about your struggle. Dope is Dope. It works the same way, the withdrawals are the same, the disease is the same.

I've never stuck myself or used heroin either ... but I've done enough prescription dope to kill a small city's worth of 'normal' people. Just cause I've not done smack (and never been in jail and never outright robbed someone) doesn't make me any less of an addict. The way you want to be thinking is 'there, but for the Grace of (fill in the blank), go I ...'

You just ain't done that stuff ... YET. But if you keep going down the road of abusing opioids ... you'll probably get there. One thing I know for sure is you can't be POSITIVE ... you won't. You see what I'm saying?

Last edited by brettjv; 29-02-2012 at 15:56.
  #13  
Old 29-02-2012, 18:51
god grant me the serenity god grant me the serenity is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

No. They are not fun. I have never injected or done anything stronger than percocet but it is all the same thing. Opiates are opiates. Sure, the first time I felt the high of percocet it was "lovely" but you will forever chase that one high and consumption gets higher and higher. You finally realize you can only afford enough to "normalize" and then you start thinking of dangerous ways about how you can get more money to do more drugs. I always liked my opiates, for years, but never had access to become physically dependent on them. Eventually, after 3 years of sobriety due to pregnancy and breast-feeding, I found dealers of pills. I felt pretty cool for awhile, having my own "dealer." I am only 10 days out but the last months of my life with my opiate hook-ups have been some of the worst. My daughter rode with me to buy pills. Can you go any lower? My mind went to places so dark. I wouldn't recommend an interest in wondering what it is like to be an opiate addict or dabble with the stuff. There are more interesting things out there for your mind to ponder. Being an addict sucks and anyone can be one. It only takes time for dependence to build. There is nothing very exciting about being an opiate fiend. Your whole existence becomes about getting drugs.

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thanks for sharing your experience, its very helpful for others to read about situations like this

Last edited by god grant me the serenity; 01-03-2012 at 00:43. Reason: added info, spelling errors
  #14  
Old 29-02-2012, 19:13
prado t prado t is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Being addicted to anything is not fun. I dont wish it upon anyone! The above people have pretty well said it !
  #15  
Old 29-02-2012, 21:12
Pilgrim66 Pilgrim66 is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

What's it like being addicted? Funny thing. I read about a 10 year opiate addict who said he supposed that he thought about that question everyday in some subliminal way, but never really consciously...strange.

For him, addiction to opiates was a love/hate relationship...a heaven and hell all rolled up into one wonderfully, painful existance. Wonderful for the couple hours after a good dose, but painful when he finally began to realize what it did to who he was...what it was doing to those he loved. It put distance, a lot of distance, emotionally between him and everything and everyone else. He lived in his own tiny world though surrounded by life and people...people who loved and needed him, but couldn't reach him.

He is still struggling, but now he is taking steps and is very aware of his disease.

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good job relaying personal experience
  #16  
Old 29-02-2012, 22:22
rovacab1 rovacab1 is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Its ground hog day, over and over again. Ally cat works, has a good job, but it all goes on heroin. So he then has to sell his body to men for moeny for drugs. The high isn't worth it, in the end. But ally cat will still keep doing it. Fighting off withdrawals and the endless feeling of hopelessness and desperation are what get ally cat down. Life gets to the point of just not being worth it, and this is where ally cat is at the moment. Occassionally, enjoyment come from other things, such as an excellent book he bought the other day called junk medicine, but heroin is always at the back of his feline mind. Is it a disease? Or the result of mistakes made long ago? Who knows. Each and every user has thier own reasons for using, and not all hit rock bottom, some manage to just use ocassionally. Unfortunately, ally cat cannot do this. Its a living hell until a reason is found to quit.

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"Its ground hog day, over and over again" - love this explanation, it hits the nail on the head!
thanks for having the guts to share your personal story. lots of.
  #17  
Old 01-03-2012, 07:25
mikezombie777 mikezombie777 is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rovacab1 View Post
Its ground hog day, over and over again.
So true. SWIM has been addicted to various opiates for about 6 months now and its the time thing every day. Wake up, pop lots of pills, wait an hour to be stable, then sit around high while watching the same TV shows and doing all the same things. SWIM can barely get out of bed in the mornings to take his pills. Every morning he wakes up with withdrawals where he feels sick, cripplingly tired and deeply depressed. He cannot cope with withdrawals cold turkey. He wants to get into a detox program when he moves back to the city.

He once went 24hrs without taking his drug of choice and it was pure, undignified hell. He just wanted to die due to the deep dark depression, constant crippling anxiety and overall just simply feeling like he's dying.

