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Opiate addiction

  1. Opiate detox day 15 using lofexidine. With drug history. LONG READ!

    I've never wrote a blog, but I'm detoxing and having a rough time, so maybe this could offer some distraction, or an embarrassing read in the future. I've been a drug user since I was 12, I'm now 31 and this really bothers me! It started much ealier than 12, an older friend would go on and on about how amazing weed was or the weekend and the E tabs she'd consumed, I was 9 and fascinated with drugs from her stories, however I had no access apart from my dads weed I knew were it was hidden,...
  2. Well, this sucks...

    Why did I lie to myself? I'd been there before. IV heroin use, popping morphine pills on a daily basis, I'd climbed pretty far up the opiate ladder, although I only ventured once into the potentially deadly realm of fentanyl abuse. I don't have the patience to work put those doses, I know that, for me, fent and it's many analogs would be nothing but suicide. Anyway, I'd taken a lot of different opiate/oids. There had been good times, bad times and everything in between. Seeing as...
  3. Showing gratitude it took too long. To everyone who isn't here.

    Saw the "attitude of gratitude what are you grateful for" thread today. I thought of this but didn't want to post this in the thread because it was really real and really long - taking LSD tonight I want nothing left of dead weight in my life that was driving me to do the same types of things I felt remorse for. felt bad about managing to get arrested for possesion at 12 so naturally after that I constantly bought drugs as much as I could it's a wonder I have avoided another arrest. I have...
  4. If I give in, slip back. use heroin, and why I just can't

    Really committed to cutting heroin from life forever. But if I relapse and give in. Go back surely there won't be any more chances - surely my luck will fail and I will not wake up. I'm alive because my body just didn't shut down I can't even remember how many times I saw death while in the fog. I bet my life and banked on that luck - fed on it and drained it like I drained everything else in life -and used more heroin sometimes adding more muscle relaxers more xanax. Multiple times waking...
  5. Loss and Anger

    I don't have the words to convey vividly enough the anger inside me now as I lay here crying at the loss of Mark who I love in the best most honest and tender way I've ever loved anyone. He would be appalled at my anger and some of the thoughts I am having. Pointless, violent, hurt-the-world thoughts about the state we have come to. This fucked up world that left him so hurt and anxious and with such feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness that his drug use was beyond risky. Drugs ruined...
  6. Afraid of the Path I'm On

    Like many others I am my own worst enemy. That enemy that manipulates, tricks, poisons, and the kind of enemy who'll poison you, or put ground glass in your drink. Without warning, without a plan, I will hurt myself or fuck things up. I am trying to learn to be honest with myself, like as honest as I am with my friends. I have never been a very good friend to myself, and if I ever was the moment was brief -- forgettable even. At the end of November I ran out of my pain medication. I take...
  7. Recovery - i feel fine, addressing abuse.

    so been a while I guess, 62 days clean now. Yet it feels a lot longer and not in a bad way. In a really good way. In a way that makes me feel strong. The time hasnt dragged for me or been plagued with cravings and depression - in a way I may be waiting for that to happen - but Im not waiting to hard so that it does if that makes sense, just so that i can catch myself if I feel myself falling. But I dont think that will happen. Honestly. Ive had enough of the bullshit. I guess I...
  8. Fucking funny because Im sure I had posted into here.

    but im guessing it was a load of shit, but then im a load if shit, honestly. As a Junkie IVing heroin addict and awesome fucking rock star for so many of those years, man I let shit go. I'm lucky I have my kids still, and I thank my mother for that other than when Im dealing with my 9 yr old who will refuse to take his ADHD meds. - something I have never considered abusing, although my partner took one to concentrate on poker one night, and he was fucked up. batters my head that they...
  9. Jumped

    The curry wasn't too hot and the view was great. My hostess pointed over rooftops at a quartet of tower blocks. Is that the notorious housing estate? No, it's the other one. I was attacked there, late 90s. Those were the days! Ripping another piece of naan bread, I recalled a day from dark times. Seventh floor, returning with a couple cats from copping eighths off their hook. A figure came out a stairwell door and head-butted me. Hey, if you're gonna cop smack in North Glasgow,...
  10. Intro into the future...

    Never before have I "blogged" & never have I found any desire to do such. As coincided as I am, I'm not coincided enough to ever think somebody wants to read my mindless bullshit. However, I had a brilliant fucking idea today. USE ME DRUGFORUM BLOG FOR RELEVANCE! I will post daily about the break-up's, make-up's and knocked up going on in Hollywood. *If you just became very excited after reading that and bookmarked my blog, you should probably just block me. I was fucking kidding and...
  11. Gotta Brand New Addiction -- Lookit How Shiny it Is!

    I was listening to that Against Me song that keeps haunting my YouTube habits. The girl (formerly a guy) yells "We do what we do to get by, and then we need a release." I call bullshit on that. I, for one, do what I need to get by. No release. As a result, I tend to pick up various habits that last until I gotta find a new way to get by. 2013 saw a variety of both classics and RCs. For half of 2014 it was AH-7921 and pentedrone -- for various reasons that changed. Now it's tianeptine, and I...
  12. Tramadol Taper -The Party is Over

    Hi all, I'm inspired by JungleDog and Nefret and Roaddog and Cmenot and all of the great support at this forum so I'm going to share my taper travels with you all. I had a heroin addiction as a teenager. I went through lots of withdrawals. I finally quit at age 20 - with a klonopin patch in a detox ward. I did not do drugs for 15 years. I hurt my back 6 years ago and was given vicodin. The Dr kept giving it to me. Tons and tons.So I got hooked. I ran out when I was on a cruise ship and...
  13. Finally, my voice is Heard

    After waiting to no avail for the CEO of HHC to get back to me, I finally had to contact him, again. He told me that it was indeed the policy of HHC (Harmony Healthcare) to "not maintain anyone on any form of buprenorphine". He then told me that if he could find another "in network doctor that also took insurance" that he would contact me. Today, on my own, I went to an independent doctor that is certified to prescribe all forms of buprenorphine. Honestly, I was super nervous because ever...
  14. Response Date Set

    The CEO of HHC is on vacation. He got back to me and said he will respond on the 19th. I sort of have him backed into a corner. Of course, this could backfire on me. He will more than likely have consulted with his lawyer before dealing with me. This reply will determine a lot. I will understand if there is no other doctor. I refuse to see the one I saw last. However, as I told the CEO, I will demand that he reverses "our" decision not to report "Pete" to the medical board....
  15. Well, that didn't work out so great...

    I have always said that addicts are some of the smartest, cleverest, and most downright cunning people out there. If only they could use a fraction of that talent into getting and STAYING clean, it would be a piece of cake. Tried to help the hubs detox. Subs didn't work, even though we waited until he was 27 hours into full blown w/d. So, he convinced me the next morning to let him go get "a bottle of methadone" from his "friend" who "doesn't have a phone and doesn't drive" but was...
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