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finished reading "Kurt Cobain journals" tonight. last page before his death was written in Madrid, Hotel Villa Magna.want to share with u all
"In movies the filmmaker tries to depict true life instances, the most interesting occurrences during the subjects time frame are picked out of a span of time. time is much longer than a movie can show and a viewer will have the patience for. therefore we don't realize how time plays such a gigantic part in the leading up to events. two people may have dinner for 2 hours but only 30 seconds of the most interesting parts of the conversation will be used. I feel time and a persons ability to understand time is very important. its the only way I can relate to you the very real way a person becomes addicted to substances. if we realize and remember things happen over a period of time, then we may understand how almost everyone who tries hard drugs ie: heroin and cocaine will eventually become literally, a slave to these substances. I remember someone saying if you try heroine once you'll become hooked. of course I laughed and scoffed at the idea but I now believe this is to be very true. not literally, I mean if you do dope once you don't instantly become addicted it usually takes about one month of every day use to physically become addicted. but after the first time your mind say ahh that was very pleasant as long as I don’t do it every day I won’t have a problem. The problem is it happens over time. Lets start with january 1<SUP>st</SUP> lets do dope for the first time. Consciously you won’t do it again for maybe a month. February you’ll do it twice. March 3 days in a row. February, 3 days in a row and once more at the end of the month. March, maybe not at all. April 5 days in a row skip 3 once more. May 10 days in a row. During those ten days it’s very easy to lose track of time it may seem like 3 days but two weeks can go by. The effects are still as pleasant and you can still choose what days you do it so naturally there must not be a problem. With everyone some time at last once a year some sort of crisis happens to everyone, the loss of a friend or mate or relative this is when the drug tells you to say f**k it. Every drug addict has said f**k it more times than they can count. This example has only taken one page but within a year of casual heroine use the person has had more days off dope than on. It can slowly and gradually consume you because there are 24 hrs in a day and no one wants to be hooked. It doesn’t happen as fast as it does in a movie because a movie quickly has to show all the juicy stuff within 2 hrs. 2 hrs out of a years worth of casual drug use is nothing. By the time you’ve said f**k it the long process of trying to stay off begins. The first kick is usually easy if you have pills. You basically sleep. Which is bad in my opinion because you think if its that easy I could get hooked and kick for the rest of my life. By the second and third time it becomes very different. It takes sometimes 5 times longer. The psychological factors have set in and are as damaging as the physical effects. Every time you kick as time goes by it gets more uncomfortable. Even the most needle phobic person can crave the relief of putting a syringe in their arm. People have been know to shoot water, booze, mouthwash, etc… drug use is escapism whether you want to admit it or not. A person may have spent months, years trying to get help, but the amount of time one spends trying to get help and the years it takes to become completely drug free is nothing in comparison. Every junkie I’ve ever met has fought with it at least 5 years and most end up fighting for about 15 25 years, until finally they have to resort to becoming a slave to another drug the 12 step program which is in itself another drug/religion. If it works for you do it. If your ego is too big start at square one and go the psychological rehabilitative way. Either way you’ve got at least 5 to 10 years of battle ahead of you."
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26-02-2004, 11:31
Hybrid Mode
