View Full Version : How can you identify if someone is alcoholic or in danger of becoming one?
Hi, I'm new.
I'm not entirely sure how you can tell if someone is an alcoholic or rather if they are perhaps developing an alcohol problem and could be in danger of becoming an alcoholic or becoming a problem drinker. Can someone please offer some advice? Are there any behaviours which separate these?
My boyfriend told me he used to be heavily addicted to skunk (strong cannabis)and he has quit since we got together because he was worried about it, but without any help. I've noticed increasingly that he is getting extremely drunk several nights a week with colleagues (ie: can't find keys to get in door, can't speak, staggering etc) and on the nights he doesn't get hammered he drinks about 3 beers in front of the TV.
Sometimes he goes for a few nights without drinking anything at all. Sometimes he drinks when no-one else who is out with us is drinking at all which is a bit socially awkward, or sometimes when we are in a pub and everyone is drinking but he orders double what everyone else does.
The thing is he doesn't drink in the day time as far as I know, unless we go for a picnic at the weekend or something, but he doesn't get smashed in the day time.
Just for a bit of context, I'm a typical 20-something girl, who binge drinks about once a month or two (not good, I know!) but only has one or two drinks in the pub on a Friday night, not every week either - so I don't mind other people drinking at all. I'm just concerned that maybe he has an "addictive personality" and could be developing a drink problem. His brother has said the same to me but I find it hard to discuss it with any of my friends because it seems like a private issue.
BTW I'm happy not to drink around him ever if I need to. What do you think though? Does he have a problem or is he in danger perhaps of getting one?
I'm just confused because he doesn't get hammered every night and like I said, not in the day time, so it doesn't seem to fit the usual idea of an alcohol problem. Am I being naive or even overly-concerned?
Any advice gratefully accepted cos I'm not sure what to do. He admitted he's worried about his drinking too but has failed to do anything about it to tone it down despite several promises.
allyourbase
19-04-2007, 19:02
your boyfriend wasnt addicted, he was dependant. theres a difference. addiction cannot be helped, it is physical, it is ugly, it is mean. dependance is the result of a weak psyche, blaming anyone or anything (including a substance) for your dependance would be lying to yourself. typically you can tell someone is an alchoholic if they hide alchohol in strange places, if they drink at wholly inappropriate times, if they become angry or irrational when they cannot have a drink, when they start blaming people around them, god, or life in general for their drinking, and when they cannot admit that theyve been drinking too much (of course, this only works if they really have been drinking too much, a six pack on the weekends does not a binge drinker make)
Thanks, that's really helpful!
so_tired76
27-05-2007, 19:16
In non AA groups and treatment the term alcoholic is avoided.What it comes down to is:when does heavy drinking become problem drinking?For instance it is totally possible for someone to drink every day,sometimes alone and sometimes with friends and do this for years,even decades.This person may not mess up their social life/family/work and yet could be drinking 75+ units a week.One day though it will affect their physical health and thus it has become a problem for them.
At the other end of the scale you get the once weekly binge-drinker who maybe has 20 units every Friday after work to let off steam.But this person may get into fights,isolate friends/family,wake up in Police cells and maybe sometimes hospital.Anyone looking from the outside would say that person was a problem drinker.
Then there's the cliche of a street drunk,unshaved,unwashed who is 25,but looks 35 and drinks whatever he can get so that he can get away from whatever horrors have led him down this road....which no doubt is in part due to the drinking.
I think that from your post you are basically in your head thinking that yes your boyfriend is an alcoholic.He drinks when no one else does and it feels uncomfortable for you to watch this and feel involved.
He isn't physically addicted but certainly appears to be psycholgically addicted...and now is probably the time to cut down or at some point in the next year or so it may well turn into having to be drunk 24/7.
I can speak from my own experience.....I was the first person I've described on the above list for 6 years and it didn't affect me socially/jobwise or any obvious physical effects.But then over about 18 months things fell apart in my life,some to do with me under the influence,but most to do with me being in a really bad place work/socially and had no one to turn to so I became a mixture of all the 3 people I've descibed above and things went worse.I tried to get help but the things available to me were not enough and I was also refused funding for rehab...and unless that money comes its a case of trying to get Ģ14,000+ from somewhere.So for the last 5 years I've been battling it mainly alone.Hmm,I think I'll do a write up elsewhere though or this post will be an essay!
dependance is the result of a weak psyche, blaming anyone or anything (including a substance) for your dependance would be lying to yourself.
