View Full Version : looking for advice on alcoholism
I'm 23 years old and have a brother who is 20. we have both left home.
my mum is still with my dad and is having some real problems with his drinking. it started about 3 years ago he was off work for about a year in 2 years sorta 6 months on 6 months off, due to stress, high blood pressure etc. now he has always liked his wiskey but never before 5pm, but being off work in my opinion slowly led to bordom and possibly mild depression (in my opinion, I'm not a shrink) and so the drinking got earlier and earlier. until he went back to work. 6mths later back off work again due to the stress and back on the drink. we all thought it had stopped when he went back to work but found that he was coming home on his lunch hour and having a large one. my dad is a small bloke less that 5'6" and must weigh about 8 stone max, so that one drink goes a long way. 6mths later he was made redundant, 40 years service in the same job.
Obviously we understand that it must be hell going from working a 40 hr week to nothing at all. but the drinking has become worse and he is driving under the influence with his new grand daughter in the car. he's also not eating and loses entire days. please help, we just don't know what to do
Hi mate. I am recovering from a drink problem myself
Does your father think that he has a drink problem?
There will be groups in your area (unless you live somewhere very remote) which are dedicated to supporting people with drink problems. Often you can find info about these groups on the internet, or your GP may know of some, or indeed you can often find leaflets in your doctor's surgery
Talking of your doctor, or rather your father's doctor, he will need to be made aware of the situation. Particularly if your father decides he does want to quit. If he is drinking heavily every day then stopping the drink suddenly can be dangerous. His doctor will be able to give him medication to help with this and make the process a little easier (and believe me every little helps)
It is also possible that your father may be referred by his GP to a mental health professional, some of these guys have had a lot of experience treating people with drink problems, though as with any profession you will get some who are great and some who are not so great
There are some books available on how to overcome problem drinking (of widely varying quality). Does your father read much?
You must confront your dad about this before it gets worse and it will get
worse if you don't. My dad ruined everything he had though drink lost his marriage and his kids because it became unbearable for my mum i wish i'd told him how much it was hurt watching him ruining him self(towards the end he was drinking a over a liter of wiskey a day but i was of a two young age to realize what was going on he lives in Australia now and we havent seen him for 18 years. you and your mum need to sit him down and really express your worries hope things work out well for you and your family p.s if he says he will quit drinking keep a close eye on things alcoholics are very good liers
Some good advice- people will not change unless they want to, but there are things you can do. Make him aware that you think there is a problem- assertively, but don't make accusations or he will get defensive- best to let him know in the context of love and concern. And doing what you can to minimize harm until he gets help- let his doc know to check in with him and so he is aware when prescribing meds, help ensure that safe rides are arranged for the grandchild if possible, etc.
I have had family members with substance abuse problems, and also been the one hurting my family, so I know both sides of that coin. It bothers me to think about what I have put them through, and it is still hard two years later to deal with my mom, as she still resents me for what happened. I wish she would have listened to the advise given to seek help for herself during those years- but she was too proud and too angry. I am not proud of hurting my family, but now i am at a point where I realize that I have done my part and cleaned up my mess, and apologized- I can't do anything more than that at this point but to go on with my life and not screw it up.
It's true when they say that addiction is a family condition, and everyone needs help and support. There are meetings like Al-Anon, for parents and adult children of alcoholics, and likely church based and secular support groups for such situations, as well as counselors- please seek something out, even if all you can do at this point is find one other person who has been through this situation to talk to- it helps so much to have a place to deal with your own emotions as well as get advice from others who have been there. I am still hurt from a lot of the things my brother did to me while desperate and addicted to heroin, like stealing and lying- that hurts. But I also know that it was not him, it was the addiction. I wish my family could separate my from my past and my issues, but I am unsure my mom ever will. So do what you can for your dad, but also realize it is ultimately up to him, and don't go so far as to neglect your own needs while trying to solve the problem. It is a rough position for anyone to be in, but especially with family- it may be a long process, but do what you can and express support. I hope things turn out well.