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Chamomile and Valerian Root

Posted 13-07-2014 at 06:28 by kcha95

I have to say, these supplements have been a God-send.

Chamomile is a daisy-like plants, often used in herbal supplements to produce stress relief and sleepiness. It is often used for anxiety relief, and other anxiety related issues.

Valerian root is an herbal supplement created from the flowering valerian plant. It is commonly used for insomnia and other sleep disorders. Valerian root also offers many anxiety and stress relief benefits.

In combination these supplements have really helped to relieve lingering anxiety from my withdrawls. The valerian root has really come in handy for my insomnia, and sleep anxiety. I purchased the chamomile as a tincture, and the vlaerian root in capsules.

Both of these supplements are natural and completely legal. I highly suggest them to anyone is a...
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Recovery

Posted 12-07-2014 at 19:42 by AllAroundTheLight

I find myself at a crossroad intersection in my life. What's strange is that it feels so vague and undefined. I know I'm at some sort of crossroad, but I'm frozen a bit at the thought that there are infinitely many different paths that diverge from here. I wish I could see it as 2 more easily. Perhaps that's where having faith comes in. I guess I can have "faith" that 2 "sets" of paths are available to me to explore.

One involves drugs (of abuse) and alcohol. The other set of paths don't. Throughout the last 5-6 formative years of my life, drugs have settled into my life, quite (uncomfortabley) comfortable at times! I won't go through how and why it is so easy for me to say that the drugs haven't gotten in the way of success.

I think success is relative not only to where the individual begins,...
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Second round of symptoms..?

Posted 09-07-2014 at 09:03 by kcha95

It seems that I've been experiencing a second round of WD symptoms for the past few days, both psychological and physical. Vomiting, diaherra, nausea. Insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, anger. But, how can this be? I have been completely clean since the 26th of June now, and my symptoms had seemed to disappear.

I'm confused to say the least. But regardless, I'll keep moving on. If anything this is jsut another step in my recovery process.

I never picked up my script, and am now unable to do so. I'm not worries about this, I have my own strategies to cope with panic attacks. It's probably best that they aren't around anyways.
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What An Ass!

Posted 06-07-2014 at 21:41 by St Dismas Novitiate (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)

Horses, donkeys, and mules are similar, related animals. The biggest differences are in the number of chromosomes. Horses have 64 chromosomes, while donkeys have 62. When they mate, they produce mules or hinnies, which have 63 chromosomes. A mule is the offspring of a mare (female horse) and a jack, or male donkey. The offspring from male horses (stallions) and female donkeys (jinnets) are called hinnies. Most people just lump jinnies and mules together and refer to them as mules, which is what we will do here.

Mules are hybrids, each having one donkey and one horse parent. They can be male or female, but cannot reproduce because of the odd number of chromosomes. Very rarely (like 1 in a million), female donkeys have given birth, but no male mule has ever been known to sire one.. Male mules actually need to be gelded or castrated...
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Why We Love Children

Posted 06-07-2014 at 19:45 by St Dismas Novitiate (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher that he had found a dead cat.

"How do you know it was dead?" she asked.

The boy said "I pissed in its ear and it didn't move"

"YOU DID WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in shock.

"You know" said the boy, "I leaned over and went "pssst" and it didn't move!

2. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into heaven?"

The boy thought it over for a minute and replied, "Well, I'll just run in and out of the door until Saint Peter says, "For Heaven's sake Dylan, either come in or stay out!"

3. One summer evening during an intense thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her son...
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Inventions That We Need

Posted 06-07-2014 at 19:13 by St Dismas Novitiate (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)
Updated 14-07-2014 at 23:37 by St Dismas Novitiate

TRANSMOGRIFIER-An invention of Calvin's that would turn one thing into another. Like many of his early inventions, this one was made from a cardboard box, although a later portable model was made from a water gun. The Transmogrifier first appeared on March 23, 1987.

Trivia about the Transmogrifier.....

1. It must be turned upside-down to work.

2. Only Calvin and Hobbes can see their Transmogrification, everyone else sees them in their normal form.

3. Calvin's dream was to get Suzy to enter the transmogrifier so he could turn her into a bowl of chowder.

4. The Transmogrifier is one of the three most complicated inventions, with the other two being the Cerebral Enhance-O-Tron and the Transmogrifier Gun.

5. The only...
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1 week benzo free

Posted 03-07-2014 at 07:58 by kcha95

Today is the end of my first week of no benzos.