Drugs are his life and he would do almost anything to obtain them, but thankfully never has needed to do anything illicit. The addiction began after an injury which he was taking Oxycodone for and found he felt too great to come off it. But now he only gets a slight buzz from various drugs and does it simply to remain stable.

Being addicted to opiates flat out sucks. It's fun in the beginning before you become an addict and have no tolerance. Oxycodone made life wonderful, but within a few months that all goes down the crapper and it becomes about just preventing withdrawals. It controls you. Drugs take priority over almost everything else once addiction sets it. It becomes morally questionable for those around you and you begin to lose respect for yourself, seeing things completely differently. You hope one day there's light at the end of the tunnel, because it's either get clean or end up dead or in the big house.

Don't get addicted to opiates. Don't say to yourself "oh I would never let it happen". I said the same thing. I thought I would be the last person to become an addict but it happened.

Take care.

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thanks for sharing personal experience, adds good insight to the thread
  #18  
Old 01-03-2012, 07:51
Kelewan Kelewan is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Mike, hon, when you are ready to quit, we will still be here. Ready to listen, support and feel your pain. It's my turn to pay it forward. Be strong.
  #19  
Old 01-03-2012, 16:01
Pilgrim66 Pilgrim66 is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rovacab1 View Post
Is it a disease? Or the result of mistakes made long ago?
Good question, and much debated too.

Some, however, don't see the two as mutually exclusive...that is, an either or (disease or bad choices). Just as lung cancer, type II diabetes and COPD are disease brought on by mistakes made long ago some view addiction the same way...disease brought on/initiated/caused by bad choices.

In the end, I suppose, it doesn't really matter how it got there, but what will one do moving forward.
  #20  
Old 01-03-2012, 16:28
dyingtomorrow dyingtomorrow is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

For me, heroin addiction was just a medical solution to the physical and psychological pain that made my life an unbearable hell starting in early adolescence. I tried every combination of horrible psychiatric drugs and everything else natural that was out there. At the time I first tried heroin, I was eager to die.

Heroin changed everything in my life for the better. Without the haze of constant pain and despair, I was able to see the joy in life, and experience enduring happiness for the first time. It sharpened my mind and gave me ambition. Probably 1/3 of all my knowledge was obtained in the 2 1/2 years I could afford my constant daily dose, and was open to the world.

The only problem was financial. It ended up ruining me, in my desperation to hold on to "life" and not be plunged back into the untreatable hazy nightmare of my natural state.

I could never understand why people found enjoyment in things like nature hikes, or beaches, or sunsets, or in connecting with others. I was dour, bitter and melancholy to my core. Heroin and other strong morphinoids (but not other opiates) are the only medications that exist that can alleviate my afflictions enough to allow me to experience heartfelt, sincere, "real" happiness and positive emotions.

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Thank you for the other side. Heroin can have helpful effects on those who can't be helped in other ways. DT, high time you come to Europe and get prescription DAM.

Last edited by dyingtomorrow; 01-03-2012 at 16:38.
  #21  
Old 04-03-2012, 03:59
Pain Hurts Pain Hurts is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Its like a mouse running on a wheel and thinking he will get to the spring break rave in Daytona this year but he is actually headed to Alaska for severe cold weather with no hope of sunshine nor warmth. You have no friends, no money and you cannot trust anyone.

From a real life experience, there is a guy I know who basically spends his entire day chasing odd jobs and doing illegal deeds (sort of) to make enough money to buy his pills and then wastes them by snorting them , where if he just took them whole and ate them he would save $150 per day, for example. Not including what he spends on getting his buzz on.

There is only 1 goal, 1 objective , and it is to obtain this buzz and survive with the minimal relations to others and personal well being is basic. It can get really scary too. Sometimes even funny. Sorry if this sounds confusing, but its sort of like it.

Pain Hurts added 2 Minutes and 24 Seconds later...

I try to express myself as best as I can and reply with valuable , harm reduction type of info but I really gotta say, you said it better then I.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mikezombie777 View Post
So true. SWIM has been addicted to various opiates for about 6 months now and its the time thing every day. Wake up, pop lots of pills, wait an hour to be stable, then sit around high while watching the same TV shows and doing all the same things. SWIM can barely get out of bed in the mornings to take his pills. Every morning he wakes up with withdrawals where he feels sick, cripplingly tired and deeply depressed. He cannot cope with withdrawals cold turkey. He wants to get into a detox program when he moves back to the city.

He once went 24hrs without taking his drug of choice and it was pure, undignified hell. He just wanted to die due to the deep dark depression, constant crippling anxiety and overall just simply feeling like he's dying.

