You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?

You know why they put oxygen masks on planes? Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.

On a long enough timeline, the survival rate...

Only in her bed, among wild flowers and sharp slivers of colorful glass, became evident to me the reason why Nature choose sex as only instrument for life's evolution and betterment of the species; and why the gods always feared it and forbid it, while all demons, visionaries and rebels always used it to challenge them and to mock their power.
Only in her bed could I glimpse the might of Helen and the passion of Medea.
In her bed time would first freeze and then crumble into shiny fragments of past and future, that would finally fall, like april's rain on our sweaty, thirsting bodies.
There, in the temple of senses, space could not exist.
Matter transformed into...

I have an online friend in another drug forum that has shared many of the same struggles getting and staying clean that I have. He had 7+ months yesterday, but posted that he thought he was going to relapse; that he needed to get high.

He was found dead in bed by his mother this morning . . . FUCK!

Sometimes this stuff is just hard to take.

FC

It doesn't matter whether you're 14 or 114, you should never give up on your dreams.Too many people do so at the first sign of any setback. You've got to have the will and determination to go on, even in the face of adversity. I think it's just human nature that if you want something with all your very being then you're probably going to have the most horrendous time trying to get it.

I liken it to climbing Everest (not that I actually have you understand). Look at what those few people who make it to the top have to go through to get there; all of the unimaginable obstacles both mental and physical they have to overcome. But then, when they finally make it, after all the anguish...

Alex and Allyson Grey's Psychedelic Families lecture
March 23, 2008 Congress Center of Basel, Switzerland

Idea of "Father Knows Best" ideal American family from early-mid 1900s
-Personal history- No discussion of drugs with parents, but often surrounded by alcohol, tobacco, legal/prescription drug use, although problem use is veiled or not discussed, it is in the background

Images- Ozzy and Harriet (ideal of mom/dad/teens, happy together) vs. Ozzy Osbourne and family- both are "together" families that have caring/loving but appear very different

Consistent mischaracterization of the marijuana issue often at the root of the...

The Drug Price Calculator
After DFers voiced their curiosity about the drug price calculator, I realized that this would be the perfect opportunity to use my blog. For the first entry I think it would be appropriate to give a quick history and overview about what is going on.

What's the deal?
Many DFers are elated to find that this site has a "Drug Price Index" (though some don't even notice it... no comment). Understandably, they are eager to explore what it can do, but they ultimately encounter an error message and/or unexpected functioning. Since late last year, this appears to have been the case; this missing functionality is, or will be, the drug...

Her First Love (by Beena)

Baby, when will you learn,
That the crack you burn,
Only leads to pipe dreams
And nefarious schemes

Left-wing student utopia,
Became self-destruct dystopia,
Big city lights and a future so bright
Now lay in waste

First came the highs
Then came the cries
A ten pound deal
Preferred to a meal

Languid inanition
Replaced real ambition
Days spent chasing, living room pacing
After her first pipe

Forty pounds for a quarter,
A bottle of water,
Tinfoil and ash
Was her day to day stash

Intense...

There is a strange tendency that many people have, often academics, to reduce or simplify the workings of plants to one of it's major constituents, while ignoring the role that other constituents play. You will find such discussion on many psychoactive plants. Yohimbe and St. Johnswort are good examples of this.

But when a plant is looked at more deeper (mostly when a plant is very interesting and widely used) it often turns out that effects are caused by a less simplistic cause: a wide array of major and minor constituents.

Because many strong psychoactive kratom alkaloids have become commercially available and because of research; we now know that there are many...

As some of you may know from reading this blog perhaps and the threads i've posted (on behalf of SWIM), on the forum my friend SWIM is trying to get off crack-cocaine and heroin....She finally made some progress by making it down to the local drop-in clinic and seeing a councellor who is arranging for SWIM to get a methadone script next Tuesday.
Although that is only a week away and doesn't seem like a particularly long time, those of SWIY's who've experienced addiction will know that a week can seem like forever....especially when you're skint.
SWIM had a fair old wad of money on Wednesday and had to make a decision. With no funds comming for another ten days she could either split...

Just wanted to update everyone on what is happening with me.. apologies for not having been around too much this summer, I am doing my best to help out here and there but have been unable to do as much as I would like.

