Recovery and dealing with a family member that's still using over the holidays

[Fight Club]

Hi all - NIK has been in recovery from cocaine addiction for 21 months, and has a brother who is an active meth addict (he "graduated" from crack to meth about 4 years ago).

He has been invited to NIK's house for a family get together this Saturday (with NIK's father and his wife), and for Christmas Eve dinner (with NIK's mother).

NIK is aware of a week-long run his brother was on early in November, and since that time, his brother has refused to accept or return phone calls and emails.

NIK and his brother have prior business dealings as well, and the brother has been unresponsive to NIK's pleadings for business information (the IRS is getting inpatient with NIK at this point).

Here is the dillema: NIK remebers what active addiction is like, and doesn't want to cut off contact with his brother because of his current status. On the other hand, NIK struggles with the anxiety produced by drama and tension in his life, especially over the holidays, and is concerned about the effect of his brother showing up, or not, high, or not will have on his own serenity and sobriety.

His brother works, and is still functional; NIK is not worried about him stealing shit, or anything like that. He is most concerned about his brother's addictive behavior and lifestyle "rubbing off" on him post-holidays.

So here's the question - does he cut this guy (and his family) out of his life until he gets better (he's been in and out of recovery for 25 years), or does he welcome him into his home (if he shows up) and try to be civil, warm and friendly, irrespective of the drama and tension that comes with him?

Thanks in advance for your advice.

FC

[Fight Club]

Bump. Anybody?

[savingJenniB]

"Since compassion and a good heart are developed through constant and conscious effort, it is important for us first to identify the favorable conditions that give rise to our own qualities of kindness and then to identify the adverse circumstances that obstruct our cultivation of these positive states of mind. . . . . Our mastery of mindfulness should be such that whenever a new situation arises, we are able to immediately recognize whether the circumstances are favorable or adverse to the development of compassion and a good heart. By pursuing the practice of compassion in such a manner, we will gradually be able to alleviate the effects of the obstructive forces and enhance the conditions that favor the development of compassion and a good heart." ---- Dalai Lama

May your bump be vitamins Fight Club ~ Don't let your brother push your buttons. Take three deep breaths and the sing a mantra. During the holidays & especially around siblings I find the Alvin & Chipmunks Song highly effective:
Christmas Christmas time is here
Time for toys
And time for beer

Good luck!