Swim really doesn't agree with that, mostly because he has an addictive personality himself. Although swim agrees with most of what you say, this is just wrong, it's not a 'weak' psyche. Some people just like kicks more as other people, people like that are very likely to do extreme sports, do dangerous, stupid things, shock people just for the fun of it, getting addicted. It's not that they are weak, they just like kicks and are bored with reality faster as a normal person. Off course this doesn't mean getting addicted is ok or that getting addicted is a disease (one of the most irritating things the AA/NA fucks tell).
In swim's experience it is very hard to become an alcoholic, ie, it takes a very long time of heavy drinking to build a psysical dependance. However from what i read here your boyfriend has/ is building a psychological dependance to alcohol.
Have you told him you are worried about his drinking? He probably can cut down his use without to many problems and since you are a couple he should at least consider your feelings.
Also, swim never build a psysical dependance to alcohol and he did drink more as your boyfriend i think :). He drank (almost) every day for about a year and he also got drunk during the day from time to time.
beentheredonethatagain
04-06-2007, 06:45
okay at first glance I was bout to say that your bf is a looser and that he isn't going to be a good provider. so dump him.
then I started to examine myself at that age. I was totally addicted gladly , to what ever was in reach.
many years that was the norm.
today I am not that kid . I am a professional , self empoyed , business owner. I am a father to my son. I usually pay bills on time. I havent been popped for anything in ten years.
Some time ago I had to go straight . Completely clean for over 6 years.
Because my life was unmanagible and my soul was worn down.
Today I can toke , a cold beer or so , or ... .......
but that's not my life. I am not living to die fast.
So God and your bf really only know. I wouldn't marry or even get serious with a person at that stage in their life. He may have some prison time ahead to deal with, or I have seen abusive relationships start this way.
Of course I do not wish it to end badly , I just would look at it from the outside in.
Hi, I'm new.
on the nights he doesn't get hammered he drinks about 3 beers in front of the TV
Honey, it's good that you're concerned about his drinking habits, and it's revealing about your standards for alcohol consumption.
But he sounds like a typical guy.
Reality sucks, double standards apply. You seem to have the alcohol standards of a fairly classy girl. :) But there is a different standard for guys. This isn't my opinion, I didn't create this standard! But the social consensus is that girls shouldn't like drinking too much, and it's OK for guys to like drinking as much as they like.
The proviso is that alcohol consumption should never interfere with social relationships or work. If drinking interferes with either one, the person (male or female) is drinking too much. As long as they can live their normal life OK, it doesn't matter how much of any drug they consume. Just to take one example, Winston Churchill drank about a liter of gin every day, and he was partially responsible for winning World War II!
The point is not how much your boyfriend drinks, the point is if it's interfering with his normal life.
stoneinfocus
12-06-2007, 22:55
to be fair, everyone drinking, espcially the guys, actually di have a risky consumption and three is in my opinion as addicted as a fixer.
(thatīs why all the propaganda to "alcohol is beneficial" is misleading asnd usually used by those, who actually need an excuse for thir drinking habit)
SWIM thinks that this guy is already an alcoholic and cannot control the habit. You can test him, and if he truly wants to preserve the relationship, he will comply. Make him stop for a month. If he can do that, then he still can control his habit. If not, it is controlling him. Be prepared for a fight and all kinds of rationalizations, and simply reply that if it is not a problem, stopping for a month should be at most an inconvenience.
And, BTW, being 'addicted' to 'skunk' means that this guy also could not control weed smoking, which says a lot for his vulnerability to addiction. SWIM would pass on the recommendation that if alcohol is such a necessary crutch for him, he should go back to the skunk. In the long term, it will be far less damaging on all levels. The alcohol has simply substituted for the previous addiction, in SWIM's opinion.
Well I am married to a recovering alcoholic and I can tell you your boyfriend doesn't have the issues dear hubby had. My husband drank a lot every day. In fact he would wake up drinking and go to sleep drinking. He drives a truck for a living and used to fall out of it literally because he couldn't stay away from the booze or would get the shakes. I finally had it with him when he in an alcoholic rage beat me when I was 7 months pregnant because I would not let him drive the car. I had to get a restraining order and filed on him. He even went up to my job and threatened to kill me. He was arrested for a day. I guess that was a wake up call for him because he went into treatment and it took a while but we are back together and he doesn't drink anymore. That was 15 years ago. I can't drink because that would spur him into it and I just don't want to risk it. I don't like drinking anyway. I am just giving you some insight on an alcoholic. Also like drug addiction, if he took another drink, he would be right there a raging alcoholic again. It happened once since his recovery. He also had issues with drugs so the double whammy in his case. But he is a good provider and husband sober so don't give up on him if you love him.