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Swim tried ecstasy for the first time at 21, previous to that all she had ever done was drink and smoke pot. Like many peoples first experience with MDMA, she had the best night of her entire life, she had suffered from depression and she was just blown away that this type of happiness even existed, let alone that she would ever experience it!
As you can imagine, swim wanted to feel like this as often as possible and started taking Ecstasy 3 to 4 times a week. She suffered severe depression and mood swings on the come downs, and about 3 weeks after her first E she experienced her first panic attack. Swim thought she was about to die, it was the day after an E party and out of nowhere swims heart rate just went through the roof, and she had this completely overwhelming feeling that she was about to die. She didn't feel like "she could die", there was no maybe about it, she was 100% convinced that her time was up, she was about to die. Her pulse was so fast, and so hard her whole body moved with it and she was convinced she was having a heart attack or something brought on from taking Ex the night before.
swim knew nothing about panic attacks, and neither did her boyfriend, he thought she was about to cark it too and took her to the emergency room. He told the Dr swim had taken E the previous night and even the Dr thought swim had just taken too much Ex (she only took 1 pill). By the time she had been admitted and hooked up to the monitors etc, her heart and slowed down considerably, and a few hours later she was discharged and advised not to take drugs like Ex again cause it would probably kill her. WTF??
At the time swim had very little knowledge of drugs, and combined with her lack of knowledge with regards to panic attacks, the whole experience freaked her out totally. She and her boyfriend made a pact to never use again, which of course they broke a few days later, and though swim was never admitted into the ER again for this reason, there were a few times over the next few months where her boyfriend would drive her to the hospital and they would sit out in the car park waiting for her to OD. Madness....
About a month later swims boyfriend's mother witnessed her having an attack and guessed right away that it was a panic attack. swim had a lot of shit going on in her life at the time, so this seemed plausible and a visit to the local Dr confirmed this and she was prescribed with Xanax to take as required.
swim only took Xanax the one time, as the day after she experienced sleep paralysis with some trippy hallucinations, which just freaked her out more, and swim stopped taking drugs altogether (bar pot) for the next 6 months. Her panic attacks stopped within a few weeks. Go figure.
Sorry this is so long winded, I'm just not sure what info will be beneficial and what is just meaningless. ok almost finished, almost 3 years later SWIM began taking Ecstasy every weekend again, a habit/addiction swim maintained for the next 3 years.... without experiencing a single panic attack.
Then she got addicted to methamphetamine and GHB, pretty much at the same time, and experienced a few more panic attacks, well that is what she originally thought they were anyway. Same heart racing, impending doom etc but not so scary cause she knew, or thought she knew, that it was just a panic attack and would pass.
But these attacks lasted much longer than in the past, sometimes hours and her heart rate seemed to be even faster and harder, which she didn't think could be possible. One time she tried to walk across the room but she was so exhausted it was like she had just run a marathon, so she lay down and fell asleep for about an hour, but when she woke up her heart rate had not slowed even slightly. Swim was ready to do the ER thing again, when suddenly, for no apparent reason, her heart slipped back into its regular rhythm, no slow decrease, just went from mad fast to normal in a split second.
Swims Dr said that what swim was experiencing did not sound like panic attacks, and were more likely to be something called “SVT “ (Supra Ventricular Tachy Cardia) which is basically an arrhythmia, or abnormal heart rhythm. Almost any stimulants can cause it, from chocolate to the more obvious methamphetamine and is often observed in young people who suffer from anxiety or from severe fatigue and even more commonly, those who consume large amounts of coffee, use alcohol or smoke heavily.
At this time swim was no longer taking Ex as it no longer worked on her, and she figured it was the meth rather than the GHB or the cigarettes. She continued to have theses attacks about twice a month, usually after a big night on it with no sleep, then months later when she stopped daily use of GHB the attacks ceased too. Swim has not had an attack in a few years now, even though she suffers from severe anxiety due to PTSD.
There is not a lot you can really conclude from the erratic patterns of swims anxiety/panic attacks/SVT except that you really cannot predict which drugs will cause anxiety attacks, you really just have to weigh up whether the urge to try ecstasy outweighs the fear/dislike of anxiety, cause I think you can pretty much assume that your anxiety will return. But Ex is incredible, and even with all the crap associated with my swims use, she would probably do it all again. But then she has experienced how good it is. You haven’t, and believe swim when she tells you it is much, much harder to resist the temptation to use Ex once you have experienced it.
Respect for searching out the info on it before you try it instead of after like swim, and good luck with whatever you choose. Knowledge, power, freedom, choice.
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