The symptoms are coming to a halt and I'm starting to feel "normal" again. Not only am I beginning to feel normal, but even better than normal.

I'm glad to have made it this far, and will not be going through WD for a third time. I have yet to pick up my script, although I am still going to go with my original plan, mentioned in my last post.
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Went Cold Turkey

Posted 28-06-2014 at 06:54 by kcha95

Haven't updated in a while, same old. Some WD symptoms but nothing major; surprisingly.

I ended up using the rest of my Xanax before I should have. Today is my second day cold turkey and all is well so far. I'm noticing WD symptoms coming back gradually, but nothing I can't handle.

I won't need my script, as I'm going to just stick with this taper. I decided that I will pick it up, and keep 1 pill in my night stand in case of a panic attack. The rest will be given to my girlfriend, who will hold them for me in a safe spot where I cannot access them. I think this is a good strategy as I know it is still there in case, but I won't have access to them unless my girlfriend says it's okay.

My sleep schedule is terrible.. It's been a long few weeks.
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Not bad..

Posted 22-06-2014 at 06:18 by kcha95

Wasn't able to post yesterday, but not much has changed in the last 48 hours. Honestly the days seem to get longer, and merge together.

The physical and psychological symptoms are the same as previously mentioned. Although, they seem to be less severe and less frequent as of lately.

I've been distracting myself by spending time with my friends and family, even though it's hard at times. I recently picked up an OTC sleep aid from my local pharmacy which, to my surprise, has really helped fight off the insomnia.

Overall I have been feeling a lot better the past 2 or so days. I feel like the majority of my symptoms are all mental, and I am addressing them as such. All current sources have turned up dry, but I'm confident that I will make it to the 1st, even if I have to go cold turkey for a few days....
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The Annual Shin Dig

Posted 21-06-2014 at 07:56 by Cattle-n-HorseRancher

Howdy Howdy, I just noticed how long its been since I've had time to sit for a spell and write in this diary. Oh, excuse me, the blog. In my day it was a journal, then a diary and now the modern version is a blog. Blog sounds funny to me for some reason. I wonder who started calling it that.
Getting ready to have our yearly shin dig for the fourth of July week. Everybody around the mountains near by come to it. We have a barn dance every night all weekend with some of the best bluegrass music in these parts. I play the fiddle some and the dulcimer but not like these fellers who can whoop it up and the do the calls for the square dancing. The BBQ we have all day everyday, so today was spent getting the pits done for the steers and pigs. Mrs. A and me have done the porches and barn walls in red white and blue streamers and there is
...
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Same old..

Posted 20-06-2014 at 06:01 by kcha95

Not much has changed since the last day. Today I generally had all the same symptoms as the previous day. However, I was able to get more than a few hours sleep last night, which was truly a miracle.

The dissociation and confusion were the worst today. At times I almost feel as if I am on a DXM trip.

At one point I seriously considered heading to the ER or some sort of treatment center. But I made it through the day. The last benzo I had was .25mg Klonopin 6/19 at 11:30pm.
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Feeling sick

Posted 19-06-2014 at 05:13 by kcha95

Today is day 3 of my low dose taper. The WD symptoms are definitely starting to show more each day.

I was able to get 2 hours of sleep last night. Still not much, but it beats 0 hours, like the previous night.

My physical symptoms currently include fatigue, nausea, stomach pains, diarrhea, headaches, body aches, and dry mouth. I'm managing. Today I had a few beers and smoked some weed to relieve my physical symptoms. However, I don't like the idea of using other substances to relieve WD; but it seems like my only option. I'm losing weight already. I'd imagine this is from a combination of sweating and no appetite. The nausea has caused me to dry heave and gag, but no vomiting yet. I'm mostly focused on staying hydrated and getting proper sleep right now.

The psychological symptoms are just as bad....
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Another day

Posted 18-06-2014 at 05:40 by kcha95

I am still continuing on my .25mg once daily taper. The last benzo I used was .25mg Klonopin on 6/17, around 11:30pm.

Still no word from any sources, but I am hoping to obtain benzos to increase my taper dosage; as .25mg is far too low and I do not have enough to last me until my new script.

I was able to find 1 x .5mg Klonopin in my dresser, which I split in half, buying me two more days.

I am just starting to notice the WD symptoms today. I currently haven't slept in 36+ hours.. Eating is becoming a problem due to the nausea, although no vomiting yet. My anxiety has peaked, and I am nervous to know what will happen if I don't find a source.

