View Full Version : i have to quit
i am new here, but i have been lurking for a while... i have a little left of my last 8 ball and when it is done i am not buying anymore and i am not going anywhere where i can get it.. i have just a hard time giving this shit up, when i stop for a few days i can do nothing but sleep and i feel like hell and really depressed.. i have no choice i hate that this has control of me like this and i have to quit for my own good.. thanks for letting me vent, i feel better just letting someone know that i do have good intentions... and no matter how hard i am giving this up for awhile, if i have to lock my self in the house..
ok, so how hard is it to really quit? like i said i tired to for 2 days and i felt like death.. how long does it last and is there anything to help ease the cravings and the extreme sleepiness?
thanks everyone
HardCash21
25-10-2004, 11:47
Good luck. Jusr remember everyone will slip along the way but that doesn't matter if you keep making progress (even if it is slow progress)
Peace
Keep trying, it's hard but just keep trying
best of luck
BA
lindapwallace
25-10-2004, 23:53
good luck and remember although its feels like it will never end believe me it will....think about your future and how good you will feel...
i wish you all the best http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley20.gif
I wish you the best of luck. It takes extreme willpower but you can do it. Hopefully when you start getting through this you will change your screen name to iloveme!
Thanks for all the positive replys... today is the first day that i havent been on anything, my head seems clearer. hopefully i really am over it, and i can get past this. i told my "friend" not to call me and ask if i wanted some more, or not to offer it to me at all, and that i am staying away from places that i know i can get it.. so today is the first day for the new me.. thanks again, but damn i miss the taste, the numbness and the feeling.. i hear that it is only bad for like 3 days.. 3 days of hell for a better me should be worth it.. http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif
Micklemouse
26-10-2004, 22:07
Keep at it. Coke addiction seems to be purely psychological, with fewer of the physical symptoms you'd get coming off, say, smack. Stay focussed, sleep if you need to sleep, eat well, and get some high dose vitamins and minerals - esp magnesium and calcium(to help with any cravings), vits B complex strong, C & E(to help with low mood and general recovery stuff), Iron (to help absorb vit C), and if you can find it, Griffonia extract to restore a bit of serotonin to yer brain( a decent independent health food store should be able to sort you out - sometimes called Serotone, L-Tryptophan, or 5ht).
Stray strong, and maybe think about a more positive name - you're leaving the old 'Me' behind, and getting your Self back!
Good luck and blessed be!
one of the best things you can do is to avoid triggers and "people, places, and things" that remind you of drugs. You sound like you are off to a good start. Good luck and keep us posted.
lindapwallace
27-10-2004, 06:37
just think the first day is the first day of your new life...as a mother of an addict, i found this board a great help and there are all fantastic people on it that will support you all the way.....
as Lost says, avoid all triggers and unfortunatly even if it means cutting your friends out of your life if they do any form of drugs that can take you back to your old ways.....
as i said before, you might feel rough, depressed ect but just think, your future is worth it and you will get there... http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley4.gif
take care
linda
Zach Swan
29-10-2004, 18:56
Keep at it and keep yourself busy - boredom brings on blow binges. Soon you'll be astonished at the change in energy, and how good you feel.
Please beware of the following though: after you've been clean for a month or so, the day will come when you're feeling wonderful, and almost 'out of the blue' you'll get it into your head that "since you're feeling better now" it won't be a big deal to pick up one 8-ball. You'll think you've got it under control, you'll party, and then continue on with your newly acquired drug-free lifestyle. Don't give in because it WILL be a big deal and you risk ending up back where you are right now. This is just one of the ways She tricks us into remaining with her.
http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley17.gif Thanks again, i havent done anything since mon, i feel alot better today, it was one of the first days in a long while that i got up and did the things i needed to do.. tonight i am taking the kids and spending the night with my mom, just so i wont be at home bored and be tempted to go to a bar, i think i need to stay out of the bar scene for awhile..
i still think about it, the other night my ex and i got in a fight, and more than anything did i want to call my "friend" and get something but i didnt (i did find some old baggies and rub them on my gums though lol). i am trying to keep everything peaceful so i dont turn to that to numb my pain and depression, i also have a drs apt on mon to get on antidepressants, i am hoping that all this works out and i get back to my normal self.. i am also very disapointed in myself for letting something get control of me like this, anyone who knows me wouldnt have thought in a million years that i would have turned to coke, ya know.. well thanks again
Zach Swan
30-10-2004, 09:40
>>more than anything did i want to call my "friend" and get something but i didnt (i did find some old baggies and rub them on my gums though lol).
Good for you man. Been there with the baggie thing though http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley2.gif
>>i am also very disapointed in myself for letting something get control of me like this
Pretty natural to talk trash to yourself, but not particularly helpful to your overall well being (oops that sounded a little too much like a "counselor" for me -- sorry.) That said, go easy on yourself -- you're only just starting to understand how powerful gack can be. Even the best of us have lost a few rounds. She has a way of sneaking up on people of all walks of like and gets a hold of them when their guard is down. Good luck.