I found out in mid-June that I am expecting. This will be my first child. The pregnancy was unplanned but is welcomed as a blessing and celebration of life. I consider it an honor to have the experience of helping to create a new life.

I have been very physically ill due to the pregnancy, and have had to be hospitalized a few times due to excessive vomiting and dehydration (hyperemesis gravidarum). I am on an anti-emetic (ondansetron, or Zofran) which...

Lip Service
(Or a Failed Attempt To Think of Something Other Than You)

The Scene does its best to impress: sunlight angles down
And to the left, just so, coaxing a neon moss colored glow
From the surface of the small lake resting like a green broken egg
Beneath a wreath of trees and grey rock outcropping;

The patch of sky exposed to my eyes is blue, then white,
Blue, then white, then blue again as the wind, like some furious djin,
Expands its chest, extends its breath, pushes the clouds fast
By the mountains patient head;

Huddled below at the humus feet of coniferous spires
...

worlds worst buddhist

Eyes fixed but unfocused, a mantram pulsing through his head--weaving a vibrational flux to act like a pendulum of attraction on the electro-chemical waters of his brain; singing into being a scaffolding of dissociation.

Sinew and bone begin to melt into a quantum foam of probabilistic non locality.

Sounds of people talking and laughing are left to bleed into the sky, belonging no longer to the corrugated cartilage and tiny bones that catch and coax them into coherence.

Dimensionality begins to collapse, leaving the tapestry...

[CENTER][COLOR=black]Colors = set of rhymes.[/COLOR]
check it out

this life of [COLOR=red]sinning[/COLOR]
come close to [COLOR=red]ending[/COLOR]
my [COLOR=blue]thoughts[/COLOR] are [COLOR=red]bending[/COLOR]
reality till im [COLOR=blue]lost[/COLOR] and [COLOR=red]cringing[/COLOR]
[COLOR=darkorange]suicide[/COLOR], [COLOR=seagreen]seperation[/COLOR]
[COLOR=darkorange]inside [/COLOR]is [COLOR=seagreen]frustration[/COLOR]
no [COLOR=darkorange]ties[/COLOR] or [COLOR=seagreen]relation[/COLOR]
is my [COLOR=darkorange]life [/COLOR]just a [COLOR=seagreen]wastin[/COLOR]
each [COLOR=darkorange]time[/COLOR] that im [COLOR=seagreen]facin[/COLOR]...

I want to talk to you about one of the deadliest killers in the world today. I had a dream the other night. I was sitting in my living room, dosed off to sleep and so I started dreaming........
I dreamed I walked in a place and saw a real strange, weird object standing up talking to people. I found that it was heroin that deadly drug that go in your veins. He said..................
"I came to this country without a passport. ever since then I've been hunted and sought. My little white grains are nothing but waste. Sordid deadly and bitter to taste.
Well I'm a world power and although its true
Try me once and you'll know it too.
I can make a mere schoolboy forget...

1.0 Introduction
My monkey has noticed a remission of bipolar symptoms since beginning experimentation with salvia around two weeks ago. This blog will be a log of his observations to determine whether the plant is responsible for this remission, contemplations on the potential reasons for such an effect, and general thoughts on the matter.

2.0 Case History.
Subject began showing symptoms at around the age of 16 with mood swings, grandiose thinking, and other typical bipolar trademarks. The disorder reached it's fruition when subject was 22 years old. He had a complete breakdown, which he does not remember very well. He came to believe that he was the devil and that...

[top]Stuck on the conveyor belt

Repetition that’s the life of an addict
Abandoned, neglected no-one cares
He walks down the street trying to avoid the stares
That is the life of an addict

Dirty smackhead that’s all you see
Observe me and walk right past me
Track marks there for all to see
That is the life of an addict

Stuck on the conveyor belt, dragged along
Stealing and cheating, I know its wrong
But the heroin’s took hold, I’ll soon be gone
That is the life of an addict

A wanderer lost with piercing eyes
A life filled with lots of whys
He...