Drugs are his life and he would do almost anything to obtain them, but thankfully never has needed to do anything illicit. The addiction began after an injury which he was taking Oxycodone for and found he felt too great to come off it. But now he only gets a slight buzz from various drugs and does it simply to remain stable.

Being addicted to opiates flat out sucks. It's fun in the beginning before you become an addict and have no tolerance. Oxycodone made life wonderful, but within a few months that all goes down the crapper and it becomes about just preventing withdrawals. It controls you. Drugs take priority over almost everything else once addiction sets it. It becomes morally questionable for those around you and you begin to lose respect for yourself, seeing things completely differently. You hope one day there's light at the end of the tunnel, because it's either get clean or end up dead or in the big house.

Don't get addicted to opiates. Don't say to yourself "oh I would never let it happen". I said the same thing. I thought I would be the last person to become an addict but it happened.

Take care.

Last edited by Pain Hurts; 04-03-2012 at 03:59. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #22  
Old 04-03-2012, 08:33
DiabolicScheme DiabolicScheme is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Addiction, in my opinion, destroys many hobbies you may have had before you started.

Me for instance, since my addiction I have not worked out in 2 years because the enjoyment I get from working out can be obtained by a pill so why bother right? I would imagine it would be the same for other hobbies as well.

I'm a functioning addict, I still go to work and I still get the stuff I need to get done (like pay bills) but I have the extra thought of constantly thinking about the next time I'm going to dose up and how/when I'm going to get my next fix.

You'd really be amazed how often you think about your drug of choice when you are addicted it can really become a burden especially if the drug of choice leads to withdrawal symptoms relatively fast when you are off of it.
  #23  
Old 04-03-2012, 17:53
natey7 natey7 is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Everyone here pretty much says it all, and very well to. But Swim's going to add his own experience with his addiction to Opiates anyways.
Bear with Swim if some of this stuff was already mentioned above. This is just what Swim has gone through himself during the years, and what he has learnt from his own addiction along the way.
So here it goes:

For Swim, the Opiate lifestyle was the worst kind of life he could have chosen to live.

Swim could say all of the nasty and bad words about it that he could think of. He could try to describe the hell and the pain as best he could.. but anyone who hasn't been through it themselves, will never be able to actually grasp, or understand just how bad an Opiate addiction really is. Swim could only explain it in words, but until you've experienced the horrors yourself, you will never really be able to fully comprehend just how bad it actually is. Words can't even fully explain the hell that an Opiate addict has to go through day in and day out.. Swim has even heard from another addict, who later had a child state, that her child birth was nothing compared to her Heroin withdrawals. And hell, Swim truly believes her.. Swim has never experienced anything worse in his whole entire life.

And Swim also wants to add in that he didn't have a prescription to this stuff. He had to go through the hell of buying it off of the street; Never being sure if he was going to be able to get it, waiting hours on end, sick as a dog for dealers who sometimes didn't even show up, paying ridiculously large amounts of money for a couple pills of OC, or scoring some bags of dope and not knowing if they're gonna be good enough to satisfy you or not, or not knowing if it's even really Heroin or not, getting ripped off multiple times and being left sicker than sick, until you are finally able to find more money(which could sometimes even take days to do), getting so sick that you become so desperate, and willing to do anything to get more money for the one thing in the world that will cure your sickness, stealing from places, which eventually results in spending time in jail while in withdrawal, stealing from loved ones, pawning/selling all of your possessions, which includes everything you ever cared for or worked hard to get, getting so much debt that it nearly breaks your back from all of the weight, not knowing how you're gonna get your next fix when you have to wake up and do it all over again, losing multiple jobs, and knowing deep down that the new one you have just started will soon be lost because of your stupid addiction, burning lots of bridges, causing un-repairable damage, dragging your family along with you through hell(without even knowing it at the time), doing too much heartless things to count, being so ignorant that your sober-self would puke if he saw the way you acted all because of the drugs, being too high to know what's going on, being too numb to know who you may be causing pain to, feeling so alone and messed up and out of place, because you're one of the few people in your area who are that addicted to Opiates, not having others to relate to, hating yourself in so many ways all because of your addiction, being so high, or so sick, that you aren't even able to have proper hygiene, or take a simple shower for weeks at a time, being so sick that you can't even get out of bed in the morning, and don't forget the way people look at you, or make you feel like a total monster, and best of all, living in an Opiophobic society at the same time.