P!MPJU!C3
31-10-2004, 21:39
Watch comedy and smoke some Silver Pearl, anythin u can get ur hands on. Smoke Gauloises and drink Vodka non-stop. Any other possible addiction u should extort to get rid of the worst addiction(coke or smack.)
My best friend, hes still a live(a miracle), is using this method right now and he sais it works really well. Hes been lyin on my couch in my room 4 2 days now and before that he was stayin with another old friend.
lindapwallace
01-11-2004, 06:01
hi again
what ever you do dont give up....its very easy to let everything get on top of you at the point your at but think of the future and what you have to look forward too.
do you not think its about time you changed your name from "ihateme" to "ilike me"....
although you said it will be only 3 days, take time to do things that you want to do to keep busy and try not to look back to the old you....beating yourself over the head for allowing something to take over you doesnt help as it happens to the best of people....
look to what you want out of life and go for it, make it a happy future....
keep strong and look after yourself.....
linda (a mother)from scotland http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif
I dont even know how to thank all of you~ it has been so helpful knowing that people are rooting for me to get better.. tomorrow night will be one week, i am feeling better everyday.. i am working on making myself a happy future, i am trying to fix everything that i "broke" with my addiction.. i need to work on alot but everyday i am making strides in the right direction.. :)~
~smiles~
Thanks for all the positive replys... today is the first day that i havent been on anything, my head seems clearer. hopefully i really am over it, and i can get past this. i told my "friend" not to call me and ask if i wanted some more, or not to offer it to me at all, and that i am staying away from places that i know i can get it..
Edit -- this is general advice for anyone trying to quit... IMHO-type advice anyway
If you're serious, do more than that... tell your "friend" you'll turn them in to the cops if they call again, or something like that. IME that's enough to discourage 100% of dealers.
Also if you can, try to get away somewhere for 2 weeks to a month, where you don't know anyone & have no connections. That's how I kicked late last August, went to visit relatives in Nowheres'ville Ohio for a month. I'm still free of cola, altho the anhedonia & feelings of emptiness still gets very bad sometimes (even on an antidepressant).
As far as the extreme sleepiness... sleep! You probably need it big time. IME the cravings lessen after a week or two, especially if you can forget about it most of the time. For me, it's thinking about doing it that brings on cravings.Edited by: Nicaine
lindapwallace
04-11-2004, 17:35
i came across this and hope it helps you ihateme..when i was going through a really bad time with my daughter someone gave me this little poem and i read it and kept it with me for comfort....i hope it helps you the way it helped me............
when things go wrong as they sometimes will
when the road you're trudging seems all uphill
when funds are low and debts are high
and you want to smile but you have to sigh
when care is pressing you down a bit
rest if you must but don't you quit.
life is strange with its twists and turns
as every one of us sometimes learns
and many a failure turns about when
they might have won
had they stuck it out
dont give up though the pace seems slow
you may succeed with another blow
success is failure turned inside out
the silver tint of the clouds of doubt
and you never can tell how close you are,
it may be near when it seems so far
so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
its when things seem worst that you must not quit...
discobloodbath
13-11-2004, 06:49
nice poem
OneDiaDem
13-11-2004, 18:05
Keep in mind, that the people you did this with will not be so supportive. Expect calls from them, and some pressure. Be prepared to deal with that situation when it arrises. I know this is a mjor downfall for alot of people trying to quit their drug of choice.
Best wishes, and we are here.</font>
discobloodbath
13-11-2004, 23:27
yes best wishes and keep up the fight
just be strong and remember to stay away form the bar
How are you doing ihateme? We haven't heard from you in a while. I hope all is well and stay strong!
lindapwallace
16-11-2004, 03:32
hi there ihateme.
come on in and let us know how your doing as we are all here for you.
linda
a mum
**HUGS** **HUGS** **HUGS** **HUGS** **HUGS** **HUGS**
Hello everyone.. i am so glad to be "back".. two weeks ago my Dr. put me on Zoloft, and that being an SSRI..it has rare adverse side effects of depersonalization, memory loss, blurry vision and for me it was a total loss of myself.. tues everything went crazy for me i was having trouble remembering my kids, or my mom, or how i used to be.. i couldnt even change my voice mail, cause i couldnt remember how i normally sounded.. well by wed i went completly off my rocker, i was hallucinating and having the worst possible thoughts.. me and the kids went and stayed with my mom, i wasnt able to really start talking again till fri, and i just came home sunday.. i am feeling better now, i am actually feeling better than i have in a very long time, i dont know if it was the combination of coming off coke, and then taking the zoloft that it had that kind of reaction with me, but it scared the hell out of me.. the feeling of numbness and isolation started with the coke and the coming off the coke.. and then i went right on zoloft which was ten times worse than the depression.. i am getting better day by day.. a friend of mine called this weekend and wanted to know if i wanted to "skee" i said no thanks and i stayed home.. woo hoo...
Like i said everyday is better than the one before, tomorrow will be a week off the zoloft and 3 weeks off the coke.. yaaa!!! i am still having trouble remembering certain things, and there are still things that seem surreal.. but i know that i am on the way back to the michele that everyone knows and misses... thanks everyone.. and i am sorry if i had anyone worried.. (((((everyone))))
hippie_lain
16-11-2004, 15:36
Keep up the fight man. Just so you the first two weeks on SSRIs you usually get more depressed and suicidal. If still want to try one I'd recomend Lexapro. Hope this helps
Silver Fox
19-11-2004, 22:24
Well Done, and keep at it!
