Advice please- use of cocaine is getting excessive

[Jingleballicks]

I feel I should stop. I'm addicted, lets face it. As addicted to pot. Well, a little more addicted to snow that pot, but thatgoes without saying. = \


I don't know what I expect from the people that read this, but some one give me some insight. So I guess I'll start at the foundation of my habbit. My girlfriend, my brother, his g/f and I, we all went to Mexico. I'm 19 yrs old, and the tradition is to get drunk becuase the legal drinking age is 18 is Mex., well, I don't drink. And I figured, "when in Rome..." So we all bought some coke, it was the 2 time I've EVER done it. We were there 4 days, I shoulda saw it comming, but you never see it comming until it's too late. I told myself I would only buy that one bag. But each day we went over the boarder, there he was. So I feel into it. When we got back from the states I figured it was over. I know what coke can do to your body (not as much as I'm finding out now) But then, luck should have it, my g/f's brother got the great idea of selling the dirty shit. Well, I got a family discount, a gram of some good shit for 20 bucks. I couldn't resist. Then he stopped, and it was fine, but then I discovered that he knew someone who was basically a 24 hr Quike Mart.


I told myself that I would only buy coke when I was in town visiting my g/f (she lives in a few towns over). And every thing was fine.... until... I got a job working with migrant Mexican workers. I ate lunch with the Mexicans rather then the white folk (BTW I'm white) Becuase I find white people too whiny in the work place. I don't wanna hear how hot and how thirsty you are, you know, we're all hot and tired, stop whinning. Then one day one of the guys kinda says jokingly after work. "A la casa eh amigo.?" "Mucha molta y coca, eh?" And thats when it started....


Know I spend maybe 30-60 dollars on coke a week. I've watched my bank dwindle, and know the coke isn't all that fun. I'm actually afriad I've damaged my heart. Because know it just hurts, tightens up my chest. My friend says they are panic attacks brought along by my X pill binge 2 weeks ago.


And right know, I'm wired up, no sleep, and I gotta be in class by 12:20, it's 8:00, and after school I gotta go to work 3 1/2 hours later.


(Just to get a feel of my addiction, maybe that will help)


I buy a half-gram and tell myself that's all I'm gonna do, and if the money is available, I'll buy more. Calling my dealer every 10-20 min. untill I get a hold of him. (I only do that cause he says he gets allot worse).


The chest pains went away, but now if I smoke weed with the coke it gives me a panic attack and my chest tightens up so bad I don't wanna move, bend over, or over all, lift anything heavy when I'm on coke. But now they are back after about the second line... and stay there.


And last night I had to drive back from my g/f city. I drove back late, so I had a bag of coke, and I did it the whole way back. Telling myself that I would do ONE fucking line. But I ended up buying another 20 bag (my last bit of money until tonight when I go to work) And when I was with him, he saw my knife, offered a trade. At first I refused, but he offered my 2 GRAMS! for an $$8 knife, I couldn't refuse.


So here I am, lying(hiding it) to my girlfriend and my parents. My parents I don't mind so much.. I just pains me to think that my g/f doesn't know what I'm doing. Which makes me paranoid about what she's doing.


And to make matters worse, I'm coked up right now.Chest is in pain, (the halfpack of smokes doesn't help I bet)andas soon as I'm done with this post I'm gonna hit the line, AGAIN.


But at this point in the binge, like Niacine said. "Tired of being awake, tired of being sleepy". So I take another line to boost me up.


Sorry for the rembling, but I would need some insight, don't knowhow much youcan do seeing as I know I havethe problem...


One last thing, sorry. And what really sickens me about my addiction is the obvious damage I'm doing to my know, I can't people can't tell when I'm on coke, it becmoes so narrow, it looks sick. It returns to normal after a few hours, but what's gonna happend when I perm. fuck my nose up.


Sorry for the rembling, but I would need some insight, don't knowhow much youcan do seeing as I know I havethe problem...

[Jingleballicks]

But I think the worst part is the fact that I'm lying to my g/f of 3 yrs.

[32785]

well, the good thing is that your habit is still very moderate, I've seen and heard of much worse. If you honestly think that you are powereless over coke, then you really need to do something about it. I have had habits as bad as a ball a day, and the conclusion I came to after this prolonged act of suicide was that this drug had become ME. I no longer thought for myself or even had an once of self-exspression. This was whenI knew I had no other option. For me, coke is very mental. I will convince myself that the high is much better than it actually is, thus leading to using more often. It is something that you will no doubt battle with. My only advice to you would be to not quit cold turkey, (this has never worked in my case) but limit yourself to maybe 2 days of usage, not back to back, per week. After maybe 2 or 3 weeks, go down to just 1 day per week and so on. This won't be easy, but if you feel coke taking you over than you need to act now. Soon your tolerance will be built up high enough that just a few lines won't do much, I think you know what happens from there. I'd maybe talk to nicaine, (if he's open to it), I know he is also going through the "release and cleanse" period. You could help eachother out. About your girlfriend, it all depends on how much you really care about her. If you're close to her, then you've got to tell her. But again, it all depends on what kind of a person she is and what kind of a relationship you have. But trust me, this drug does not help relationships by any means. Either you kick the habit, or it will destroy anything you have with her. Do what you know needs to be done, I'm all for you.

