Crazy weekend- cocaine/benzos causing problems

[sky_man]

So, last Saturday SWIM had a rather large argument with his other half over the suspicion she was cheating on him. SWIM may or may not have been right, but logged onto her MSN and the lad in question believed he was speaking to her and said "even if nothing had happened between us I'd still want you to fuck him off". Sounds rather obvious to me, but maybe I'm just that straightforward. They bothed denied it when confronted.

However, SWIM has been suspicious for some time now and this paranoia has probably escalated with some serious coke usage over the last year (at one point helping to go through half a key in five weeks with some friends just before Xmas).

This confrontation with SWIM's other half continued when they saw each other again on Sunday. She left, he felt rather depressed. SWIM then had two valium (of ten 'acquired'). It was 6pm, Sunday, he'd just started watching The Wire, he was starting to feel a little better.

The next memory is it's late Monday night / early Tuesday morning, SWIM was in the hospital, he was screaming for his phone, managed to get it, his other half refused to come to the hospital, the doctors wouldn't let him leave, when insisting he'd discharge himself was told the police would come looking for him. Eventually he subdued. He'd slashed a wrist, no idea how bad, but enough to require 9 stitches. It turns out he'd also had another 8 valium, 10 co-codamol and 10 co-proxamol

When he woke Tuesday morning he 'escaped' the hospital, went home, cleaned up, then went to a friends, scored an eighth of coke and began getting high again, this carried on through till Wednesday, he'd had no sleep and by Wednesday evening he'd had another half a gram of coke.

It wasn't until he woke on Thursday morning he began to take in exactly what had just happened over those few days. The events after leaving the hospital were rather stupid, however it's what happened after taking the valium on Sunday and waking in hospital two days later that SWIM wishes he could remember.

The taking of the remaining valium, the other pills and the slashing his wrist. Apparently he'd also gone driving in his car at 2am Monday but finds this difficult to believe. He has a vague recollection of possibly getting in the car, then getting back out and walking off but, as said, this is vague.

He's now vowed to quit coke and seek help. The other half hasn't spoken to him since, he's depressed, anxious and finds it dificult to resist not going to get high. It makes SWIM feel better and takes his mind off things but knows it's a cause of his problems.

Any advice?

[moda00]

The first step is acknowledging that the drug or drugs are becoming a problem. Sounds like he's definitely there. However, it can be easy to get stuck in that place of knowing that there is a problem and wanting the problem to go away, but still wanting to use the substances.

There has to be, in my friend's experience, a tipping point where the desire to get well overtakes the desire to use, which has to come from a concrete linking between the substance use and the problems/negative feelings. He must want to stop using more strongly than he wants to keep using, keeping in mind the knowledge of the consequences of his use/abuse and where that path leads.

I don't believe he should punish himself if he struggles with this; sounds like he is feeling bad enough- addiction can happen to anyone, and recovery can be a struggle. But I do think that your post makes clear that the best approach for his own sake is to quit now.

Remember, one can always start using again, but if one can hold out hope that things really do get better in time, they really do get better without having to use drugs to self-medicate and blunt one's emotions. If one can get through the harder parts of the journey the rewards are worth it!

As one who struggled with heroin and cocaine addiction (and is now sober from cocaine for over 2 years, and off heroin for the same amount of time but with several short-lived relapses) my friend can tell him that it does indeed get better, and getting off of these substances that are threatening to further damage his health, relationships, and future is worth doing. It's just a matter of getting to the point where using is not an immediate option.

Some people find "a day at a time" helpful- just take things slowly, and take pride in each day that one can get through without using. Others will set a time frame- say a month, or three months, to stop using before making their decision on where to take things from there. Practical things are essential as well in early recovery- making that choice and sticking to it- let his friends know that he is trying to quit, change phone numbers if necessary, structure one's schedule to include non-using activities and people, etc.

Also, again not to focus on the negative but remember where these substances have led him- the hospital and the memory loss and the damage to his relationship. Sometimes people with addictions tend to glorify their drug of choice or past use, or remember only the positives- one does have to keep in mind a balanced picture, and the reasons why one is choosing to stop- if it helps, write it down, while these feeling are fresh in his memory, and write down why he wants to quit and how he feels. He can look back on this as needed- my friend has found journaling a great tool for reflecting on one's recovery and seeing one's own progress, but everyone has their own way of doing things. Others say that helping others in recovery, through public meetings or group therapy programs, can also help remind people of the consequences of addictive patterns of use, and the positives of staying off the problem substance(s).

My one other piece of advice is that he not get down on himself if he finds he is having a hard time- recovery is a difficult process. If something is not working, try something else until it does. He may have to seek help- it is in fact very likely that in some way shape or form, he will have to learn to ask for help. Whether this is support from family and friends, or meetings, or in/outpatient treatment, or talking with a therapist.. it varies. But part of recovery is learning to find replacements to "fill in" for the drugs. One cannot usually just remove a huge chunk of their life (their use of their drug of choice) and not fill it with something else.. it sounds simple, but one has to consider their motives for using the drugs- while acknowledging, of course, that as addiction develops, one needs no motive; it can become completely compulsive- but what patterns of use in addiction often have in common is this: Trying to change one's mood or emotions; using to feel better. If so, one has to look at his life and find other ways to meet this need- physical release of emotion, like exercise? learning to talk things out, or seeking advice/help from other people more frequently? finding activities to take one's mind off of boredom or troubling thoughts? Again, it sounds simple, but it is so important in my friend's experience.

Take care and let us know how your friend is doing!!~ Hope he is feeling better.

[sky_man]

So, unfortunately things have gone a little downhill.