There have been some really good suggestions; I agree: keep yourself occupied with enjoyable and meaningful activities. Spend time with family and non-using friends. Be strong and cut those connections with users/dealers. Look after Number One so that ihateme transforms into iacceptme and then IloveMe. The simple things in life are often the best: family and friends, gentle exercise to reconnect with your body, good food, some nutritional supplements/vitamins. Try to remeber what you used to enjoy doing, and get back into those activities.
On the technical side, if you have been using for a while and then stop, your brain-chemistry will be a bit out of kilter. It will take a while for the normal brain-chemistry to re-establish itself, as your 'happy-hormones' will have been depleted. Your moods may be low for a while, and your sleep patterns may well be disturbed for a while. Low moods and sleep are very much interrelated: aim for active enjoyable days, some quality sleep at night, and the low moods will lift.
The simple remedies are the best:
Good 'sleep hygiene' - keep active during the day, so that you will be physically tired at night. Don't drink tea/coffee/stimulants in the afternoon or evening. Herbal teas at night such as valerian or cammomile are subtle but effective. A hot milk drink at night can be effective; the serotonin in milk aids sleep and helps to lift mood. A warm bath in the evening is great for relaxation; you could try adding essential oils such as lavender. These feel-good suggestions will also stimulate serotonin, the nuerotransmitter in the brain that is responible for making us feel good.
As mentioned by someone above, you could try supplements of L-tryptophan, or 5HT, which precursors to serotonin; the body utilises these in order to boost serotonin levels in the brain. These supplements are available at certain chemists or health-food stores.
Certain antidepressants - the class of antidepressants called SSRI's - Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors, aim to increase levels of serotonin in the brain, and hence to elevate mood. Many of them can have the effect of destabilising mood/brain chemistry in the first week or two of starting, as you have found out. Probably the SSRI that is least likely to do that is called 'Seroxat' in the UK - it tends to give more stability due to its concommittant antihistamine action which also works on the brain's dopamine system and also may help with sleep.
Trazadone is another medication that is very effective for helping with sleep, at low doses. At higher doses it is affective for depression. It belongs to a different class of drugs, it is not an SSRI.
Hopefully you will not require any medications, but sometimes they can be useful for a short period of time, just to tide you over a particularly rough patch.
Be kind to yourself! Give yourself credit for the great progress that you have already made and continue to make!
Micklemouse
20-11-2004, 00:27
Welcome back Michele! You're a brave and strong woman(unless you're a French man, in which case you're a cheese eating surrender monkey! But a brave and strong one at that!), and should be seriously proud of yourself!
Saying no to the man with the snow must have been a buzz all of it's own, nice one! You're greatest enemy at this time is complacency - 'I've come this far, a little won't hurt!' Don't go there, let the thought pass - it will. I don't know if this is even relevant, but ime it's a test that many ex-addicts find themselves up against, and that is all it is - a test, a piece of old programming filtering through on it's way to being deleted. You've denied temptation once(at least!), you can do it again and again!
Good advice from Silver Fox. However avoid Seroxat(Paxil in the States) - if you thought coke was hard to come off, and Zoloft was shit then this stuff is the absolute bitch from hell for side effects and addictiveness! SSRI's, although useful for some, are too easily prescribed by primary care, and certainly aren't the safe wonder drugs that Big Pharma would like you to think they are. Not every ailment and stage of life need medicating, and think of the satisfaction knowing you did it without swapping one drug for another!
Always remember where you're going, and keep in mind where you've been. Stay strong, stay well, stay clean.
Once again, welcome back Michele! Keep posting.
(p.s. Before I get flak for the line about the monkey, it's a Simpson's reference, and was in no way meant as a racist comment. Apologies for any offense(indvertantly) caused!).
Well, a few weeks ago...I said, I wasn't feeling the high anymore..so I tried going without for a week...I lasted for a day, and did it every single day, even if I didn't feel it...Don't know why...But, the last time I did it was on Wednesday...So at first when I was trying to cut down...It was HARD!!!!! Now, I'm just trying to do it once a week or as a social thing....Good luck...I know how it feels. I lost the love of my life because of this crap...And I'm trying to get my life back on track...and hopefully, I'll my girl back:)
lindapwallace
21-11-2004, 06:11
hi there
i dont know if anyone in the states have heard but here in britain they are trying to get people off Seroxat(Paxil in the States) due to its suicidal tendancies that it can cause
there has been a lot of programmes about it and its quite dangerous..
i know of someone who was on that drug and although they were ok and just a bit depressed they did attempt to commit suicide twice and it was found that the pill caused it, once they came off it and changed onto another tablet, they were fine...
a lot of doctors wont prescribe that tablet here due to the information that is coming out...
be careful if anyone is on this drug and if you can, ask your doctor to change your tablets if possible or talk to your doctor...
lindapwallace
27-11-2004, 16:14
has anyone heard from Ihateme????
i have written to her but she isnt answering...
come on Ihateme....write in and let us know if your ok.