I am not a big pot smoker but my friend suggested I smoke to reduce my symptoms, and I'll admit, it worked wonders. Although I do not like the idea...
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Benzos, Tapering and Withdrawls

Posted 17-06-2014 at 09:49 by kcha95

I have just recently come to the conclusion that I have a problem with benzos.

To make a long story short; I love benzos.

About 6 months ago my doctor prescribed me 1mg Ativan for panic attacks. I was already familiar with Ativan and had been using it, along with other benzos, for sometime. My doctor did not keep a close watch and I was easily able to abuse these. Some of my more severe attacks landed me in the hospital, where they would also give me a small additional script. When my scripts were low I was able get Ativan and other benzos such as Xanax and Klonopin through my own means.

Eventually they suggested I try 1mg Klonopin. Of course I ended up abusing these too.

I am currently tapering off Klonopin, doctor's orders. They told me to drop to .5mg for 4 weeks, then .25mg...
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Moments In Time

Posted 13-06-2014 at 19:56 by St Dismas Novitiate (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)

-On 14 June 1789, English captain William Bligh and 18 others, cast adrift in a lifeboat from the HMS Bounty in a mutiny 7 weeks before, reach Timor in the East Indies after traveling nearly 4000 miles in the small open boat.
Captain Bligh would fall prey to a total of three mutinies in his career.

-On 13 June 1895, Emile Levassor drives a Panhard et Levassor across the finish line in Paris, to win the worlds first automobile race. He completed the 732 mile course in 49 hours-an average of 15 miles an hour.
His car was powered by a two-cylinder, 750 RPM, 4 horsepower Daimler Phoenix engine.

-On 15 June 1904, morte than 1000 people taking a pleasure trip on New York City's East River are drowned or burned alive as a fire sweeps through the boat and the on-board fire hose did not work.
The life...
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Six Stupid Things You Think About Yourself

Posted 13-06-2014 at 19:31 by St Dismas Novitiate (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)

The stupid things you think about yourself pollute your mind, limit your achievements, and corrupt your confidence. For some reason, the loudest voice you hear, the one that speaks with the most authority and does the most harm is not your mothers voice.....it is your own.

STUPID THING #1-The Perfection Deception
It goes something like this, "if my performance is not perfect, I am a total failure." You relive each and every performance and brood over all of the ways you screwed up, and in the process, beat the life out of yourself for not being perfect.

You are not perfect, so get over it.

STUPID THING #2-The Mini-Maxi Mistake
This is when you maximize the bad things that happen while, at the same time, you minimize the good things which happen. It is as if the good things you have...
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Decisions

Posted 10-06-2014 at 17:23 by St Dismas Novitiate (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)

I am thinking about leaving the forum. I have not yet decided completely though. The original reason I joined has been left far, far behind, never to rear its ugly head again. And while I would like to think that I have been able to offer some small contributions over the years, I have been questioning the usefulness of those contributions lately.

I feel as if I no longer have anything worthwhile to contribute. My experiences are not unique, countless members here have had the same or similar things happen. The information I have to offer can be found in a number of other places, or even through other members, such as Al-k-mist and others here.

Should I leave while I am at the top of my game, or hang around like an old relic, until I drift off into obscurity? Maybe go the way of midget porn and the Blood Ninja.....only...
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Wild Turkey, Two Deer And A Lone Wolf

Posted 09-06-2014 at 17:47 by Cattle-n-HorseRancher

Howdy, have been up in the mountains for a spell, camping on the ridge that overlooks miles of nothing but more mountains. Its a peaceful place and I can watch the hawks fly close.
Saddled up my horse and my pack mule Shotgun and made a tepee shelter out of branches from various trees laying around. If you haven't done this you really should consider doing this as it is exhilarating to know your ancestors did the same thing long ago. I really think I was born a couple centuries to late, as for some reason me and the modern world don't get along to well. Everybody seems to be in one gigantic hurry now a days. For what, I don't know.
I bathed in a creek with a small waterfall near by. Two deer and a wild turkey were within yards of me drinking and paid no attention to the fact me and Shiloh were in the area. I sat in the water
...
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Joy, Happiness, and Laughter....It 's All In The Comic Strips!

Posted 08-06-2014 at 20:47 by St Dismas Novitiate (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)

All too often, we think that these three things equate to the same thing. But this is far from true! For instance, I have not really experienced joy, except for perhaps a few times in my entire life.