SWIM was doing okay, until two weeks after he got out of hospital he discovered through an email (he still received his other halfs emails on his PC and it wasn't until after this incident she changed her password, a cynic might think she did this on purpose) the ex girlfriend had booked a 4 day holiday to Spain, starting three weeks to the day he tried to kill himself. He went absolutely mental at this but hit the roof when he saw she was going with none other than the lad he suspected she was cheating on him with.

He managed to get in touch with her and they spoke on the phone. She denied there was anything going on (still), insisted she just wanted a break from 'all this shit', and claimed he was going because he was the only person she could find in such a short space of time (rather convenient eh?). SWIM was furious and after ending the conversation immediately went and scored an eight of coke. About two hours later he was driving home and as he passed his ex's street he saw the lad in question. A confrontation ensued, the lad got a crack and he ran off (which is amusing as he's a bit taller than SWIM). SWIM then began an email conversation with his ex over the course of the next few days, it started off heated but by the end he'd calmed down a bit.

However, on the Friday just gone he learnt there was a warrant out for his arrest in regards to this assault. Police stormed his friends house (who lives two doors away from the ex looking for him), the friend wasn't too happy as his son was in bed. On the Saturday afternoon SWIM was literally about to leave his house, he'd removed his coke from the usual stash and put it on a shelf between some CD's whilst getting ready to go out. He was moving his stash (which was about 12 grams) to his matesfor safety. Literally as SWIM was putting his jacket on the police arrived, he had no time to move the stash and left it on the shelf. As far as he was aware this was a simple assault charge, no need to be worried. The police even claimed he wasn't under arrest and needed questioning in 'regards to an alledged assault'. SWIM went along with them.

After a few hours in the cells he was interviewed. His solicitor informed him that it wasn't just the assault charge but his ex had made a complaint of harassment. They had searched SWIM's room, seized his work PC and laptop, his mobile phone and discovered his stash.

The assault charge was dropped as it was weak, SWIM was charged with 'harassment' and is on bail till June for the coke. He claimed personal use (his ex even said in her statement that he'd became more paranoid with his extensive cocaine usage) and is hoping they will believe this. The coke was in three 8ths and 2g's.

He's even more despressed than before now as he can't believe the ex has brought this much trouble on to him and he's worried the police will look at the drugs as intent to supply. He's not doing very well. He spends a lot of his time sleeping, he is struggling to do his work (he's self employed and has his own company) as the police have his computers and regularly wonders whether his life is ruined.

[moda00]

Oh dear. Sounds like it hasn't been going so well for swiy.. hang in there..
Not a legal expert, but it sounds like they'd have no reason to go for a supply charge, other than that they like to create as much trouble as they can, I guess, but stick to the truth, which is that it was only for personal use, right? Addiction is a very personal issue, and one that I strongly believe should be approached in medical and social contexts as opposed to legal ones, but hopefully they will see that swiy is trying to better things and that it was a mistake and a rough time.

I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well though.. If it helps, remember and repeat to oneself that this too shall pass.. everything is transient and eventually there comes a point where this experience will be in the past.

Some of the sleeping and depression could be side effects, withdrawal symptoms of coming off the coke, if one has come off it recently or between uses, as I've heard/seen both as reasonably common "crash" symptoms after cocaine use, but of course it seems one has enough reason for situational depression with or without the possible effects.. but I did recently read a study on increased rates of depression among cocaine addicts, although they are unsure whether cause or effect..the usual dilemma. That said, no matter the cause, has one considered either therapy, with a substance abuse counselor or psychologist, and/or seeing a medical doctor to be evaluated? It sounds like things are really rough, and swim knows when she got off heroin/cocaine she felt like shit, both physically/mentally from coming off the drugs, and also because of the family circumstances and personal/emotional issues that can surround someone at times of transition.. she has been seeing her current therapist for awhile, maybe 2-3 years, and finds while it doesn't solve all her problems, it is so helpful to have someone she can talk to, someone who will just listen, or someone who can give an outside perspective when needed.. something to consider. She was also on ssris for awhile, but not currently.. just a matter of finding what works and sometimes just hanging on until the really shitty parts are over.

Swim also was in a long term relationship/ending that relationship at the time of her "bottoming out" and trying to get off the drugs. It was really hard, but eventually she realized that she had to put her efforts into getting well and on herself, because if she let someone else control them she would destroy herself and others in the process.. I don't know where your relationship stands, but it might make sense to put oneself first and realize that only when one is over this hump can one really evaluate the situation with this or other relationships and give the relationship what is needed. It's hard to separate one's emotions from one what one rationally or logically knows is needed, but for me it came to a point where if every time I got upset about this person or our failed relationship I used, I was only destroying myself, and not fixing the relationship or the underlying issues at all. Hope that makes sense, but we all have to find what works I guess, find our own path..

Here's hoping things get better soon!

[sky_man]

SWIM went to see his Doctor the week after he came out of hospital and told him about his current situation; splitting up with his girlfriend, the crazy weekend, the cocaine abuse, the depression, etc. His Doctor was supposed to make arrangements for SWIM to see a shrink but there was a 3 week wait. SWIM is still waiting for his letter and three weeks plus is a long, long time when you're climbing the walls.

During this time SWIM has also occasionally been using Opiod based drugs such as Solpadol / Solpadeine / Codeine Phosphate when feeling down / out of coke / sleepless.

[sweetsugar]

Swiy needs to be carefull not to become addicted to those opiod based drugs that swiy is takeing to feel better, to numb or take away emotions - time is a healer, and swiy will feel better. Good luck & all the best