Hello everyone.. i am still clean,i am now just battling the demons in my head.. i am having a hard time thinking and just feeling like me on a daily basis. i havent wrote in, because nothing that i used to love, care about or enjoy really matters anymore.. i feel like i am lost and i cant be found.. but today is a little better, *see i am on the computer at least today*.. i think that everyday is going to be a struggle till i get better and i have to be willing to struggle. i felt as if i had given up the fight.. like i had lost my resolve.. my life flipped up side down, after i got off the coke, and now i am trying my damnest to get my head above water.. thanks for everything.. i will try to be back soon... chele
lindapwallace
09-12-2004, 04:04
hi all
i would like to send you all a Christmas card, its early i know but its to wish you health and happiness for Christmas.....
cut and paste the link
http://www.lakecards.com/cgi-bin/lakecards.pl?id_num=8572619 6&box=120820
linda
lindapwallace
09-12-2004, 04:13
hi michele
its great to hear from you again, i think you had us a bit worried...
your doing great girl and be proud of yourself but do you not think you should change your name now...
ok so you dont have much to write about, tell us about what your doing, how your kids are, what is in your mind...anything you can think off...
its great to see you on the board again and now that you are back, keep writing in and dont leave it so long....
although i am in scotland, i'll come and knock at your door and sit you down on the computer lol.... i'm a good swimmer you know haha!!!! http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley36.gif
see you later michele
linda
Creeping Death
09-12-2004, 22:38
The way to do this thing is to find something that you enjoy besides the drug. That way you won't get that depressed when you're not high, because you have something else to fall back on.
Another way is to take other drugs, like weed. And have benzoos prepped to make withdrawal symptoms milder.
Or you can go with the sick boy method.
Stage One: preparation. For this you will need: one room which you will not leave; one mattress; tomato soup, ten tins of; mushroom soup, eight tins of, for consumption cold; ice cream, vanilla, one large tub of; Magnesia, Milk of, one bottle; paracetamol; mouth wash; vitamins; mineral water; Lucozade; pornography; one bucket for urine, one for feces, and one for vomitus; one television; and one bottle of Valium.
lindapwallace
10-12-2004, 02:11
i think i would leave out the valium as if your really bad there would be too much of a risk as you could take too many of them.....
michele has kids to take care of so i think they will keep her busy..
your doing well girl so stick it out....remember what i said in my email...lol......
get in here and let us know how your doing..
linda
You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I wish you the best in your recovery.
One thing I might suggest that I haven't heard yet would be to exercise. It is a natural high, and should make you feel better mentally and physically.
You might want to avoid ANY other drugs right now. They might just bring you back to your drug of choice.
It might not be a bad idea to start hitting up some NA meetings. You can get much support, help, and probably make some good clean friends there.
how long does it last and is there anything to help ease the cravings and the extreme sleepiness?
Starts easing up after a week... at about 3 or 4 weeks it feels like you're finally out from under the spell. At least that's how it's always worked with me. I recommend an antidepressant, in particular: Wellbutrin. It is a stimulant and helps overcome the cravings & sleepiness immediately even before it relieves any depression.
nothing that i used to love, care about or enjoy really matters anymore..
Man, can I relate to that. I think it takes a long time for motivation and interest to come back, cuz cola hijacks that part of the brain & depletes it.
As a binge user (use heavily for a few months then quit for a few years, over & over again) I can say that eventually you'll feel better. But each time I've binged, it's taken longer for my motivation, interest and pleasure in life to come back. I think cola causes permanent damage to that part of the brain. The anhedonia can be almost overwhelming. Hang in there, and honestly you should find an antidepressant that works for you, try Wellbutrin if you haven't already.Edited by: Nicaine
lindapwallace
05-01-2005, 05:49
has anyone heard from michele??? if your there michele, go on the board and let us know how your doing...come on girl write to us....
hello everyone, i havent been online in awhile cause my internet has been cut off, i am at school now. i am doing better, i am just trying to take the time to get my head str8 and i am still clean, i have messed with it once or twice since october, and i really dont enjoy and need it like i used to... have a great day and once agian think you so very much for the support..
Michele
Micklemouse
10-01-2005, 23:55
You're very welcome! Glad things are good - Lindap wasn't the only one worried, girl! Take care, and welcome back!
Hope the Year gives you what you need...
This is a good way for me of quitting anything for 2-3 weeks, then sooo much more easier to quit for more:
I take everything i need to "store" (wouldnt want to throw away your goodies now would ya??)
Get hammered, hide the stuff, but write down where i hid it; Then buy mints (yes mints) and everytime you have to do your drug, pop a mint. Also keep around a big waterbottle at all times. If you hid your drugs far away that are hard to reach, you will have little trouble going there for 2-3 weeks. Then just get the drugs, and put it next to you. If you do any, try to stop right there, and repeat process till its all gone or till you stop
Then in 4-12 months, when you have prolly forgot about them, and your looking around your cellar, and you find a nice baggy, youll be very happy, like free drugs, and prlly wont go out looking for more after its done n finished!
