Need advice

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Hi, lately i have been feeling that the use is starting to get out of control. Lately I've been more and more money on them, I have a job.. but i don't know how long I'm able to keep it, nobody suspects anything.. but i just got this feeling that its not gonna last forever.

I live a double life, and now i spend nearly all my spare time hanging with addicts, in stead of my childhood friends..

The reason i feel the use is getting out of hand is that i just realized that i have only gone a few days without being under the influence of drugs, and i don't like my personality when I'm not on drugs anymore.. My tolerance is also quite much higher than it was just half a year ago, and I caught myself planning when to sleep so that i can get more drugs as soon as possible, so i don't have to deal with the hangover. (I'm not usually like this) But suddenly most things are changed.

I also took the Addiction calculator, and got "High substance abuse and dependence" Which cant be a good sign.

I don't really have anyone to talk to.. I want to have the use under control again, but I don't think I'm ready to quit..


Anyone been going through this?
any comments appreciated

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"Lately I've been spending more and more money on them" it was supposed to be.

My grammar is usually quite good, please excuse me for the parts you don't understand, its just that I'm extremely tired right now.. I barely managed to read through what i wrote

[screener]

Damn, can any moderator edit the text for SWIM?

[DRUFFonSCHRANZ]

SWIM can't really help SWIY because he had the same Problem a few years ago! And he just stopped when he got into prison for one year! Then he did a therapie for about 10 months and after he finished it he started taking drugs again! So the problem is not away for SWIM too! But SWIM can handle it better now so that he doesn't loose control any more! SWIM thinks it depends on the kind of the substances one takes! What is SWIY's main substance?

[FrenchFries]

SWIY has admitted he's got a problem, so that's good. SWIY still has enough of a soul left to be honest with himself. SWIY is also right about the job thing not lasting forever, eventually he will have to show up to work on a come down or not have enough dope to get high for the whole day and things will basically just fall apart from there. Or maybe SWIY will be crashing out from a binge, that didn't work out to be a full blown binge because his tolerance is too damn high, and now his body is going to make him sleep since he can't do enough stuff to get high. Maybe SWIY will keep his job just to pay for the drugs, but lose everything else. These things happen to addicts, this isn't scare mongering it's reality. Now in the likely event that SWIY is a poly-substance abuser, who doesn't want to quit, one thing SWIM has seen a lot of ex-coke heads and xtc users do is switch over to simply using cannabis and alcohol, like if their dealer get's busted (it's the only way some people can stop) or they burn all their bridges and no one will talk to them. Eventually, if SWIY is hanging out with addicts they are going to try and fuck him over for money or drugs, maybe both. SWIM knows, SWIM can tell you he's done it and had it done to him. The hard thing about knowing there's a need to quit, is that often times the incentive to do it doesn't seem too great. Life off drugs for SWIM is not like being on them, it's laid back kind of slow it can be overwhelming at times if there are a lot of issues at once, but SWIM thinks it's better not being doped up all the time now. The thing is though, is that SWIY say's he's not ready.

QUOTE
I don't really have anyone to talk to.. I want to have the use under control again, but I don't think I'm ready to quit..
END QUOTE

Well, at least SWIY is honest about who needs the help. Here's the thing, SWIY needs to ask himself what he is using the stuff for. Is SWIY needing it to work extra shifts? Does SWIY need to stay up late to study, or is SWIY using it for a special occassion?

QUOTE
I caught myself planning when to sleep so that i can get more drugs as soon as possible, so i don't have to deal with the hangover. (I'm not usually like this) But suddenly most things are changed.
END QUOTE

QUOTE
i have only gone a few days without being under the influence of drugs, and i don't like my personality when I'm not on drugs anymore..
END QUOTE

Okay, well based on these 2 statements, SWIY is using the drugs to (a)avoid comming down off the drugs. and (b)to change his personality. Looking at SWIY's reasons for using as they have been presented one thing is clear. This cycle will not end, SWIY can not escape his personality it's part of who he is and if trying to change it with drugs is the reason for using them, then the usage will never stop. You are who you are. Also, acquiring more drugs to avoid comming down is another sure fire way to lock oneself into the cycle of addiction. A come down is the bodies chemistry returning to normal after being completely exhausted, covering up those bad feelings with more chemicals is just making it worse in the long run. Also, the crash is inevitable, using for this reason is another excellent way to get entrenched into addictive behavior. SWIY may just need to quit altogether to make his problems go away, but then again

having a drug addiction is like having sex with a gorilla, your done when the gorilla is done.

[jerbles]

what drug(s) is swiy talking about exactly?

Every drug has a different effect (or at least every drug category), which results in different problems, although generally, the same outcome.