morphine addiction- please help before my life goes down the shitter

[rob42853]

swim finnished swims bupranorphine course two weeks ago went from 6mg a day down to 3mg then jumped off, before that swim was on 32mg max dose alloud here for 12 months, about two weeks ago was swims last dose, the dickhead doctores down here in my lovly very small town are assholes swim was on 6mg of bupranorphine for the last sixteen months then they kiked me of arfter i had a verbal fight with me ex prosistute junky slut of a counceler where she was totaly in the worng but put the blame on swim the junky scum and now my life is going to the gutter again cence they kicked me off the program over the last few weeks, the next day swim had allready got into a 60mg ms contin habbit and now a week later swim on $60 dollars a day for 4 20mg kappanols (morphine sulphate) injecting them but swim is trying to spread it out, but im going down a horrible road to hell and if the dickhead docters wont help there going to have a 6'5' 120kgs roided up freak sico dickhead- swim on there scrauney boddys and swim will punch there heads into pulp, then fill my own scripts swim is going to try get back on the program but they last time swim talk to one of these dickhead docters they said if i come back they would put me on methodone or send me to rehab but swim cannot go to rehab my oldies think im an angel and i dont wont to put them through the pain of knowing there son is fucked up on opiates and ive keep them blind to swimy problem because i want to beat it myself and then swim will tell mum a few yeares down the track what happened when im no longer addicted, swim has stresssed mum out to much and want to have the demon off my back soon as possible. Swim went to morph because hammer bags down here are hopeless morph pills are much better. Can anyone send me someone how isent anyone advise swim please swim wants out of this hell. or to just die.
Thankyou for reading my letter from Rob.

[samuraigecko]

Hello.

One can definitely sympathize with you on this as SWIM has been through it before. All swim now does is dabble in a little Opium from time to time, and this is not very often now either.

SWIM had a pretty huge H habit and would also get into the MS Contins and Oxycontins whenever they were available even if he had already had his quota of H. He loved it all, any opiate imaginable. He would buy methadone from the people on the methadone prog who were allowed to get "take aways" as we call it etc.

Basically all of these drugs are very simmilar and in some cases almost the same. If One were to be so inclined One could ween himself off slowly but it takes will power. SWIM is not like the majority of other people in this respect because he seems to have a huge amount of will power. He weened himself of a little bit at a time only over a 2 week period then said "i cant be fucked any more" and just stopped. Some people can do that and some people cant, However, SWIM believes that ALL people CAN do that if they are determined enough and have good reason too.
Here is an example:
One called his councilor a "stupid junkie hooker bitch" etc. Does this really differ from SWIY? it seems to SWIM that a junkie is a junkie as long as they are sticking junk in their arms. SWIM did not intend that to be offensive in any way, he was just pointing out the inconsistency of the statement.

Obviously SWIY wants OUT of this situation and although councilors and programs CAN help, ultimately One has to help Ones SELF. SWIY has probably heard this from his councilors a thousand times already, but from one who has been there SWIM can say that it IS true. If SWIY is determined enough, strong enough, willful enough and has good reason to follow through on everything he promises himself then SWIY may have an awesome chance of making it.

This is SWIM's way of thinking about almost anything, including addictions:

"No "person" and no "thing" is going to dictate to me how I feel or view things. To allow them to do this is for them to have total control over me, and I am my own master. I CONTROL ME AND MY OWN ACTIONS. No one else is responsible for me except . . . Me"


That is a direct quote from SWIM. So his recommendation is to find SWIY's own power within because it DOES exist. Opiate addiction and withdrawal may make you think and feel like you are going to die, but the fact is that you ARENT. Most people are scared of giving up because of the pain and discomfort it brings, but the pain and discomfort only lasts for a while then its gone. One has to ask ones self: "is it really going to make a difference two weeks from now?" . . . . Look within ones self to find the answer.
'
hope this has in some way helped.

[greenfox]

I hate to be a prick, but my pet Fox Bubbles had a similar problem. Bubbles has been in and out of WD SO MANY TIMES it's beyond mention- SWIY could "tough it out" and stay on a couch for a week, smoke lots of weed, etc, etc, or try the 'Done (of course the 'Done has its own problems)... Bubbles was lucky enough to have ready access to SUB's and the DOc made a comment that it could be a lifetime thing. Wow. Nice. Oh well, hope SWIY does well...

take care, and tell SWIY to just be safe, no matter what. Nothing is worth the 'iv.

[wreckreational]

Swim knows how bad being sick is and is truley sorry for swiy's pain but what your experiencing now can be kicked in 3-5 days much better than a methadone kick trust swim thats a path swiy don't want to get on. depending on how they'll give it to swiy MD can help swiy kick. 10mg pills can be taken as a pyramid (4 the first day, 3 the second etc.) just tell swiy to be careful if someone gets a done habit the kick is cosiderably longer (upto a month). swiy can also use a number of weaker opiates to step themselves down they just have to stay well not try to get high, this sounds easier than it is. the monkey must be fed, and he never wants to just not be hungry.

[rob42853]

Thanks I will beat it.

[samuraigecko]

One applauds you for your strength and courage. I am sure that we all support you in this as most of us know that this can be a tough thing to beat. but we have confidence in you, you WILL beat this.

[wreckreational]

best of luck swiy has swim's support

[Fantasian]

SWIF has been where you are, and feels real empathy for what your going through. Just remember it's all about the willpower.

[rob42853]

Swim Thanks swiy all very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !

[Ellis D.]

cold turkey is a wild experience, nothing like staying up all night shivering and sweating your ass off at the same time. and the aches, holy fuckin shit joint aches body aches back aches headaches...fukin BS. But it is the best way tto do it. It will be a aweek at most of bad withdrawls but shouldn't be anytying too make you go crazy. only 2-3 days will be the worst of it.

if SWIY able to stay in one spot taking a nice warm bath can almost make SWIY forget SWIY withdrawling. Also your personal doctor might prescribe you somehting like valium or clonazepam which help a lot with the heebie jeebies. good luck and try to keep a positive mindset.

[Psych0naut]

Aren't there any other centers in the area who supply bupe? It will probaply be worth a long drive. Otherwise SWIY's GP might be a last option. They can be very understanding and helpful with helping their patients kick the habit. Good luck, hang in there buddy, think about the positive things, and let them push away all the horrible junk. You can do it, you just have to repeat it enough times untill your brain makes the right switch. You have my support.

[rob42853]

Swim thanks all again, swims main troble is my head im addicted to the needle. I'm am getting better slowly tho, swim thanks swiall very much for all the support. I will beat this horrible addiction.

[rob42853]

it beat swim of course

[samuraigecko]

tell swim to try again, most of the time it will never work the first time. One has to strive.