Take care.
paulywould
11-01-2005, 20:24
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I had my internet cut off too. As soon as I got it back one of my freinds got busted for doing something she shouldn't have, something I would've done. I guess I got lucky. I'm trying to stay clean now, but I do have urges now and then.
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lindapwallace
12-01-2005, 12:24
hi michele
well its great to see you back...
you sound a lot more positive in your post which is great to see...
what are you studying in school??
keep in contact michele
love to you
linda
hippie_lain
12-01-2005, 14:31
Great to hear things are bettter michele. I'm battling my coke demons too. Its so hard cause life is so stressful. What helped you feel like yourself again causeI have deperssonlization issues real bad. Also what did you do to feel your time or to just say no. Its Awesom that your defeating thedrugs. They always seeem to beat me.Anyhelp from anyone would be great.
lindapwallace
14-01-2005, 06:08
hi there hippie_lain.
i hope you manage to fight and win your battle...just think, every day that your clean is another day closer to success....each day your clean is another successful day....i am sure like michelle, you can do it and if you think positive you will do it...
just keep your mind active.
good luck and will look forward to hearing how you do...
linda
Good Afternoon everyone!
Alot has been going on, i have been going to therapy twice a week for the last 2 or so weeks because the problems that i was having in nov and dec are still here and i am still having very very good days and then very very bad dark hopeless days. but finally through all of this i have made some head way.. at the moment i have been diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder with rapid cycling. With the rapid cycling i go from very low and not talkative at all and not caring about anything to very talkative, laughing and smiling and feeling like me... though all of this it has been a daily struggle, but i at least feel at comfort now knowing that the brief stint that me and coke had wasnt the cause of the confusion in my head.. (i am told that people that have a very negative reaction to an SSRI, it can cause a chemical imbalance that was dormant to surface ie, the bipolar thing).. i will need to be on some kind of mood stabalizer for life but i have no problem with that as long as it takes care of the shifts to that dark and scary place where i dont even like me... so for the most part i am better, i am still cycling very fast from the ups and downs,so i am just working on making the best of the downsi have to record my professors because on the bad days i cant even think.. but i know that in the end it will all work out and i wont have to think and try so hard to be me...
oh and i am still clean yae!!.. there are times that i want it but only when i am in the hypomanic state or whatnot, but when the cravings come over me, i just stay away from it.. i want to get back to the person i used to be...
oh and linda at the moment i am getting my associates in social science, but my ultimate goal is to get into some kind of social work that helps people with dual diagnoses.. substance abuse problem and mental health problem together...
Smiles Michele
paulywould
19-01-2005, 03:53
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I know just how you feel. I was diagnosed with BP two years ago after bottoming out in the Hollywood club scene. I started using to feel better than I couldn't stop. I hyaven't used in a while and I'm on meds. I had some rapid cycling Dec 29 - Jan 6. What a Fucking Nightmare! I got my meds adjusted and went to meetings everyday and I didn't have to use. If you ever need to talk you can pm me.
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lindapwallace
19-01-2005, 13:28
hi michele
you sound really good and i am so pleased...told you girl that you would do it...
you are sounding so positive and although this is just typed you can hear the lift in your words...
my husband suffers a similar problem, cant remember its name now...but half the battle is knowing and understanding the condition and learning to live with it without destroying yourself....
now michele,do you not think its time that you changed your nickname to something more appropriate...eh!!!
good luck and keep in touch...
linda http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley20.gif http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley32.gif
Hello everyone.. thought i would let yall know how i am, since i only pop in here on my good days.. well i am finally on some meds, i am on risperdal and tonight is the 3rd night and i am already feeling better (dr put me on these to start cause it doesnt take weeks to kick in, it has almost imediate results)... so i am on my way back to me.. yae!!
OK, and i am still clean, i no longer want or crave anything.. I have had the chance and said no, i am not willing to do anything that will mess my head up any further.. I want to thank everyone for being so supportive, i dont think that i would have been able to make it through all of this, without yall.. it is so reasuring that i have a group of people that i have never met care so much about me.. I hope now i will be able to visit the forum and give some support for someone struggling with their addiction..
I wish i could give everyone a hug and say thanks...smiles chele
Darthcarlos
12-02-2005, 05:45
Good shit im surprised your still clean , good on ya http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley32.gif
To IHateMe- I suggest you change your name. In life, enough people will dislike you for no good reason and put you down, often behind your back. Don't join them, for Pete's sake!! If you ever need a friend, please p.m. me. I just think someone who has a great vocabulary, and is intelligent enough to understand what their problems are, why should you or anyone hate you? That sad name needs to go. If I made a poll asking whether or not you should change your name to better your self esteem I think most people would say yes.
If you're low on posts, switch now- if you're high on posts and think changing this name is a good idea, maybe ask Alfa if he can help you change your name and keep your post count.
By the way, I'm no Pollyanna, I just have learned that negativity will find us, as will sorrow. Please don't seek it out, dear.