Enjoy

[top]Stuck on the conveyor belt

Repetition that’s the life of an addict
Abandoned, neglected no-one cares
He walks down the street trying to avoid the stares
That is the life of an addict

Dirty smackhead that’s all you see
A loner filled with vacancy
Track marks there for all to see
That is the life of an addict

Stuck on the conveyor belt, dragged along
Stealing and cheating, he knows it’s wrong
But the heroin’s took hold, He’ll soon be gone
That is the life of an addict

A wanderer lost with piercing eyes
A life filled with lots of whys
He cannot answer so he...

the following is the story of one of the girls i went to school with at mountain park baptist boarding school and academy. don't let the name fool you: these people were masters of insidious abuse and had no qualms about keeping almost 200 girls from ages 12 to 17 on thorazine to maintain control of an understaffed "school" that was really just a money-making scheme, as in, tuition checks were made as donations to the churchand therefore non-taxable. they have been run out of mississippi, louisiana, missourri and florida on child abuse allegations. anyway, here is becky's story:


I don't remember much, having blocked a lot out and from the effects of the thorazine,...

This was written for a mythology class. We had to tell a myth from our culture, so I felt the need to represent the drug culture. I'd like to thank Dale Pendell for the basic outline of the story, upon which I expanded and colored in utilizind various elements of the Huichol Peyote rituals. This is of course an oral tale and I feel that the transcription looses something, there's some awkward grammar here and there, but that works out with the right inflections and tone. One of these days I'll illustrate it and make a little book.



A woman had fallen behind the rest of her band, exhausted. Having no strength left, no food, she thought she would surely die. She...

This is the last poem swim wife had published before her MS took her pen away.

People speak in irony every day
or maybe just opposites...maybe lies
they say they love you
with contempt in their eyes
and they smile at you

Children play in the streets
and they look so innocent, untouched
by sorrow
it's a shame they have to grow up to
worry about tomorrow
if there is one

History is destined to repeat itself
so it seems
ghosts from the past haunt you in
your dreams every night
and you wake up screaming.

Swim has not succeeded in coming off amphetamines; ..............

swim cannot get past the withdrawal symptoms and is not strong enough to do it.

Swim had taken all the supplements and vitamins, eaten well and tried to function with the symptoms but swim failed.

Swim cannot cope with the low mood due to suffering anxiety and depression in the past and is still suffering anxiety the feelings are to overwhelming.

Swim really does not know what the future holds as swim feels there is no way out

Swim lives with parents so cannot spend days in bed and has to try to function as normal to get on with daily work.

How...

Thrown it all away
A bag to calm me
No longer works
I'm wasting away
Stripped of everything
I am slowly decaying
What will be left when you are done?
My soul is in tatters
Morpheus relinquish your grip
I am fading, slowly withering away
I'm a broken shell of a human
No life left to waste
One more hit won't hurt though
Will it?

The Beast - you will never get Red Rock again

The Beast

Hello old friend,

I've come to visit you once again. I love to see you sufer mentally, spiritually, and socially. I want to make you restless so you can never relax. I want you to be jumpy, nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable.I want you to be confused and depressed, so that you can't think clearly and positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody, especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the things you have done in the past, that you will never be able to let go of. I want to make...

So - SWIM has recently been on a precipice - he transitioned into a new job. One where he has ample time to himself.

A few months ago, prior to the change-over - SWIM burned some Kratom at work. It was dangerous-feeling, exciting, fun, and surprisingly easy to pull off. His co-workers didn't notice at all.

So he started to push the boundaries - he'd crush up two ritalin pills and snort the powder in fat rails in the bathroom. He'd take kratom caps at lunch. He never got TOO high. Never REALLY risked discovery - but there was a thrill to the idea of not just sitting at his desk and mindlessly waiting for the day to be over.

Then the new job...

We are what we feel (Or is that *who* we feel Arf! Arf! etc. etc.).

Did you ever wonder why, when asking somebody what music they are into, you feel compelled to say "no, I asked what music you are into, not what music you like to hear in the shopping mall".

But then this does raise the spectre of trying to actually define the validity of what we feel from music. In fact what, how and, indeed, why we feel, full stop.

The right artist, the right album or, for that matter, the right chord in a particular bar of a song can elicit a powerful response in the listener.

People (naughty, naughty, people), take drugs in order to feel something....