And happiness? It comes fewer and farther between these days, often with considerable time periods between occasions.

Laughter? Well, it is not really strictly related to either one of these two, as you can laugh at someones sadness or pain, at unfairness or injustice, or a myriad of other subjects.

But regardless of my mood, despite my troubles, no matter the darkness in my life or the gloominess of the world, there are two consistent things that make me not only happy, but also makes me laugh my fucking ASS off.

One of these is watching the dog wipe its butt on a rug. Now, I really do not...
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What The?

Posted 04-06-2014 at 11:27 by Baphomet13

Stalking a guy via texts all nites.
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3:00 a.m.

Posted 01-06-2014 at 08:20 by Cattle-n-HorseRancher


Good Mornin', time to rise and shine and get breakfast started. Life continues on and I made it thru the night and slept pretty good all things considering. The coffee smells wonderful thru the house and just got back in from the smoke house with a big ole slab of hickory smoked bacon to fry up.
I may even take my minnow bucket down to the creek and set it up to go fishing today. Nothing like a big skillet full of trout or catfish. Yum Yum.
Tomorrow I've got jelly to can up. I make violet jelly and sassafras jelly this time of year and most of it I give out to the neighbors down in the holler but enjoy making it and I love to give things to others so its me who really gets the blessings from all that work.
Try to concentrate on giving to others. You'd be surprised on how many out there near you really need your...
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What a deal!

Posted 29-05-2014 at 02:19 by St Dismas Novitiate (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)

So, my youngest daughter is ready for her first car. She has been saving her money, and I told her that I would match anything she could put together. Well, this past Saturday, it was time. We went to the family of car dealers I have been using since 2007 and picked out a 2009 Jeep Liberty for her While I am waiting for the salesman to get there for my 7:00 AM appointment, I am listening to the radio and I hear them advertising their memorial day sale-first person in the door who asks for a car for one dollar gets it.

So I asked. And I got it! A 1999 Chevy Cavalier, it has a straight body, no rust or dents/dings, interior is good, it just has 197,000 miles on it. But it only cost a dollar! Well, a dollar and six cents, because I had to pay tax.

I'm driving this thing home, and the engine light comes on. No big deal,...
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Visualization: Easier Than Breathing

Posted 24-05-2014 at 08:13 by bhonkers



What are you seeing right now? Are you seeing reality or are you actually constructing the visual sensory information inside your mind?

It's obvious that light coming into the eye generates electrical impulses that travel to the brain.

Then the brain and it's very skilled creative visual parts make sense of the incoming signals and form what you are now seeing at this moment as you look at the screen reading these words. If you focus on the finer details such as the accurate shapes of each letter noticing each alteration as it curves and connects with lines and so on.

This is all a hallucination! A construct of the mind as a best guess to help navigate the outside world safely.

What does this mean? It means you are as...
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Loss

Posted 22-05-2014 at 02:59 by St Dismas Novitiate (The Frying Pan-Things Always Get Hot In Here!)
Updated 22-05-2014 at 23:56 by St Dismas Novitiate

Have you recently lost someone? A friend, relative, or even a pet? Feel free to express that loss here. I just lost my kitten, and it kills me.

"I wish that
in this twisted land
there existed a prayer
as solid as my disbelief,
or, failing that,
as solid as my uncertainty.

For I look to the heavens
from whence come no aid;
My gods? Not divine, for they are made.
Made of Man, made of fire, filled with salt.

My eyes are as a single star, long since set.
I do not praise the lame or halt.
I judge not, nor will I ever forget."


Or here is another one:

"Ashes to ashes
and dust to dust
will not bring back the Dance,
nor the Dancer.
Chaos to order, and back to the flame
...
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Don't Read This: Using Negation In Positive New Ways

Posted 18-05-2014 at 00:18 by bhonkers
Updated 18-05-2014 at 02:16 by bhonkers



Don't think of a pet...

Don't think of that pet...

Don't think of any pet...

Don't under any circumstances bring to mind a pet...

Don't do it or you'll think of a pet.

Saying this to someone and giving them the time to process the instruction will have the person think of a pet from their life experience. Even if they've never owned a pet the word is vague enough for them to find some kind of way of attaching some arbitrary animal that is most likely a dog or cat and maybe someone else's who they recall or even make up to fill the gaps. This is because in order to understand the statements the person has to know what not to do in order to not do it. You may have thought of a pet yourself.

This...
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