-Always a Friend
P.S. If you are clean, you need to be dealing with that low self-esteem, before it trips you up. Edited by: manda
Hello everyone. This seems appropriate to this thread so I'm laying it out there. "IHateMe", imagine being unable to feel the warmth and love of another human being. Imagine being unable to sympathize with people, animals, family members. Imagine what it's like to wake up in the morning knowing it's going to be another day totally devoid of any sort of warm feelings whatsoever.
That was my life until I met GHB. I was living in a dark world and GHB was the light. That chemical activated a portion of my mind I never even knew existed. I felt strong feelings for people for the first time in my life. I met a wonderful woman. My entire life lit up like a star. Then....it was illegalized.
I would have torn out my heart if I gave a shit when I ran out of my last bottle of GBL. But, I simply didn't care enough to even end it all. The light went out.
I've tried hundreds of drug combinations since then attempting to get even close to that feeling. I'm in hell.
Cigarettes, alchahol, coke, meth, you name it...I've been addicted to them all and gleefully overcame those addictions. This...I cannot overcome. It's not right. It's just not right.
May I ask how it feels or what other drug it resembles at all to get an idea of how it feels?
Saying stuff like it's better than everything else and you've cheerfully quit meth, but can't quit ghb, doesn't exactly make me long for an addcition that's worse than meth!!! What could be worse? Speeedballs? Crack? Huffing gas?
lindapwallace
12-02-2005, 13:05
hi michele
its great to hear you doing well and so positive...told you girl you could do it...
the only thing michele i would say is try not to put yourself in any position that someone offers you anything....it might just take one bad day when your feeling down for the whole thing to start again and you have worked too hard for that to happen..
i wish you all the success in the world,you have fought your demons and won, your a stronger person and you deserve happiness....keep going michele.
linda http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley32.gif http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley4.gif http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley20.gif
lindapwallace
12-02-2005, 13:09
hi cleaver
could you tell me what GHB and GBL is as i have not heard that before.
linda http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley5.gif
It's the Mom, Linda. http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley14.gif Hi! I don't know if you remember me or not, but we have talked in p.m.'s and I wondering how you are doing? I trust your daughter is still doing well? It's Manda, by the way.
lindapwallace
15-02-2005, 12:01
hi manda..how are you doing?
if you go into "a mother's point of View" you will see what has been going on with my daughter...
i am keeping well and thankfully but the night time's seem the worse as that is when my mind starts getting really active and the imagination goes wild...
my husband is taking me away to australia for my birthday, we saved up really hard for this trip...its my birthday so he thought it would be nice for me to be with my 2 sisters so that is something to look forward too...
jump over to "a mother's point of View" to catch up...
linda
paulywould
17-02-2005, 15:23
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Linda, GBL is a cleaning product, degreaser, petroleum distalate. If you take it you can get high but it is very powerful and not really that good for you so I will not give you the doseage. It is also used to make GHB. GHB is safe, good for you, used to be sold at GNC (a health food store) until 1992 and in my opinion the best drug in the world as long as you DO NOT DRINK WITH ALCOHOL!!! It is an amino acid thatmakes you feel realxedas though you dranka few beers, happy like you did a line of coke and energetic like you did a tiny bit of speed. Believe it or not you can also take it for better sex and better sleep. Once you fall asleep, the drug immeadiately puts you into REM sleep which is the best sleep, four hours later the drug wares off and all the stored dopamine is released. Now you are awake and feel GREAT like you had a full nights sleep. Many people I know have taken it during 'fials' week at school when they studied late night andonly had a few hours that they could sleep. Taking a high dose of GHB might cause arm and leg shaking during sleep. This is normal!As long as they don't take other downers with GHB it should not be a problem. Good luck, and remember it may take up to 45 minutes before you feel it so don't double dose.
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lindapwallace
20-02-2005, 06:16
hi paulywould
i was just interested in what the initials meant as i had never heard of it before...
i am not a user but a mother who is interested in what is happening in the world and what is happening to people with drug problems as i am a mother of a user...
i think i prefer coffee myself and a good nights sleep...
keep well everyone and hugs from scotland http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley31.gif http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley31.gif
Hello again,
I think i am going to change my name now.. yae!! cause i really dont hate me, i really did when i was addicted to coke, i used to sit at the computer at night and cut out enough lines to make it the whole night and just sit here surfing for hours, then it hit me that i was a coke head.. and i didnt want to be that, so i hated myself for letting something get a hold of me like it did.. but its been months now, and i am better.. so ilovemenow
I've been on meds now for like 2 1/2 weeks now and it is a huge change there are no more dark scary days, but now i just feel complacent, i am content to sit in the living room and just watch tv, i really dont call anyone anymore, and i rarely get online, its not that im depressed i just feel like i no longer have a desire to do anything, cause i am happy at whatever im doing, i dont like the bar scene that much anymore, i went out the other night, got drunk as hell and i paid for it the next day, my body is not used to that anymore... so my point here is, i am much better, i am finally high on life.. i have no reason to escape my reality.. but i dont think that i should be so content to do really nothing, no matter what happens it doesnt make me upset, i am able to get things go now.. i just want to want to call this guy i like, call my friends, lol leave the house just cause.. but its 100% better than how it was, it was pure hell and scary to not want to do anything cause i couldnt even talk to or cared to talk to anyone.. sorry if i rambled, i just want my burning desire back for normal things.. but i am happy and better now. everyone i know can see a difference and they are so glad that im back.. i never knew that being bipolar was this hard, i wish i could go back to before all this happened, and just be me... but ok that is sounding down, i am me and i am fine, i think that i am going to have to push real hard to get some things done at the moment.. i know this is a drug forum, but i just wanted to keep everyone up to date on me, i am now on risperdal, lamictil, sonota, + my xanax when needed, then i take 60mgs of adderall everyday for my narcolepsy... LOL there was a time i wouldnt take pills but now they are my sanity...