If Swim knew beforehand, that he was going to have to go through all of the crap listed above, or be made to feel the way he has had to feel in the past because of his addiction, I don't think Swim would have chosen to try such a drug... All Swim ever wanted was to experience the high. And from there, one time led to another, and the `next time' led to another, and so onÖ

Swim first told himself that he'd try Oxy 'just once', just to see what all the fuss was about. He had already tried Codeine at that point, which made him extremely curious about Oxys. Back then, Swim didn't know that using it once, would lead to a huge desire to use it full-time for the rest of his life(ALL or NOTHING). After experiencing his first Oxy high, Swim wanted to use Opiates all day, every day, and he wasn't going to quit until he accomplished just that, no matter what it took. His thoughts constantly revolved around them. The obsession took hold very fast. It was a sick, dark love affair, between him and a chemical substance. And when it comes to Oxy, Swim was hooked from the first time the pills powder hit his system.

From Oxy, Swim eventually tried smoking Harry down the road. This is something that Swim once told himself he would never do. But when it was offered to him, Swims view was changed, and he accepted the offer... And once again Swim told himself, "just once"... and that was that.

At first H seemed better than Oxy in so many ways. It was cheaper and you got more, it was stronger, it was already powdered, etc.. But eventually H became the most expensive thing Swim has ever had to pay for on a daily basis (tolerance). And eventually Swim was not even able to get high on it anymore either, no matter how much he did. And in the end, a bunch of bags wouldn't last any more than one night.

Once Harry finally left the scene, Swim went back to the good old OCs. And now all because of the H Swims tolerance had doubled or tripled, since the last time he was still using OCs! At that point, Swim couldn't even puke off of them anymore, no matter how much he used(Swim used to puke when he got really high), and this was all thanks to Heroin.. The one thing Swim thought that was better at first in so many ways ended up turning his addiction up a couple notches, while maxing out his credit card out at the same time... Juust great.

Swim had heard some horror stories and warnings when he was young, like about Kurt Cobain having an OD, or possibly committing suicide, etc... But Swim just couldn't figure out what was so bad about Opiates at first... It's a very smart drug (it could outsmart Swim any day). Swim was actually convinced that all of that stuff was a lie, and that he had just found perfection in a pill, or in a bag (back then Swim hadn't even reached his twenties yet, and he still had so much to learn). Swim thought that he was different at the time. Swim thought that he could control it and that he was special... but he was honestly so wrong.

Once Swim started to become sick as hell, that's when he started to sacrifice everything available to feel better, and I mean everything. Swim used up every last resource he could possibly think of... until one day, Swim was finally left completely dry and all out of options. This included not only Swims resources, but other peoples resources as well... Swim wasn't really sacrificing everything to get high either... The way he remembers it, he was just feeling that sick and desperate at the time, and he just wanted to feel better already. And when you're in the worst pain known to man, and you know the one thing that will cure you is just a phone call away, this can really make you do a lot of stupid and crazy unfathomable things just to get that 'one thing'.

The movie Trainspotting says it very well actually:
"Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?"

Swim lost all of his hobbies, interests and joys etc., all because of his addiction to Opiates.

Everything constantly revolved around the drug.

The only thing Swim was able to enjoy was the Opiates themselves. And well Swim was high he wouldn't do much either... His routine consisted of, watching TV or movies, making sure he had a cigarette in his hand at all times and him nodding out or sleeping while getting burned by that cigarette.. Too many wasted years was the outcome.

Swim also knows now that he was an extremely ignorant addict while he was still using... However, Swim didn't actually know that he was being ignorant at the time while he was on the Opiates (which was 99% of the time). See when you're that high you don't really notice all that much, Opiates kind of put a blindfold over your eyes, and you end up missing out on so many things until you finally stop getting high. See the world will always keep going, whether your life is on halt or not... And then once you come down, everything's there to bite you on the ass and make you want to use again even more! Itís a very scary and destructive cycle to be in.

Swim definitely wishes he didn't touch that crap. His experience with the drug was complete torture with more bad than good.

Swim wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy.

And Swim could only hope that others will learn from his own mistakes, instead of having to go through it themselves.

Seriously people, try and stick with Motrin or Advil when it comes to pain. Opiates just aren't worth it AT ALL.

Swim lost everything imaginable to his Opiate addiction. It was kind of like in Trainspotting, where one of the characters apartments only consists of a mattress on the floor for sleeping.. But hell, I don't think Swim would have stopped until all of that happened anyways, that and almost dying that is.

That's what they call 'rock bottom' .

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Yah ... that does largely sum up the addiction situation ...
Outstanding narrative of the opiate addiction process.

Last edited by natey7; 30-09-2012 at 15:04.
  #24  
Old 04-03-2012, 19:11
Pain Hurts Pain Hurts is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

very well said Nate. I can personally relate.
  #25  
Old 05-03-2012, 12:31
natey7 natey7 is offline
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Re: Whats it like to be addicted?

Muchas gracias.

Last edited by natey7; 30-09-2012 at 15:04.

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