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Popular Articles

  1. Addiction and Self-Worth

    As many of the people reading this already know, after trying to use opium responsibly for a couple of years (mostly in the form of PST, but also, occasionally, smoked), I've allowed myself to become addicted to it. In Cocteau's Diary, he declares that some individuals are born to become addicted and that opium is less harmful than the malady it cures for these people. Was he right? Is this just how it is for some people? Is it even possible for me to feel okay (not even happy, really)...
  2. Work Life

    Today before work I dosed up on 2.1g of Gabapentin and 440mg of Naproxen Sodium. Normally I dose 6g for recreation. I also acknowledge I would probably be helped if I took the medication therapeutically, yet I am terrified of building a dependency and having withdrawals...that and I enjoy the recreational effects greatly. Anyway, work was beautiful! I didn't have nearly as much back pain as normal. I was supremely calm. We had a crazy "dinner rush" where I was making sandwich after...
  3. Kratom~Week 1

    It's been a little over a week that I've been using Kratom. I can definitely feel when I'm on it. The energy is GREAT! I don't really feel any effects on mood... which is good and bad really. With my painkillers, I can get pretty bitchy. I've had a chance to try several strains and have received my order from a third vendor. I haven't had a chance to try it yet, although I did take the hint from threads here and requested some samples. They were happy to throw a few in. I also...
  4. Kratom~Day 1

    Here is how my first order of Kratom arrived (vendor specific information removed). I was surprised at how small these bags are. I used to buy puer and oolong tea from a company that sourced out of Tiawan and it was packaged similarly. I just took 1 tsp. of maeng da mixed into a tapioca pudding. (it's all I had on hand) meaning the tsp. and the tapioca. When I go out today I'll look for a scale that can measure small amounts and get a respectable chocolate something for mixing....
  5. Insidious

    The hardest thing last time I did my rattle was that I genuinely missed the ritual of injecting. Putting everything in the pan, cooking it up, drawing it into the barrel. Then putting the tourniquet on, finding a nice vein and breaking the skin, pulling back on the plunger hoping you're in and you register blood, then... pushing down on it, slowly. Nothing but the sound of your breathing and the beat of your heart. And it hits you, the warm haze wrapping itself around, that sickly sweet...
  6. The Pipe Boy: Part Two

    This chapter was a little easier to write, since I wrote it from the perspective of the female character. It's a little, uh, kinkier than the first part, so you've been warned. The Pipe Boy: Part 2 Alana From the outside looking in, we look normal. Boring, even. No one, not even our families, knows our secret. I believe that Robert already told you the story of how met, didn’t he? When we first started talking to each other, there was a certain air of resignation, hopelessness, even, to...
  7. The Pipe Boy-more short fiction

    The Pipe Boy Every once in a while, the pressure became too much for me to bear. I had given up hope of ever finding real love, but a man has urges, you know? I really didn’t socialize much outside of work, and I mostly worked with other men, so I decided that to give online dating a try. Most of the searches for women in my city pulled up a depressing array of candidates who were either attractive but vapid-looking or bright but unappealing. Occasionally, I would meet some woman or other,...
  8. Two Months and Still Struggling Getting Off Kratom

    Here it is, two months later, and I'm still struggling to get off kratom. I have made some progress. I used to take about 24-48 grams a day. (I used tablespoons for measuring most of the time-it was a while before I got a scale-so that's a rough estimate.) That was divided into multiple doses, of course. Now, I'm taking 16 grams a day, (again, divided into multiple doses,) but I can't seem to lower that dose any. I tried cold turkey first-that was a disaster. I mean disaster:I...
  9. Reflections of a Modern Opium Smoker

    I should have known to expect it, this loneliness. The absolute solitude of the contemporary opium smoker. In fact, I did expect it, but in a remote, detached sense which in no way resembles the actual experience of smoking alone. In general, I tend to underestimate the importance of my own emotions, and the process by which I have begun smoking opium has been no different. When I started writing last year, I was convinced that the biggest hurdle that I would face was the lack of opium...
  10. The phenibut for daily GAD experiment Entry #7 - Chest pains and phenibut

    Entry #7 Well boys and girls, ladys and gentlemen, aliens and other terrestrial beings on the universe, I am still alive and kickin' it. I'm taken back to the day when I posted and decided to do this experiment that risks becoming addicted and feeling withdrawal. I'm not too sure why I decided to do that. My curiosity and inner experimenter must have made me venture too far too soon. I guess I do have some findings on the tolerance buildup and withdrawal as a result. Tolerance in a...
  11. E-cigarettes to increase odds of cessation Part 2

    But back on topic my vapor fluid contains natural nicotine among 3-4 other ingredients such as glycerin, Propylene Glycol, Vegetable Glycol (sometimes one the other or both) and a colorant. These do cause lung inflammation when vaporized, but so will vaporizing anything. The inflammation I've found does not last long and the air resistance lingers for approx. 20 minutes for myself personally after smoking a vapor pen 2 drags per minute for 12 minutes. I normally don't smoke it this long....
  12. E-cigarettes to increase odds of cessation Part 1

    Part 1 of 2 I have been a smoker for 8 years. I've tried to quit 30+ times. I've tried the patch, gum, cold turkey, and the best of all. E-cigarettes. I was able to quit smoking tobacco cigarettes cold turkey while I switched to the vapor pen. Within 1 week of using my technique I am now able to quit cold turkey without withdrawal, without cravings, without triggers. I have done this before and had similar results. I quit for 3 months cold turkey. This time was different, the effects...
  13. Good news for short term phenibut user in terms of physical health

    New entry. This entry correlates with my last entry in "The phenibut for daily GAD experiment" but is not about anxiety or my experimentation there. It is about real medical evidence that shows even after abusing phenibut in high doses even for only 1 week after daily dosing of about 250mg twice daily for 1 month, there is absolutely no change in heart function or blood tests. I just recently got over a stint of abusing 3000mg phenibut daily for 7 days. I may have had to even sneak a...
  14. The phenibut for daily GAD experiment Entry #5

    Entry #5 Merry christmas to you all! Today was a day that really flexed phenibuts ability to calm my nerves. I'm generally a shy person with or without anxiety. Going to places where I know there are a lot of people, like christmas dinner or a party as in todays case, really riles up my nerves. Thats not to suggest my anxiety is more social/situational its just something every shy person deals with. I normally get over the shyness once I get to the dinner or party and settle in, but I...
  15. The phenibut for daily GAD experiment Entry #4

    Its the end of the first week! The past two days have been weird. I tried a 1.5 gram dose on Friday night for sleep. It wasn't a good experience at all. It did work for sleep, but it was not worth it. I felt it hit me 3 hours after dosing with an intoxicating wobbly vision. I was clear headed but eventually became lethargic and threw up from nausea. I dealt with nausea till I fell asleep. When I woke up 5 hours later with an empty stomach and nausea still I forced myself to eat and drink...
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