Love everyone, chele
snowmizer
22-02-2005, 04:12
I am curious if you can describe what compelled you to want to do coke to the point of where you considered yourself addicted.. How did you determine you were addicted and not just obsessive compulsive, and unable to control your minds every little whim? I mean this seriously, I have used coke for like 15 years very occaisionally (treated it with the respect you must have to do it) and never got hooked, however - I cannot stop smoking cigarettes, and have tried all known method except hypnotism (Im a friend of Amazing Randy and would never live it down if I did that method) So how can one tell coke addiction? Whats it like trying to stop once your addicted - do you get sick?
dolphinsnow18
23-02-2005, 04:09
i am new here, but i have been lurking for a while... i have a little left of my last 8 ball and when it is done i am not buying anymore and i am not going anywhere where i can get it.. i have just a hard time giving this shit up, when i stop for a few days i can do nothing but sleep and i feel like hell and really depressed.. i have no choice i hate that this has control of me like this and i have to quit for my own good.. thanks for letting me vent, i feel better just letting someone know that i do have good intentions... and no matter how hard i am giving this up for awhile, if i have to lock my self in the house..
ok, so how hard is it to really quit? like i said i tired to for 2 days and i felt like death.. how long does it last and is there anything to help ease the cravings and the extreme sleepiness?
thanks everyone
I'd like to give you some good advice. No matter how many times you fail at quitting, never let it get ya down. I spent years in N/A trying to quit and ya know what? Whenver I had a setback, I went back to a meeting and I felt horrible. Know what I discovered? I was beating myself upcuz I thought everyone else was able to quit except me. I was killing my self esteem and I did this for years. I actually had to stop going to meetings because my self esteem was so bad.
As the years went by, my recreation tapered off to doing it every other weekend then once a month and even longer. And I dont beat myself up if I do it. My self esteem got better. The only thing that dont like is that I take the risk, but thats it. That is the main thing I want to emphasize - in case you have setbacks,Dont beat yourself up!
Edited by: dolphinsnow18
paulywould
24-02-2005, 15:03
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My first sponsor and My current sponsor never had a relapse. They have been sober since the day they walked in. I know another guy who relapsed for 17 years, now he has 16 years clean. Relapse is often a paret of recovery. I'm not a first time winner either. Like Dolphinsnow said, don't beat yourself up over it. You just beat yourself up by using drugs. The important thing is that you are alive and sobriety is still important to you.Learn a lesson from your relapse and get to a meeting. You are always welcomed back as long as you can make it back. You can't change yesterday. Focus on staying sober today!
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lindapwallace
28-02-2005, 05:09
hi michele
its great to hear from you and that your doing really well...
you will probably find that things you used to enjoy dont matter any longer but as long as YOUR HAPPY that is the main thing...
you will find your way int time and believe me when i say there is someone out there just waiting for you and hopefully give you the life that you obviously deserve,someone that will love you.....take your time to get better and enjoy every day..
its really good to hear from you...
keep up the good work and stay focused..
your friend from scotland
linda http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley4.gif
luckyatl13
02-03-2005, 02:52
I would just like to say that i quit the yay about 2 months ago. i was clean for about a month and a half. i decided i wanted to get an 8 ball and see what would happen. i got it and ended up keeping it for SO much longer than normal. one day i act. had it but DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!! its incredible... anyways prob havent done it in a month but ur doing GREAT. keep it up!
lindapwallace
04-03-2005, 05:10
I would just like to say that i quit the yay about 2 months ago. i was clean for about a month and a half. i decided i wanted to get an 8 ball and see what would happen. i got it and ended up keeping it for SO much longer than normal. one day i act. had it but DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!! its incredible... anyways prob havent done it in a month but ur doing GREAT. keep it up!
regarding this, i wouldnt advice buying something just to see how strong your will is....
when you quit,you must change your habbits, friends if needed....
i dont care how much strength you say you have, its not worth risking everything you work for just to see how you are coping...
