well the title really says it all.
got a nice little letter today explaining that i dont have what it takes to be part of the ASDA family. sure, i could blame the slow economic collapse in this country. or i could blame it on my criminal record. but no, i don't have anything to blame it on... fuck it eh. fuck asda too swim really doesnt like it./

@ savingJenniB : age is a state of mind. *wink* *hint* *wink* hehe

ill add more photos once i get our cameras working with the comp. my phone takes shit pics(vodafone 716) and ive broke my mmc>usb card(one of the gold strips broke off, cheap ebay shit)
but uhhh yeah...swim got a few 30mg DHC on top of the 14 DHC Continus M/R (modified release, in other words, chew) cept all the continus are gone, but he got another 40 5mg diazepam(yellows) half of which are gone lol. but the doc seems to think that 2x5mg 5x/day [50mg/day] is enuff for him. he disagrees but if he were on two 120mg DHC continus a day too he'd be able to stay away from smack. he swears that after he chewed...

SWIM was put in a position today to get a sterile syringe and some decent gear.
he gave in to the temptation, i mean he hadnt been TOTALLY clean for the 6 weeks but he'd only had 2/3 lines. he just had a bag. IV. tells me it feels so good and now all he wants to do is spend all night up feelin good and then score another tomorrow. he had been on a path of abstinence, but maybe with the help of these prescription pills he's on(listed elsewhere...benzo, tricyclic and anti-psychotic.) he will be able to keep it a 'casual' thing...and try and only get good decent gear for IV. he'll always go sterile. never share. swim dont even do that bleach and boil shit he use a pin 1-5 times b4 puttin...

well.. i still woke up alone.
still feel worthless.
still feel unattractive.
still wish i hadnt fucked up my past relationships, however i done it.
and yet, i feel at peace at the moment over it.
maybe thats because SWIM took 1 5k1(temazepam-10mg) and a cupple 5mg yellow diazepam that he's scripted. now hes doing the weights and working out til he can get a hold of a certain person who owes him 20 bucks towards SWIM's owed money. but its okay, swim assures me his guy is cool with bein payed whenever cause he knows he always pays up. but SWIM is paranoid that this guy is dodgin his 20.

other than that thanks to all the good vibes sent my way yesterday...

waking up alone.
no job. no money. but more importantly, no significant other. i mean, whod want to be with an insane 18 year old fuckup whos fading away faster and faster each day.
never meet any new girls.
never have the courage to just approach.
seein no light at the end of the tunnel.
noose tied and hanging.
can i kick the chair?
kick my family & friends.
kick my country and government.
kick my meaning(ANARCHY) ?

yes, yes i can.