[Jingleballicks]

Thanks, ya I want Niacine to repsond to this. See, my biggest fear is that it will take something AWFUL to release me from this addicition, whereas it is ever so slight. I wouldn't say I'm TOTALLY powerless to it, because it doesn't control my life....yet.. I've always thought that I would be strong enough to stop myself before it got TOO bad, which is why I'm posting this now. Because I can see my self teetering over the edge of the cliff. Enough of my money goes to it. I still have spending money and saving. Well, not any more, but that it is only half of coke. THe other half is that I can't manage money. I buy alot of pot. I would say I'm way more 'addicted' to pot. In the since where I always buy it, but I notice that it's becoming that way with coke. I don't think I can wing myself off of it. I need to quit cold turkey. I have a gram left, I'm gonna go ahead and do that gram. But I hope it's my last, but some how I seriously doubt it. I've been there, done that... many a times.


And one KID, he's 16, that's addicted to crack said something that is very true. You almost have to loose everything to truly see how bad it's getting. Niacine said to look at your self as another person and examine myself. And he's right, I am changing, ever so slightly, no ones noticed just yet. No one but me. And these chest pains, what are they from? Too much coke?

And I'm with your theory on the high effect. I always think "Dude, I'll get all coked up and go do ___________..." But then I get high, get in the car, and the highs gone, and I need to go to the bathroom every 1 hr, and that's holding back. My girlfriend is so trusting, how could she not notice. Me comming outa the restroom wide eyes and she asks "why are you so hot"?


And I don't wanna tell her, "cause I'm on coke" She knows I do it from time to time, but she doesn't know that I'm almost a full fledged coke head.


But damn, I'm about to go do another line man... I would flush it, but I wouldn't wanna waste drugs. It would be like throwing away a perfectly good radio. But then again I don't wanna give the coke to anyone either. But maybe I should share it, but I want it all to myself. I'm greedy with my pot, but I'm kinda of a shister when it comes to my white.


See?! That's the addiction talking. I need out before it's too late. Damn, I wish I didn't like stimulants....

[Jingleballicks]

Also, your nose DOES return to some what it's normal state right? And I'm starting to loose weight now, one can now see my two lower ribs on each side. Should I buy some fat gaining pills from GMC? Or should I just gain my weight back normally. Also, I'm a runner, should I lay off the track for a bit? I don't think any exercise would be a good idea when coke is in your system.. right?

[OneDiaDem]

Admitting there is a problem is the first step. WHy not tell your folks, they may be able to help. Tell your girlfriend also. Sometimes getting it out in the open is half the battle.

[Jingleballicks]

No, I couldn't do that. This is a battle I have to fight by myself. I know my girl wouldn't leave me, but still.. I'll just deal with it. I have to fight this by myself, it wont be TOO hard

[Jingleballicks]

Man... I don't know though... I think it took a 10 hour binge to make me realize that there is a BIG problem. I just looked in the mirror... God, I look so strung out... It's almost as if I lost weight within that period of time.

[Nicaine]

I've got about 48 hrs off the cola, and just cleaned out all my drawers & trash cans tonight.


Creepers, what a frigging mess. Tossed the ammonia, baking soda, spoons, razor blades, straws, vials, pipes, nasal spray bottles, aluminum foil, plastic baggies, mirrors, lighters, cut up pens, pieces of coat hanger, etc. and cleaned the layers of grime off thenightstand by my bed. Still gotta clean the bathroom, sweep up the bits of chore all over the rug, and it's gonna take a carpet cleaner to get the black spots out. Dunno if the melted wax will ever come out.


What a fuckin' waste of time, money & energy I've been putting into this shit the past 6 months. The guy who got the stuff for me was semi-busted by the cops the other day & ordered never to come back to the town I live in. That makes it easier, & in two days I'm flying out of here for an extended vacation in a place where I have no friends or connections.


Good luck to ya, Jingle. It ain't worth it for me anymore. If a g were $5 or $10 maybe, but not for $50 a pop. Will end by mentioning again, that Wellbutrin works wonders for me in terms of not jonesing nearly as much. It has literally saved my ass the past two days by keeping my mood from dropping off a cliff so I haven't called my guy.