http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley13.gif
dstyle347
15-03-2005, 12:23
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day at a time!! The important thing is that no matter what
happens be honest with yourself and those around you. If you struggle
and break under pressure do not be embarassed and not come back. I
don't know how to say this without offending anyone but this site is
probably not the best place to seek recovery advice(i have a feeling im
gonna catch hell for this). If you are'nt already you really should get
into a NA or AA meeting and work the steps with your peers in recovery,
stay close to those who have been where you are or were. Let the
people, places and things go with your addiction. I am certainly not in
a position to advise but hypocrisy is an element commonly associated
with our disease. Anyways it's great to hear of someone beating their
demons, thankyou for sharing and remember to be honest in your story,
it's never perfect and we all know that. This way others can associate
their struggle to recovery and be inspired by you. Anyways, thanks
GHB IS THE DATE RAPE DRUG, DONT TAKE IT. THIS GUY IS WRONG IT SHOULD BE ILLEAGAL
dstyle347
18-03-2005, 05:18
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Are you fuc$in kidding me? You obviously don't live in the city. G goes
like water in more than the physical sense. Add a little K and you got
the ultimate club experience as opposed to the view of your local E
dealer. If you go out by yourself, which is pretty damn pathetic, than
sure be worried about doing any drug, if your with your friends or boys
or people or whatever it is you refer to your aquaintences by than your
fine. If you think your crew will rape you and your still kickin it
with them you got issues man. I have been an Army Ranger since 1999 and
done everything in the book without getting raped or without even
having to protect myself from an attempt including jail. If your in a
place where that threat is plausable than you need to rethink what,
where, and why it is you go out at night.
hippie_lain
19-03-2005, 13:02
I think this place is good for quiting drugs. Going here alows you to be somewhat connected to a "drug world" without seeing the friends that would insist on you taking a hit or line. When i gave up most drugs i missed the party life or drug world(whatever you call it) and everthing that went along with it. This forum allowed me to "socoalize" with other drugies, and not end up going to see other friends cause i missed the use of the wordcocaine or talking about tripping or debating the best combo out there. So the point being talk to friends here when youre will is weak, not everyone in NA/aa is nice. Alot of them cant hadle their withdraws and are complete asses and people from NA want to drink and AA want to smoke pot. Youre right though dstyle, AA/NA is an important step, but this recovery forum can be a smaller steping stone.http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/smileys/smiley1.gif
billbong
19-03-2005, 19:45
Just remember what drove you to quit in the first place everytime you really feel like a line or it's offered to you. As a son of a ex-addict the majority of the times my mom relapsed it was while she was drinking, so maybe avid alcohol for a while
lindapwallace
23-03-2005, 05:47
hi dstyle347
you might not think this is the best place for someone who is trying to come off of drugs but from what i have read and advice given its a good place...
the people here try and help each other and encourage each other although you might get the daft idiots who think its cool to ridicule a person for trying to stop..
i am a mother of an ex addict (hopefully) and i wish my daughter had found this site as she might have not felt so alone with her problems....
there are a lot of good people on board here with a lot of sound advice, not everyone wants to go to AA meetings with a lot of strangers as its sometimes hard enough to realise there is a problem.....
keep well everyone
by the way if michele reads this,how are you doing and get back on the board to give us an update...
liinda from scotland.
Thanks for all the positive replys... today is the first day that i havent been on anything, my head seems clearer. hopefully i really am over it, and i can get past this. i told my "friend" not to call me and ask if i wanted some more, or not to offer it to me at all, and that i am staying away from places that i know i can get it..
Edit -- this is general advice for anyone trying to quit... IMHO-type advice anyway
If you're serious, do more than that... tell your "friend" you'll turn them in to the cops if they call again, or something like that. IME that's enough to discourage 100% of dealers.
I highly reccomend you don't go threaten dealers with talks of cops.
Hello Everyone,
I just wanted to stop in and say "hello".. I am still clean and doing fine, i dont even really drink anymore and that is something that i thought i would never give up.. but i find it nice to have no reason to escape my reality..
Someone asked why or how did i think that i was an addict, well i was so unhappy with everything going on in my life, i started playing with coke, it sorta just happened a friend had it one night (i didnt know that he moved it) and that f**ker did everything in his power to get me to need it, i got it free for like a month when ever i needed it or wanted it, then it got to the point that i bought some (just to have, when i was having the urge; truly believing that i had control) so i have it at the house now, and it is no longer something i do at night or when i am partying, i woke up to it, did it between classes, in the bathroom whenever and however i could i would. So after awhile of doing this, i tried to stop once and i slept for 2 days, i could not function with out it... so i bought one more 8 ball and near the end of that last one, i reached out for help here are drugs-forum and they helped me so much, what made me realize that i had to stop was that i knew deep down inside of me i was not a coke head, and i couldnt believe that i had resorted to that to drown my pain. When given a choice i would not choose to smoke and have a happy high, i choose coke which just numbed me, that way i could deal with my hell and not care. I was in such a sad state of mind then when i finally got of it, i became even more depressed cause everything that i was runnning away from became real again...
Thank goodness i have nothing to run away from anymore, i am happy with me for the first time in a very long time.. It is crazy cause at times i forget, then i remember that i was always coked up and i loved and needed it, but i had the strength to put it behind me and never speak to the people that got me started on the shit...
Michele
lindapwallace
07-04-2005, 05:12
hi there michele.
its great to hear that your still doing well and also sounding so positive...
your story isnt unusual as that is the way my daughter started because of a friend....
i havent been on for a while as i have been busy but i have been thinking of you all and wondering how your all doing....this site no matter what some people might think about it does help especially the ones who are looking for support and that counts for a lot....
keep going and let us know how things are...
your scottish friend and a mother
linda