As SWIM was looking around a minute ago he realized that on Friday he will have been a member here for a year. Now, he is not usually big on anniversaries or celebrations, but this place has really helped him out many times. The community, the information, the knowledge, the safe back drop, everything from top to bottom about this forum screams help and discovery.

From SWIM's many first tries with different substances over the past year he has found helpful information here that put him at ease and helped him out. He has learned so much, and is now even more into discovering these beloved substances, but now he looks at them from a different point of view, a more respectful (not...

As I continue to go long grueling days and weeks and months without any additional tattoos, I find myself becoming more desperate to feel the needle on my skin. For a while I turned to scarification and while I love both the act of doing it and the results it gives, I'm not always in the mood/pumped up enough to go through the time and pain that such a rite requires. I've also done a brand a time or two to the same beautiful result, but these things are just not the same!

I've even resorted to attempting to put together a home made tattoo gun. Apparently, it can be done, but they are pretty primative. I figure I am going to give it a try because having a self-done tattoo means...

So SWIM tripped for the first time in about 8 months last night on Halloween. It was not a magnificent mescaline experience or anything like that, but DXM has always been one of my penguin's very favorites.

The penguin and a friend went and got some Zicam cough and each downed one bottle. It was SWIM's first DXM experience without ingesting pure powder, and it was amazing. The Zicam spray is magnificent, though SWIM says he thinks it takes 2 bottles to get a real real strong experience.

That said, it was a lot of fun. The experience lasted for about 6 hours, in which time the penguins listened to 4 Sigur Ros albums and just layed in the dark with their eyes closed....

Tonight I get to go see High on Fire, Baroness, and most importantly, Opeth. I'm usually pretty uneasy around crowds so I avoid concerts regardless of my passion for music, but I could not avoid Opeth coming to Saint Louis. If it goes well I'm going to go to the Underoath/Saosin concert in Kansas City too, so I'm pretty excited right about now.

Here's to finding some good apparell and having an awesome night.

Here are the lyrics to two of my favorite songs, without the music the words are still gorgeous poetry.


- Black Rose Immortal

In the name of desperation
I call your name
A lamentation I sigh
Again and again

Spiritual eclipse
The gateways are closed for me to seek

The night...
A veil of stars, watching
My shadow is born from light
The light of the eye, in darkness

Over troubled waters memories soar
Endlessly, searching night and day
The moonlight caresses a lonely hill
With the calmness of a whisper

I wear a naked soul
A blank face in the streaming...

I'm an artist at heart, but have only really been given the talent of words. And even there it's questionable. Here's the first poem I want to put here, I plan on posting a few more - hope it's not too boring!


This mirrored existence,
of strife and love;
is but a consequence,
of all we pursue and desire;

That which we truly seek,
is hidden only so deep;
but we refuse to open our eyes,
for the fact that our desires are bleak;

That transparent figure so labeled "karma",
comes unabashed to our face;
he gives us the woes and the wins,
and we present to him - continued failure;
...

So SWIM's mental state has gradually been nearing normality since a harsh and sudden break up, and with this several ideas and plans have come.

Next summer he is planning a trip to Hawaii, he wants to go to many other places, but for now a US trip will cost less and Hawaii will be amazing anyway. While there he plans to hike through the jungles, go see the lava flows, and obtain a traditional hawaiian tattoo from a local. (If anyone has recommendations for must-sees on the islands feel free to speak up.)

He is also going to experience ayahuasca for the first time in the coming weeks/months. The date is not set, but he's close to being mentally ready for it, probably...

Looking to delve into some hobbies SWIM has been wanting to get into for a while now so as to avoid as much depression as possible.

Does anyone have tips on meditation? SWIM likes candles and incense and he likes to do it, but he doesn't think he's ever been able to really do it quite right, though, it's kind of a hard thing to do "right" I suppose.

Maybe expect some samples of a book soon, though it's not clear whether it will be the fantasy novel, post-apocalyptic set of short stories, or something other worldly.

Other than that, why is golf so expensive?

SWIM has a lot of values and morals that he's obtained over the years, some picked up recently and some stemming from childhood. SWIM was raised in a very conservative, very loving, and very reinforcing environment; actually, he was quite sheltered until about 17-18. SWIM has never viewed drugs in a poor light, even when his parents would tell him that they were bad. His brother even got in a good bit of trouble with the law over drugs, but honestly, SWIM would never do some of the dumb things his sibling did (carrying kilos with a broken tail light, getting in a bike wreck while smashed and carrying several drugs, and the list goes on).

SWIM always felt he had a pretty good...

SWIM also posted this in the RC forum, but wants to keep his trip reports on his blog now that there's one here at the forum. It'll make it easy to keep them journaled.

So SWIM experienced his first experience with this, or with any other research chemical, last night. FYI, SWIM has experienced quite a few of the most common psychedelics (mushrooms, LSD, mescaline, DXM, salvia) numerous times, so he is pretty familiar with the type of experience. Because of this he felt comfortable doing 20 mg for his first experience, but after doing so would say that half that would be a good initial dose for anyone not experienced with psychedelics. SWIM had a great time, but he could see himself...

A bowl almost certainly has to be smoked. It's often pondered whether or not this apparent dependency is "bad".

Even the existence of this dependency is questioned at times, as if the ritual is more primal and instinctive than society leads us to believe.

The division of thought between what is, and what makes sense, in today's world, seems so cavernous at times.