Slow decay, from best to worst! why?

[thatsall]

i am currently feeling better then normal, but i still feel i can feel better as i did 3 nights ago while i was riding out an awsome dxm trip. I had an awsome trip and had so much fun doing nothing but collecting my thoughts and bullshiting with friends. it was an intense trip. my concen is that when i trip i feel like myself more then ever. i can go up to anyone and make a friend or maybe even meet a future girlfriend. basically i can put a smile on anyones face i want whether they like it or not. that is the best feeling for me.Being able to know what people what and to say or do something that will have them under my influence.MIND cONTROLin a nutshell.i then sleep after my awsome trip sometimes i dont but as time goes a slowly begin to feel out of touch with myself. I dont think outward and think about other people the same way. I think inward and insecure and feel others think of me that way. Its almost as if my mind slowly starts to control me with insecure depressed and weird thought. thoughts that sometimes make me think...I didnt just think that what the fucks wrong with me , oh my god what am gonna do. then i just become a social mess and cant talk to anyone because i feel everything that comes out might be wrong. i dont know whats going on but i need some insight becaus e i dont think it would be a good idea to just trip everyweek, or maybe i dont know. some thoughts and advice would be great!